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Welcome to the group pickedadilly!
Just want to take a moment to welcome you to the group that no one ever wants or plans on joining. I am so very sorry for the loss of your spouse and please feel free to jump on in here and either post a message, read some of the other posts, or maybe answer a few. This group is comprised of the most loving and caring people in all different stages of grief. So once again thank you for joining the group and I look forward to getting to know you better.
Hugs,
Kathy
LOST A FRIEND
I just got word yesterday that a dear friend of mine lost her husband during the night. I don't know why people that I am close to pass away near the holidays. My mom will be gone 13 yrs this Sunday, my Greg went to the hospital for the final time 2 weeks after the 4Th of July and passed away almost one month to the day he took sick,Now my friend Bill has gone home too so close to Christmas. Bill's wife Libby and I worked together for the State of Ohio she would pick me up and bring me home from work she always said she was going that way anyway so Greg could just go back to bed.
Bill liked Greg so much as he would go fix his computer for him but unfortunately Bill was a chain smoker and after Greg quit smoking he just could not take the smoke smell in Bill and Libby's house so he started telling Bill how to fix or try to fix something over the phone. When Greg was in the hospital before he passed away Libby would come and take me to the hospital because I don't drive and she did not want me to take the bus. They were always there for me although they were older than Greg and I we loved them. I am happy that Bill is not sick anymore as the last time I heard from Libby she told me Bill had Cancer but he would not stop smoking I don't know if he ever did but I hope so but it was too late. I have missed them so very much since I moved to Indiana and I wish I could be there for her as she was there for me but unfortunately I cannot so I will have to just remember them in Happy thought and prayer.
Thanks for listening
mooseie
Bill liked Greg so much as he would go fix his computer for him but unfortunately Bill was a chain smoker and after Greg quit smoking he just could not take the smoke smell in Bill and Libby's house so he started telling Bill how to fix or try to fix something over the phone. When Greg was in the hospital before he passed away Libby would come and take me to the hospital because I don't drive and she did not want me to take the bus. They were always there for me although they were older than Greg and I we loved them. I am happy that Bill is not sick anymore as the last time I heard from Libby she told me Bill had Cancer but he would not stop smoking I don't know if he ever did but I hope so but it was too late. I have missed them so very much since I moved to Indiana and I wish I could be there for her as she was there for me but unfortunately I cannot so I will have to just remember them in Happy thought and prayer.
Thanks for listening
mooseie
Well it's over
Mike called me this morning to wish me Happy Birthday and as much as I love him and want him to be with me, I told him that if he was going to be in there for as much as 7 more years that I just couldn't wait for him, I worry every day that he is in there that someone will hurt him or that he will be locked up in AdSeg and right now I am losing my mind worrying about everything else in my life. God I hated to do it, but at my age I can't just wait around for life to come to me, I have to go to it, I have been hiding in my house or on my computer since Randy died, and when I feel like it's the time to go outside I will, but my mind is so confused and I gave up so much for Mike I just don't want to feel like everything is his fault and take it out on him, am I making any sense at all? I need a life and I talked with my sister last night and she says that I do deserve to be happy now and not have to wait for 7 years.
Memories Nourish the Heart
Thanksgiving is now past...but yet there is still Christmas coming so close. At this season of the year ---so filled with memories and, for most people, family occasions ---sometimes our grief seems all but unbearable. And grief IS often especially sharp around holiday occasions.
But after a while we begin to savor the recall of those gathered times when we were all together, when the tenor of the days was festive and mutually cherishing. If our loved one had a particular role in the rituals of this season, we who take over that role may feel a special bond with the one who is gone.
So memory "nourishes the heart", eases the sharp edges of grief, and, whether or not we speak of it to one another, spreads its arms to comfort and to gather us as one family in the great human stream of life.
At this time of the year ---holiday season--- let your memories nourish your heart!!
