Ungrateful (Adult) Kids

I hope everyone had a good Labor Day yesterday and got to relax some. I did me and my husband did nothing at all but relax. I just wanted to let everyone know that I am going to counseling now for my problems and the main one is my younger daughter still not speaking to me for a year now. I couldn't cope with it any longer and needed help from a professional. I started last week and it was hard bringing up all the past year. I also have other problems with the death of my brother, a friend well really two friends, my cat, and a trip I took to New Mexico in May I ended up with anxiety problems now I can't go on long trips. Well anyway I go once a week and my counselor Victoria said she is glad I came for help because I probably would of not ever got through this on my own especially the death of more than one person. She said it is hard to deal with one death alone. So everyone pray for me that I can get through this and come out a champ again. Thanks. How is everyone else doing on here?

Life use to be so good before the next generation got here and made everything so shallow. I don't know where this world went so wrong. How can you go from a time when my age group talked about loving one another and rising up against the elder's who supressed us with the Vietnam war to Marylin Manson?

My kid doesn't talk to me anymore because she's angry that I made her pay her own way through school. I did this to teach her some responsibility. She also doesn't like the fact that I use to discipline her with a paddle on rare occasions. This was when she was much younger and acting up and I can count the times on one hand that I did this.

Now she say's that my ways were wrong. I refuse to be told that I was wrong for the way I raised my child. The whole thing came to a head when we were having an argument over what a horrible parent I had been. I was tring to tell her how to stop her newborn from crying and she told me that she didn't need my advice. I just told her to shut her mouth and let me hold my grandchild.

Now we no longer talk and I'm starting to come to the conclusion that she needs to change her ways before I let her and her family back into my world. I'm just trying to enjoy my retirement after a whole life spent supporting her and her upbringing. I don't need this aggrivation.

If I'm wrong may God and Jesus Christ come and tell me so. I've done my best and I don't care anymore what her or her husband think of me. Everyone has their problems with life and if she's going to keep blaming me for her's then I can't be a part of it.

Just want to say HI to all. I am so glad I found this group. I was beginning to think I was going crazy and really this is not understood by people it hasn't happened to. I'm sure when I talk about my problem, people assume I must have done something wrong. Well, I did if being too nice and trying to help when asked is wrong! It's just nice to know there are other mom's who have given and given until there's nothing left to give. This group I hope will be an adjunct to my therapy.

These posts really ring a bell with me. I am not only being blamed for all of my Son's (mid 30's) problems but, I am also accused of abusing him when he a child. This is because I gave him spankings with a belt. I can count the times on one hand that this happened. And, it was never out of meanness and it was never harsh.

His outward disdain for me begin after his daughter was born. I am not allowed to be alone with my Grand daughter. I can tell you that I was never a child abuser. But, getting accused of being abusive left me very depressed.

Since he married I have given him all that I could afford including a house, job, and loan payments made on his behalf. I have learned that the house isn't up to his wife's standards. He is free to sale the house (it's in his name) and get something better. But, that hasn't happened in in the six years he has owned the house. He also believes that he is entitled to the loan payments.

I have given up trying to please him as I am beginning to reallize that he will never appreciate the things that I do for him. This decission happened two weeks ago. And, I am beginning to feel better. I told him I would stop making his loan payments & he threw a fit & is not speaking to me now. During the years that I made his loan payment for him he never said thanks, never asked what the balance was, never offered to help, & never tried to refinance.

These posts have let me know that I am not alone & that UAK's are capable of pretty much anything.

So, thanks again & I'll stop ranting now.

SpiritualGraphics.com

I can't believe I am actually about to type my feelings..
I am a mother of 4 and married 23 years.
I have always tried my best to instill values, morals, respect and responsibility to my children. Empathy for people and unconditional love.

My daughter is 18 and just left for college for nursing school and Softball, she received a full scholarship.She works and pays for her room off campass /w 4 other girls. She is loving and respectful. We have a great relationship.

My 21 year old graduated hs]igh school but opted out of college and is working construction for a Developer and plans to move out soon. He is loving, respectful, helpful around our home. He only pays 100 a month rent and his car payment and insurance.

Oldest son is 23. I payed for his college for 2 months and he never went. He also ran up debt and I have made arrangements with the collectors to get hime out of debt.He brought home a girl that he doesn't plan to marry and said she was pregnant and kicked out of her house. They rent the down stairs for 200 a month.

