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Leaving the Nest, Episode 5 June 30, 2001 - Spokane WA
The last fledgling. He is not yet graduated, but the house that my parents own and that my brothers have long used as a college half-way house (not home but not a dorm), is now vacant. My "baby" is working, has good grades, does his own homework, has a car, and will be home often for laundry and a home-cooked meal, although he cooks pretty well on his own. He will only be a few miles from here, and he has often warned me that he is leaving this summer... I was hoping he would not do that, but I don't worry too much. I suspect that he is leaving so that I can get married, and he will not be in the way here. It is a good excuse for leaving a year earlier than his graduation, but he is right; it will be what we both want... only I want it less than he does. A mother's heart is never really ready for them to go, especially not the first one, and not the last one. The last. WOW. A proud, happy, sad, anxious day. Am I officially old now?
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The Next of the Next Generation April 25, 2001 - Ft Pendleton, CA
A baby girl... my first granddaughter. My Marine son has become a father, but I am not there to see my new grandchild, as they are living in California. I can't wait to see her of course, not least because my son sounds so MELTED... he is totally in love with his little girl already. I would love to see him with her, my big ol' tough Marine with the gooey heart. I am sure that my own street-tough Sweetheart will be just as wrapped around her little fingers as her father is, when we see her; he is already head over heels in love with my grandsons. For now, I must be resigned to internet pix and an occasional phone call. Her name is Alexis Danyelle
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One More For the Road January 15, 2001 - Ft Pendleton, CA
Newlywed son is now a Marine. His wife will join him in California as soon as his basic training is over. My expected grandchild I will not know, unless and until they have a chance to move back to this area. I am more than proud that he has chosen to give something back to his country, and at the same time take excellent care of his expectant wife, providing a steady income and getting some experience and some personal discipline. Not that he hasn't already shown more of that lately than he had in the previous two or three years... I will miss him, I will worry about him. His graduation, wedding, leave-taking, and fatherhood will have come one after another extremely fast; however, it seems he is up to these challenges. I am very proud, and very hopeful for his future.
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A Wedding Is Announced December 2, 2000 - Spokane WA
Fourth Child, Third Son, married. In a church, no less. I believe I am shocked, considering his former behavior and attitude. Although the families are exceedingly different, the bride and groom are well suited to each other, and I think they are sincerely in love. I hope that they use more of my parenting methods than her mother's parenting methods, but that is in God's hands now. I also wish my son had been more loyal to his Catholic faith, but he has been mad at me for a long time, and her male relative is a preacher in the faith she was raised in... I guess I can in some ways understand. Best I can hope for at this point is that there is some knowledge of God in the family for the children to build a base on. The newlyweds looked lovely, and in love, and happy, despite very awkward familial conflicts. We were all there for them, and they deserved our best efforts on their behalf. The circle of life has revolved again.
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Love Is... July 4, 2000 - Spokane WA
Well. My fiance and I were re-engaged on the weekend of my birthday this year, way back in March. We have again kept it a secret, not to upset any relatives who still had strong negative reactions to my association with him. Those sentiments are gradually becoming less intense, and a few have actually said they appreciate him and what he does for me and my kids. My kids are not among those who are feeling friendly. Yet. That's ok, we don't intend to move in together till the last son moves out. He asked me to marry him,once again, and convinced me that he was no longer as conflicted as he seemed to be last time we tried this. We have already been to the "Engaged Encounter" so we have all the necessary church moves down. The difference today is, my parents have let it be known that they have recanted their earlier objections, taken back their comments about my "not being welcome here IF..." and have whole- heartedly accepted that he is committed to me, loves me, and is good for me. In giddy astonishment, I have asked of him that we take the day (before we shoot off the biggest fireworks purchase we have ever made...) to make the official visit to my folks and announce our engagement and ask for their blessings. We also make the rounds of a couple of other relatives, and everyone seems to be fine with the idea that he and I plan to be life-mates. I almost can't contain my joy! I had been so hurt by the fact that I could not share my delight in this man and in the hope I had for the future. And now I have shared this marvelous event, I can take complete and un-shadowed joy in my un- looked- for love.