Hugs of friendship....Jarcy
But after a while we begin to savor the recall of those gathered times when we were all together, when the tenor of the days was festive and mutually cherishing. If our loved one had a particular role in the rituals of this season, we who take over that role may feel a special bond with the one who is gone.
So memory "nourishes the heart", eases the sharp edges of grief, and, whether or not we speak of it to one another, spreads its arms to comfort and to gather us as one family in the great human stream of life.
At this time of the year ---holiday season--- let your memories nourish your heart!!
Hugs of friendship....Jarcy
Welcome to the group east2westgal!
Just wanted to welcome you to the group that no one ever plans or wants to join. I am so very sorry for your loss and please feel free to just jump right in and post a message when you feel comfortable in doing so, or just read some of the posts, and maybe answer a few. This group is composed of the most caring and loving people in all stages of the grieving process and once again welcome.
Hugs,
Kathy
Its been quiet again!
The group has been quiet once again and I thought I would just post a message to make sure everyone is doing okay with the holidays approaching at a fast pass. Well our Christmas tree is up and beautiful thanks to my sons and my probably future daughter-in-law. My youngest and his girlfriend came over to the house on Saturday and helped me decorate the tree. We all have our certain jobs, my oldest son put the artificial tree in its stand, fixes the branches and puts the lights on it. Then it is handed over to me usually and I have to finish everything else, but this year was nice as all I had to do was unpack the ornaments and decorations and my son and his girlfried actually did all the ornaments and other decorations for me. I only had a few bouts with the tears and actually found myself laughing and smiling this year. This will be my 3rd Christmas without Jack and hopefully it will be better than the previous ones, with less tears and more smiling. I was really dreading putting up that tree, but it was okay this year. I pray that all of you are doing okay, but if you just need someone to talk to, I am here for all of you.
Hugs,
Kathy
Hugs,
Kathy
Bah humbug
OMG< I hate the holidays, I got a call from my supervisor, I worked a night shift Monday night and the mother called her and asked that I not come back, lots of crap, like I told her I was cold, I was freezing all night, she wet the bed, Mom says she never wets the bed, I even changed all the sheets and the blankets, she was also freezing too, it was 24 outside, so I have one more case Friday night, the 15 month old, am so depressed, am thinking of giving up nursing, or suicide, not really, what would Booboo do without me, but I am feeling so worthless, what the hell do I have left to give the world, I feel as if I died when Randy die, or maybe I should have, he was young and had a lot of time left to give, I just feel over the hill, Sunday I will be 63, OMG, How did I live to be this old???
The Three A's
Many messages are coming in and thank you all for writing to share your thoughts and feelings. Please continue to do this........
As a result of these messages I wanted to share a few thoughts with the hope that perhaps you will find some help and peace in something that is written.
The three A's : Awareness, Acknowledgement and Action. Become aware of your emotions and express them, allowing them to help you heal. Acknowledge that your life has forever been changed by the death of someone you love. You cannot make your life the way it was before the death. Now, having become aware of emotions and having acknowledged change, you are freed from fighting change, freed to accept it, and freed to take action. One point is by far to important to skim over...remember: YOUR LOVED ONE HAS DIED< BUT YOUR LOVE HAS NOT. Your memories have not. Your loved one's influence in your life has not. Your loved one always has been and always will be part of who you are.
During this time holiday time you need to remember that you are not only grieving theperson who has died, but also the life that you lived with that person. You are in search of yourself, trying to reconstruct what is a shattered picture of your life. You know who you used to be but, who are you now? What you want is to piece the puzzle back together so that it looks like it always did. But you can't.
Please read the reply following for the remaining thoughts I wish to share with you.
Hugs of love and friendship
Jarcy
As a result of these messages I wanted to share a few thoughts with the hope that perhaps you will find some help and peace in something that is written.
