Photo by Ri Regina
Lila Rhen and Bill Ingalls
Lila Rhen never expected to end up homeless at 81. But she did. She also never expected to find a welcoming home with a virtual stranger. She did that, too.
It started on moving day. Lila was packing her belongings, ready to head out from Ohio to Colorado, confident that living near her son and his family would be financially and emotionally fulfilling. The apartment she was renting in Ohio was costing her more than half her monthly income, and the cost of rent was about to double. This move was helping her escape the shackles of that massive expense.
Lila never made it to Colorado. She had a stroke on her moving day. It was a month before she could move on with her life, and she suffered lasting damage to her movement and her short-term memory. She would no longer be able to help her son with child care, as she had planned. She knew she couldn't live alone, and she couldn't afford assisted living.
She knew she needed to live near family, which meant having to choose between moving to Boulder or Boston, two areas which have very high costs of living. She needed to find an alternative she could afford. On car trips with her children, she would joke with them and say "If you see any good bridges for me live under, point them out!"
Lila's children listened and discussed options. Her daughter and son-in-law, Ri and Bob, offered an idea. Bob's father, Bill Ingalls, was 83, widowed for several years, living alone in his home in Connecticut. He was using a wheelchair and dealing with failing eyesight. What if there was room for Lila there?
Bob and Ri had heard that home sharing had become a popular option for many seniors. According to HIP Housing, the average amount people spend on rent in a home-sharing situation is only $537 a month -- far less than the going rent for a one-bedroom apartment in most urban areas.
It wasn't as simple as it sounds. Lila and Bill had never met, even though their children were married to one another. That didn't stop Bill from immediately jumping on board with the idea of Lila moving in. He loved the concept of sharing his home with someone who could help around the house, keep him company and contribute financially.
After meeting Bill, Lila also thought the idea made sense. Together, Lila, Bill and their children worked out logistics like costs and chores. Lila moved in with Bill, paying a fraction of what it would have cost her to live on her own. Bill was pleased to have some help with his expenses.
Their children always thought that Lila and Bill would get along, and they were right. Almost two years later, Lila and Bill have a relationship so complementary it's uncanny. They both love to cook; he prepares Polish food while she does Swedish. Lila reads to Bill, and in conversation, Bill finishes Lila's sentences. They listen to music from the 1940s together and reminisce about World War II. They share their individual memories and create new ones, together. "I can't imagine my life without her," Bill says, "Lila came along and changed everything."
Lila feels the same. "I've never laughed so much since I started living with Bill. We kid each other all the time. Sometimes I think he lies in bed at night just thinking up ways to tease me."
Speaking to the two of them, you'd think that they'd been married for years, yet there is no hanky-panky in this relationship. They are companions in the truest sense of the word.
For many seniors, the reality of living on their own is tough both physically and financially. With people living longer, fuller lives comes the burden of being able to financially fuel those lives. Health costs, home costs and living expenses mount easily, making home sharing a smart option to ease that burden. Because they share a home, Bill and Lila both have some financial freedom. They can afford to treat themselves once in a while and they no longer worry about paying the bills or covering any unforeseen expenses. Together, the two of them make everything in their lives work.
Are you thinking that homesharing might be a good solution for your parent?
You can do it!
- Assess financial needs. Does your parent need financial assistance to stay in her home? Or is she financially secure but needs help around the house or with personal care? Figure out what she needs before you help her pursue a home-sharing situation.
- Can your parent give up some privacy? Home sharing is quite literally making room for another person in your home and personal space. If your parent has been living alone for a while this will require a change in lifestyle.
- Is your parent willing to work for home sharing success? Learning to live with someone isn't an easy thing to do. While Lila and Bill were virtual strangers when they started living together, they were lucky that they had a personal connection to one another, making the transition less stressful.
- Consider the details. Think of all the little things that will be involved. Will your parent want to share meals? Does he have a special routine that he likes to follow? Would he tolerate a pet?
A home sharing agency will do a thorough screening process to make sure the match is right for your parent. There are more than 100 such agencies in the United States today, and the number is growing. These resources may be of help:
Resources
Senior Home Sharing
Senior Services Homesharing
National Shared Housing
Senior Resource for Shared Housing