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Passing the Test December 17, 1999
After being unemployed for a long time, I have been hired to sell insurance, and have successfully worked my qualifying time, completed school, and passed both license exams. For that accomplishment I have received a bonus because I passed both on the first attempt, I have been given a raise, and I now will be earning sales bonuses as well as wages. A very big step up in my financial situation. It has been a long time since I have done anything this significant on my own.
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Leaving the Nest, Episode 4 (OR.. Nobody Knows the Troubles I've Seen) September 1999 - Spokane WA
Fourth Child, Third Son, Second Verse, Same as the First. Since I have been working 2nd shift at the store, the 2 younger boys have been disappointing me in the most extreme ways. Their behavior has gone from exemplary when I started this job, to horrible now that they realize that I cannot be there to monitor them, and their neighborhood friends have no more parental direction than they do, even tho those parents are home. So all of them, my boys included, are becoming wild. I no longer can keep my son from driving crazy, getting speeding tickets, and skipping school. My efforts to crack down on him by taking his license away has resulted in his constantly running away. Most evenings I have to go out looking for him. Joe has been extremely helpful in this effort, especially when my car finally breaks down and I can no longer chase my son down, going door to door amongst his friends. The cops are no help, they will only go get him if I know exactly where he is. Between trying to keep Joe from beating my kid senseless in my defense, and trying to keep my son on speaking terms, and in school, it is a horribly stressful time. Not to mention, I still have one more younger son watching all this, and learning God knows what. He finally settles at the last (well almost the last) place I would wish him to go, and that is the home of the parents of the OTHER brother's former nut-case girlfriend. But they do at least give him a place to stay that is in the neighborhood and not on the street, even if they allow him to do whatever he wants with no restrictions. I hate that he has no rules and is still trying to fail school, but at least he is not sleeping under a bridge somewhere. The nut-case girl has left home too, and is living with some guy somewhere, so she is not immediately a problem. However ANOTHER neighborhood girl is a bigger problem. My son has had a worshipful crush on her since he was about 12, and she is an older woman, already an unwed mother, quite promiscuous, and between boyfriends. She has been out of state for a while but returns at this extremely inconvenient point and decides that a 16 year old, only 6 years younger than she is, would be amusing until something better comes along. One of the reasons my son leaves home for good is that I am forced to get an injunction against her, as she keeps telling him that I am only putting rules on him, and only objecting to their 'friendship', because I hate him and am intent on 'ruining his life'. Her parents and their friends ring my phone at all hours calling me names and insisting that I am crazy and delusional, that this woman and my son are "just friends". Even when I personally have come home to find her half-naked in my basement, and have witnessed her kissing my son on the front porch of a house she was 'house-sitting' at... meaning nobody else was there. Like I really want to have a grandchild by this whore, right? What is it with slutty females coming after my sons? And as soon as she found somebody cuter, older, or richer, she would be off to Timbuktu again, leaving my naive son heartbroken and a teenage father. NO, dammit, NOT my kid, you don't. Hence the injunction. So.. we progress through the many ensuing months, he is a senior now, and the kid starts coming around to more responsible behavior. Because we have occasionally had the chance for semi-respectful talks, and because he is growing up.. (he must be!), we are not actually fighting much anymore. Eventually he gets a new love-interest - and his new girlfriend, his own age, is helping him to realize that he actually has a good family and a good mom. She is not my choice for the perfect girlfriend, and the creepy couple he is living with let her sleep over, but at least she is helping him finish his schooling, and encouraging him to reconcile with me. He is much easier to talk to and to deal with, at first because of my own persistent efforts, but now because of her influence as well. Even though he will never move home again, he is my son again. This process is more than a year long, and takes us into the year 2000.
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Milestone June 13, 1999
Fourth Child, Third Son, graduated from high school. He straightened his life up a lot in the last year, worked hard to make up lost time at school, and graduated with his class. Before graduation, he took his girl to the prom, in grand style, limo and everything. I was glad to be included in the planning, and was there to see them off. Nice to be part of his life in a good way again. I could not be prouder of the fine young man he is becoming.