The three A's : Awareness, Acknowledgement and Action. Become aware of your emotions and express them, allowing them to help you heal. Acknowledge that your life has forever been changed by the death of someone you love. You cannot make your life the way it was before the death. Now, having become aware of emotions and having acknowledged change, you are freed from fighting change, freed to accept it, and freed to take action. One point is by far to important to skim over...remember: YOUR LOVED ONE HAS DIED< BUT YOUR LOVE HAS NOT. Your memories have not. Your loved one's influence in your life has not. Your loved one always has been and always will be part of who you are.
During this time holiday time you need to remember that you are not only grieving theperson who has died, but also the life that you lived with that person. You are in search of yourself, trying to reconstruct what is a shattered picture of your life. You know who you used to be but, who are you now? What you want is to piece the puzzle back together so that it looks like it always did. But you can't.
Please read the reply following for the remaining thoughts I wish to share with you.
Hugs of love and friendship
Jarcy
Wedding Bells Update
Hello my friends, brothers and sisters. As I have posted before I am getting married on December 31. Kathy and I are excitedly anticipating the coming day.
I have recently had several concerns be eased. First, I asked my brother-in-law, Diana's brother, to be my Best-man. He readily accepted. I have also let other member's of Diana's family, aunts and cousins, know I am remarrying. They are all thrilled for Kathy and I. All said they know Diana would want me to move forward with my life. I always knew they would be behind any decision I might make. I told several of her aunts, that they were family for the 33 years I was married to Diana, and they are still family even though Diana is gone. They agreed.
So, friends, 27 days until the big day.
I have recently had several concerns be eased. First, I asked my brother-in-law, Diana's brother, to be my Best-man. He readily accepted. I have also let other member's of Diana's family, aunts and cousins, know I am remarrying. They are all thrilled for Kathy and I. All said they know Diana would want me to move forward with my life. I always knew they would be behind any decision I might make. I told several of her aunts, that they were family for the 33 years I was married to Diana, and they are still family even though Diana is gone. They agreed.
So, friends, 27 days until the big day.
Holiday Grief
Hello to all ...I have been getting many messages about the feelings that are hitting so hard right now for many. First and formost..know that this is NORMAL...don't try to fluff things off...realize they are normal feelings that you are having and go ahead and experience them. DO NOT try to mask them....not even for others.
Particularly at this time of year when families are celebrating the holidays, the "sudden small reminders"...and the large ones, too...come to plague us. We thought we were doing so well, and then there we are, crying as though our loss was yesterday. That's okay !!!!!!!
We need to take heart. If our loss is recent, the sadness is understandably overwhelming. If it was a while ago and we thought we were over the worst, then perhaps this time it will not take so long for "the quiet joy" to reassert itself, the spiritual presence to return in its quiet and infinitely precious way.
Our life runs in seasons, as does our grief. Some seasons are long, some short. But if we are resolute in our efforts to be present to the moment, even as we know this moment we give way to another, we can be assured at these times of renewed pain that things will get better.
When you are feeling your most grief-stricken, try t hold in some place in your heart the promise that it will get easier...you will feel better.
Know that there are many here for you...many who are going through the same thing. If possible come and share...let's help each other through this time.
Hugs of friendship
Jarcy
Particularly at this time of year when families are celebrating the holidays, the "sudden small reminders"...and the large ones, too...come to plague us. We thought we were doing so well, and then there we are, crying as though our loss was yesterday. That's okay !!!!!!!
We need to take heart. If our loss is recent, the sadness is understandably overwhelming. If it was a while ago and we thought we were over the worst, then perhaps this time it will not take so long for "the quiet joy" to reassert itself, the spiritual presence to return in its quiet and infinitely precious way.
Our life runs in seasons, as does our grief. Some seasons are long, some short. But if we are resolute in our efforts to be present to the moment, even as we know this moment we give way to another, we can be assured at these times of renewed pain that things will get better.
When you are feeling your most grief-stricken, try t hold in some place in your heart the promise that it will get easier...you will feel better.
Know that there are many here for you...many who are going through the same thing. If possible come and share...let's help each other through this time.
Hugs of friendship
Jarcy
