Check out my big paws!...

I am grieving. Just lost my 11 yr. old male, Elmo tonight. He died at the vet's when I took him in to see if I could do anything more for him. I came back from a 3 week vacation and he had lost a lot of weight. He had a bad eye I was nursing and had taken him to two different vets. Lots of tests, little answers.

He was lethargic last night, eating little and not drinking. Got him to eat a little turkey from my hand this morning but he was showing all the signs of wanting to go off by himself to die. Sitting in the middle of the yard alone looking into the woods behind our house, shallow breathing and tonight before I took him to the vet's, he was breathing open mouthed.

I feel horrible that I took him to the vet's. I was selfish. I should have just let him die at home peacefully like my Boston Terrier did of congestive heart failure. He showed all the same signs. His trip to the vet's was very disturbing to him. He fought me and I believe the struggle caused him serious strain to the heart. If I hadn't taken him, I would have always wondered if I had done enough to save his life.

As I was taking him into the examining room, he let go of his urine and I rushed to put him on the table. He convulsed while I begged for someone to help. His lips were white and his moth was pale. The Dr. rushed in and administered a shot to his heart and palpitated his chest but he was gone. I still can't believe he is gone. Who will sit in my lap?

The vet felt his thin tummy and found a mass. He had me press on it. Said the eye problem would not have killed him but that cancer was the culprit. They put him in a box wrapped in the towel I had him in and I brought him home to bury in the woods behind our house. He loved those woods. And he loved those boxes!