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The Next of the Next Generation February 24, 1999 - Spokane WA
My daughter has a second son. Amusing, because for all this time the doctors have been telling us this one will be a girl !! The expectant parents had bought the pink and frilly clothes, picked out a lovely name, and I had labored over a really unique (for me, that is) crocheted baby blanket, which was pastel green with a climbing rose up one length and across one end. How could you get more feminine than that? On the day, however, the expected Bethany became a bouncing baby boy. Surprised, but no less delighted, my daughter donated the girl stuff to a needy friend who had just had a girl, including the baby blanket I had made. And so Grandma began work on a new blanket. The parents have boy-stuff hand-me-downs to last until they replace the girl stuff, and I will eventually present my new handiwork to my second grandson. His name is Nathaniel Reed.
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Two Steps Back September 13, 1998 - Spokane WA
A very difficult thing to do. I have broken my engagement. Not because either of us has found someone else, or has decided that one does not love the other. Mostly, I do it because I do love him. He is having increasing incidence of aberrant behavior: tantrums, mood swings, imaginary offenses, a whole litany of ultimatums, mostly about what "we" will never do, and always without my agreement and with no apparent reason. I think he is subconsciously rebelling at the engagement, at the prospect of forever. I believe that he was too optimistic in assuming he was ready for marriage, especially to a woman like myself, who is so totally opposite of the kind of woman he has always wished to have. As most young men, he envisioned, and dated, young, skinny, sexually adventurous, and non-religious women. I am none of these things. He has found to his surprise that he wants and values what I have to offer, too, but he is frightened at the prospect of being tied to a fat old woman for the rest of his life. WHO WOULDN'T BE?? Have I not pointed this out to him at least 3 times a week for as long as we have known each other??? Anyway... I have broken our engagement, and furthermore, have declared a trial separation. He doesn't think I should do either one of these things, (well, consciously he doesn't) but his heart knows. He says it is my idea, so it is for me to go through with it or not. I will be strong, even though this is wrenching my heart into a pretzel. I have to know: I have to let him have time to be without me for a while, to test his commitment and to see if he misses and needs his previous life more than he needs what we have together. As long as I am there every day, saying I love him, continuing our habits of affection, our routines of interaction, he will feel obligated to that path. I also need to break off, at least for a while, because if this relationship is not going to be forever, I need to stop now, before I create for myself even more hurt than I feel at this moment. He has never said that he does not want to marry me, (at least, not since we became involved with each other). But some of the old "I will never marry" must be left in his psyche. He needs to grow up, or grow comfortable with the idea, or to move on and leave me here. For two months, starting now, we will speak only by phone, only once a day, and we will not see each other in person at all. When it is finished, we will re-assess, and see where to go from that point. May God grant me the strength to see this through, and to create no pressure on him or myself either way. No matter what the end result of this is, I love him enough to want what is best for him. I have already had one chance to be happy, and for a while I certainly was. He must have his chance too, even if it means I must give him up. If this is not right for him, it will not be right for me either, and I will only be hurt more if I find that out after we are married. Let the trial by fire begin.
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Another Homecoming August 15, 1998 - Spokane WA
My Airman son has returned, after his first 'hitch' in the Air Force. He has opted not to make a career of the military, having served in the Dessert Shield effort, keeping the helicopters and other craft flying. After looking around for suitable work in this area, he has followed another path that has interested him for a long while, and is learning to be a dealer at a casino. As before, he will do well.
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Leaving the Nest, Episode 3 September 15, 1997 - Spokane WA
My Second Son choosing the military life. He has always loved flying since I got him into the Explorer Scouts a few years ago, and they put him through Ground School and allowed him to fly glider planes from a small airport near here. The Army will let him be in the air without making him graduate from college first, so the Air Force, his first thought, and the tradition of the family, has been overthrown. He can't wait.
Helenna's LifePath entries
Helenna
Female,
located in
Spokane, WA
Eons member since Jan 10, 2007
