I'm 66, & single. From this age perspective, I understand patterns in my life, the highs, the low & how they have given me today a wisdom of myself, & purpose in life.  I wouldn't want to be any other age.  Each day now gets better & better.

  I was born with a genetic disability of depression from both sides of my family, along with panic & anxiety, even as a young girl.  I developed an emotional eating problem & was obese during my young life--esp. adolescence. The cruel teasing was internalized continuing throughout my life, causing severe inferiority. For many yrs., I wasted money on all types of therapy& meds. 

At 18, I joined a Catholic nun order. It seemed the right thing to do in 1959 if you wanted to help people. I was naive & grew up in an Irish Catholic family.  Now I see that going into the convent was an escape from my facing the pain of life as I endured it.

During our lst 5 years, we received a splendid college education for which I am grateful. Our teachers were not priests or nuns, but rather people who had traveled the world,  opening our minds, making us want to continue learning the rest of our lives.

During my 20's, I experienced natural physical urges. Our superiors told us we were being tempted by the devil. 

Furthermore, I lived with nuns who professed anything but what they were supposed to be. They hated their students and parents. They were bitches to live with.

I loved teaching but realized I could do more for God and His people outside the convent than inside.  I left with the only security of using my teaching.  The transition was difficult, & disability grew worse.

Furthermore, in leaving the convent, I left the Catholic church. A faith that I had grown up with meant nothing to me.  I faced the cold facts that I didn't believe most of what the Catholic church professed. Shattering.

I put my problems of faith on a back burner, knowing I would deal with it somehow later.

In 2009, many of those women who entered the convent with me will celebrate together our 50th anniversary.  We have had reunions every few yrs.  Many also have left and found other ways to God.  It is a great support group. I put together an e-mail site &mailing list in 2005 so we don't lose people.

My career goal even as a youngster was to teach, &my education prepared me well for the classroom.  What was so apparent was a God-given talent I had to motivate my students, to show them respect.  Learning couldn't take place unless a student felt good about himself or herself.

Creativity flowed so easily in getting down to the students' level and moving them where they needed to go. Whether they remember anything I taught is one thing. I think they will remember someone who cared about them personally & loved learning.

Parents & colleagues highly respected me. The disability grew worse in the classroom. After 12 years of fighting to remain a teacher, I resigned. The hardest decision I ever made.

I found jobs in small offices or places where I could work flextime, so I didn't have to commute in crowds or work in crowded offices. Due to my disability, I was unable to stay in any one job longer than 2-3 years. I received high recommendations & was always hired immediately for administrative asst. positions.

When things got worse, I often worked 2 or 3 jobs to make ends meet. No pension, or insurance because I didn't stay any place long enough.

In 1993, my internist ordered me to stop working. He initiated papers for me to collect SSDI, and I collected unemployment. After 30 years of employment and loving it, I had nothing.

My brother & sister were furious that I wasn't working. They didn't talk to me for 3 yrs & didn't even know where I lived. 

Social Security was approved on the lst try in 1994 & I've use my professional skills to live on a fixed income. Also have researched resources available to me through city, county &state.

My brother & sister did allow me back in their lives, only for holidays and birthdays. They treated me as a 2nd class citizen , talked down to me and teased brutally things I had done as a child, my eccentric behavior when I didn't have the right meds & attempted to continue this. If we got beyond the subjects of food or weather, I fought back at their statements. It was hell. I tried to hang in for the sake of family ties.

Two yrs. ago, I gave them an ultimatum. Either they respect me and stop their nonsense, or we had no relationship. Their reply: silence. That move dropped emotional stress off my shoulders. Definitely, a factor in cutting out emotional eating.

To backtrack, in 1995, I found a psychiatrist who correctly diagnosed me with depression, anxiety and panic. We worked 5 months on exactly the right dosages of meds, enabling me to get out, go into grocery stores. This was a resurrection. I still have blocks with crowds in auditoriums, trips on planes, etc., but God will continue to give me His power .

During these 5 months, I was housebound much of the time.  I was in the pits of pits. No way but up--but how. The songs we sang in the convent came back to me & words had an impact. I found my Bible and read it as I never had before.

This was the beginning of my newfound relationship with a loving Father, and it has developed ever since

Do I accept all the above completely? Most times.  I have emerged with a deep faith in God's strength.  There's a tremendous peace & happiness in my life, and this spirituality continues to develop.

I know what priorities are important in life.

In the past 2 yrs., I've lost 50 lbs. with good eating habits, walking in am, and exercising to music at nite for an hr.