Online relationship scams

At 57, Carol Cormier had recently ended a long relationship. She didn't like the bar scene but wanted to meet someone with whom she could go to movies and out to dinner. So she tried a major online dating site. It was disappointing at first. One guy tried to scam money from her. But eventually she met a real gentleman. Owned a computer business and a personal jet -- had a nice looking picture, too. It wasn't until four months later, after he relocated to Africa, that he asked for her help with cashing a check.

Like the first guy, this one was a con artist. He worked out of a "boiler room" calling center in Nigeria and posted a photo that he stole from a modeling site. Had Cormier responded to his request, she'd have found herself out whatever funds he requested.

"I didn't lose money -- I was fortunate," says Cormier, who should know, as she has since become a moderator on a Yahoo group called RomanceScams. However, what she lost was worth a lot more: her ability to trust others.

Unfortunately, many who are less savvy have not fared as well. They have been bilked of tens of thousands of dollars by people they met online, fell for, and never saw in person. It can happen more easily than you think if you don't know how to protect yourself.

How romance scammers operate

Online romance scams are not as prevalent as email scams, but they are becoming more common and often target those over 50. According to Cormier, the RomanceScams site has grown from 300 hundred members a year ago to more than 7,000 in early 2007. According to Audri G. Lanford, co-director of the public service Web site ScamBusters.org, online dating scams were number 8 on the list of top 10 Internet scams for 2006. Joelle Kaufman, vice president of the online dating site Engage.com, says that her company finds at least 10 to 20 new accounts every day that are actually scammers. Although many get caught, they come back again and again.

The scammer joins the service, sets up an account -under a fake name, using a stolen photo of a very attractive person -- sends email to a large number of members, and waits for responses. (Often a "woman" is actually a man in virtual disguise.) These criminals may spend months developing a relationship under false pretenses, waiting for the time to strike.

When the scammer decides it's time to reel in his fish, typically he will claim to have been relocated overseas. Then, he will fake some problem -- perhaps a destroyed laptop, critically ill friend, or personal financial disaster -- and ask his victim for help. This may be a loan to help the friend who needs an operation, a request to send a laptop that he can't otherwise get to Africa, or a plea to deposit a cashier's check and then send the money because there is some problem with a bank account.

Whatever story the scammer uses, it's all fiction. The cashier's check will be counterfeit, and the bank that provisionally credits the account will want its money back. The credit card the scammer provides to pay for the laptop will have been stolen, and the manufacturer will hold the victim responsible for payment. And because the scam was conducted across international borders, the chances of recovering lost money are virtually zero.

Protect yourself

Don't call these victims losers; it's far easier to join their ranks than you might think. Cormier says she knows of two Texas Rangers taken in romance scams. "The [scam technique] that [surprised] me was the request to forward a package," says Mark Brooks, head of the industry analyst site OnlinePersonalsWatch.com. "I would do that -- I wouldn't think anything of it."

Those looking for love are naturally vulnerable, and the scammers are patient. They spend months cultivating a sense of trust and even love in their victims. When the hard luck story comes, the victim is eager to help out someone they've come to care about. They follow their heart instead of keeping their head.

Luckily RomanceScams has compiled a set of warning signs that might make you think a little more skeptically about a request for help from someone you have never met. Beware if this person:

• Has a profile that seems too good to be true. The person is interesting, articulate, and has a very attractive picture (although some con artists are getting smart enough to post pictures of "regular" people).
• Is located overseas. You're chatting with someone who either lives in Africa or Russia, claims to have relocated there, or claims an African parent.
• Tells an inconsistent story. Elements of the story you get -- or even what you see in his or her picture -- don't add up.
• Cannot spell or write correct sentences. Scammers often have exceptionally poor English skills.
• Calls you pet names. This reduces the chance the scammer will use the wrong name with the wrong target.
• Communicates like a younger person. If the person uses chat abbreviations and emoticons that are out of character for someone of that age and professional status, be suspicious.
• Sends gifts. If the person sends you flowers, candy, and other small gifts, be wary.
• Asks you to call. The romantic interest would love to talk with you on the phone but wants you to call. Also, he or she wants you on a Web cam but doesn't have access to one. Hours exchanging instant messages (IMs) with you stops on weekends.
• Exerts control. You get few personal details of the person, who tries to isolate you from friends, family, and your usual activities.
• Acts desperate. You're the only one to turn to in an hour of need.
• Asks for help. When he wants you to send or loan money, deposit money orders or Western Union transfers, or receive merchandise and resend it overseas, watch out!

You probably won't get all of these warning signs, but even if you see only one or two, there's a good chance that something fishy is going on.

You can do it!

Here's what you can do to stay out of a scam artist's clutches.

• Google the person. Some early research can point out a faker. Do a check on Google.com, for example, to see if you can verify where the person lives.
• Trace the person. There are tools on the Internet that let you trace someone's IP address (the Internet's equivalent of a street address) and connect it to a geographic location. That spot should match up with what the person has told you.
• Insist upon a meeting. Ask when the person is going to be in your area. Whether or not he is a scammer, true romance cannot flower if you are on different continents.
• Pay attention to details. If someone doesn't know things that he or she should - such as basic things about the culture in which she claims to live -- then something is wrong.
• Hang onto your money. No matter how heart-wrenching a story the person tells you, don't send money or get involved in receiving and forwarding goods for someone.
• Don't assume that "local" is safe. Just as not all Nigerians are scammers, not all scammers are Nigerian. A con artist could be anywhere in the word, including your own back yard.