Kaitlyn and Maverick

Kaitlyn and Maverick are best buddies now because Kaitlyn's grandmother made sure to introduce them properly when the girl was a baby.

Every day across America, thousands of people either buy or adopt an animal as a pet, with activity intensifying during the holiday season. Unfortunately, many are not prepared to tackle the issues involved in integrating a new pet into their family. According to the ASPCA, three to five million dogs and cats are returned to U.S. shelters each year, and the numbers spike soon after Christmas.

People 50+ whose children are grown and out of the house may also be tempted to add new pets to their household for more companionship. If you've acquired a new animal or are planning to add one soon, it is important to get your new companion in sync with your lifestyle. Be prepared to devote time, work, and patience to integrate the newcomer into your household.

Choose a pet that suits your lifestyle

Rob Nager, founder/owner of Decadent Dog, a premier full-service pet care provider in the Greater Boston area, encourages people to do their homework before choosing an animal. "An honest assessment of your lifestyle is the first step to ensure a good match," he explains.

"In the case of a dog, you have to decide if you have the time to devote to the breed you're considering. The energetic temperament of a terrier, for example, wouldn't suit an individual or family with a sedentary lifestyle. And this breed might not fit into a family that already has a solitary cat or two."

If you already have an animal at home, the introductions may go more smoothly if the new pet is younger and of the opposite sex, even if you are mixing dogs and cats. Also know which breeds of dogs are less likely to get along with cats. (More tips on bringing a dog into a cat household and vice versa)

Understand family dynamics

Even when you're prepared, the integration process isn't easy. That's what Richard and Sharon Mayer, both 56, of New Jersey discovered as they gradually added to their growing family that now numbers seven rescued dogs.

"There are two different systems at work when you bring a new dog into a family with other dogs," explain the Mayers, who adopted their first dog in 1996. "The first system is the animal's pack. And the second is the human family."

To figure out the best way to bring each new member into a pack with its own set of issues, unspoken rules, and established pecking order, they had to focus on the new dog's breed temperament, personal needs, and sketchy history. Then, they also had to integrate the expanded animal pack into their larger family system, so that the humans would remain the "alphas" (top dogs).

Such an integration process can take years, as they discovered when they adopted Yogi, a mutt from a shelter. Emotionally and physically scarred from fighting for food, Yogi had to learn, among other things, to trust that his new pack mates would leave his food alone. "It's like adopting a child," suggests Mayer. For him, it was worth the effort. Caring for another living being brings incredible joy, along with the ongoing responsibility.

Cats have different issues from dogs. They are not pack animals, but typically, they find change difficult. Jacque Lynn Schultz, Companion Animal Programs Advisor for the ASPCA's National Shelter Outreach, stresses the importance of an isolation period for a new cat. Since a new home often means different food and litter material as well as new routines and environments, starting the cat off in a small, cozy space helps to keep its stress level to a minimum.

Develop a training regimen

Especially where dogs are concerned, basic obedience training can make a big difference in the success of an adoption. Training takes time and effort, particularly with a new puppy or an older dog who has suffered neglect or abuse. Ask your veterinarian or local animal shelter about the availability of obedience classes.

Sharon Golden of Hewlett, New York faced her own set of challenges when her granddaughter Kaitlyn was born nearly four years ago. Worried about the Dalmatian's reliability around children, she was determined to foster a good relationship between Maverick ("Mavi"), who was 9 ½ years old at the time, and the new baby.

Discovering that small movements and certain noises could startle or provoke Mavi, Golden deliberately created situations that would expose and then desensitize him to movements and noises he would experience as Kaitlyn grew up. "Since the cry of a baby on TV would prompt a bark or a growl, I bought a doll that cried in order to get him used to that sound. And when Kaitlyn was born, I put an extra receiving blanket in his crate so he could get used to her smell."

To desensitize Mavi to the movements of a crawling infant, Golden put him in a "stay" position and had her female cat walk in front of him. Mavi learned to be unresponsive to the cat's (and later Kaitlyn's) movements. "This benefited the cat as well; she became free to walk in front of him without fear of being chased."

As Kaitlyn grew up, Golden taught her how to handle Mavi, so that everyone in the household was on the same page.

Golden's efforts paid off. She not only created an environment where her dog and cat could live together in peace. She also created a safe place where the two most important beings in her life -- her granddaughter and her dog -- were able to connect. "They have been taking naps next to each other, without incident, since the day Kaitlyn began to crawl," beams this proud grandmother. "They continue to enjoy a loving and gentle relationship as best friends. It was a lot of work, but it was well worth it."

You can do it!

If you're about to bring a new animal into your home, prepare for the experience, and put aside the time you'll need to make it work.

  • Read about the species, your particular breed, and other people's introduction experiences.
  • Talk with people who have had a similar experience.
  • Seek professional help -- from a trainer, animal communicator/healer, or other individual adept at cultivating positive dynamics in the family structure.
  • Remain patient and flexible. Progress may be slow and small, and when one approach doesn't work, you'll need to have a Plan B.
  • Have confidence that you will succeed -- because you will!

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