I did not want them living out of a car so my husband and I opened our home to them.
Unfortunatley they had a premature baby at 30 weeks and he spent 7 weeks in the hospital. The baby is home now, 2 weeks, but they will not let me hold or feed the baby (I am the grandma!) I threw them a shower...Inviting mt friends and co-workers. I gave them all my youngest daugters (3 years old) crib, stroller, bassinet,etc.

I ask to hold the baby and they tell me no. My youngest daughter 3, wants to touch the baby and they say no. I told them that this is not working as they are not incorporating the baby into the family.Yet, They will bring the baby to a bar! but wont let us (the grandparents interact with him.)

I feel used, manipulated and hurt. My son yells at me for not respecting his girlfriends wishes.

This is my home. They are basically getting a free ride...am I being unreasonable to want to interact /w my grandchild. My son says he want to move away and take the baby as far away from me as he can. A threat.

They don't clean up without being asked. They wont let my youngest daughter touch the baby...so she is regressing.....My three year old actually asked if she was allergic to the baby.

My oldest son has always been argumentative and did not want to go by our rules. He has gaged his ears, tatooed his whole body and acts like he is the shit and runs my house...

His girlfriend is rude lazy and unapreciative.

I told my son today that he has to move. He said he would come October....In the mean time what do I do? Just ignore them?

It is very painful. I was a nurse for 14 years before going into InfoSystems....I have 3 wonderful children and one that is mean, selfish and argumentative .

I feel so hurt ...like a door mat. I talk to my husband and he just gets mad at them. He wants them out.

My son only makes about 1600 a month...How can I kick him out?

Thanks for letting me ramble on....

I am so embarrassed .....and hurt.

andrea

Compared to some of the letters I see here, I have it easy. My 40 something son moved in with me after my husband died last fall. I told him at the time it could only be until July. At the time I hoped to be able to sell the place I am in. Needless to say he is still here. I have another place near the beach which I had been renting out for about a year. When it became vacant I looked forward to working on it by myself. I told my son I did not want him to get involved in the place; that I needed to fix it up and rent it out again. You guessed it. He moved furniture in there--he still has furniture here as well. I want to live alone. He isn't paying rent, utilities or expenses. I should have the right to live on my own. He does do some work around both places but I'd rather hire it out or do it myself than put up with him. I know he's told some friends they could visit. I told him that he needed to get the visits over with and get all his stuff out by Sept. 15. I thought that was very generous. He is complaining even about that.
I would like to have a date by which he will either buy his own place in Florida or move back to Virginia, but I can't get a committment from him.

Welcome Graphic Comments

FEEL FREE TO POST ANYTIME YOU WANT TO VENT OR IF YOU JUST WANT TO ASK SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT WHY OUR UAK'S ACT THE WAY THE ARE. REMEMBER YOU ARE NOT ALONE A LOT OF PARENTS ARE GOING THROUGH THIS WITH OUR ADULT KIDS TODAY. HUGS!!!!

It's a miracle I found a place where others know what I'm feeling. Thank you! Thank you!

I have 3 children. My oldest daughter, 38, is driving me nuts. I take responsiblity for what has happened since I'm the Mom. Long story short, I said something to her during a visit about how her younger sister was so funny acting out something she did. My older daughter will be called T for short, and she is very sensitive and I should have never repeated it to her. But I did. I opened my mouth. Then she went straight to her younger sister and told her about it, telling her she never wants to talk to her again. My younger daughter and I are fine and talked it out and all is okay between us. She really can't understand either why T won't let it go and move on.

When I found out about all of this behind my back, I turned into the wicked witch of the west. I went back to the days when she was a teenager I think. All of a sudden I called T and told her I would never be able to trust her again and could not understand why she would tell her sister something I had specifically asked her not to. It went from bad to worse. She then told me she doesn't need me in her life either. So T has cut us out of her life and her sister and her family. Pitiful.

Problem: I have the most precious granddaughter and she's being kept from me. T is using her and that is so painful to me. I bit the bullet and told her (emailed and phone message) I was sorry for the "WAY" I spoke to her. I did not apologize for what I said.

Second Problem: During my rant at T, she brought up that my granddaughter had tried to kill herself that day and that the doctor had called to tell T she had cancer! I found out through her husband it was not true. She has a problem with drama to get her way. My granddaughter has mental illness so it was not far fetched for something like this to happen. So I bought it hook line and sinker. As anyone would. My daughter, T, has been having tests done so it was not unusual that she could possibly have had cancer although the thought of any doctor telling her over the phone seemed a bit out of character.

Third Problem: The fact she used my granddaughter and her health to stop me from speaking my mind (which I have not done in over 20 years to her) bothers me deeply.

Fourth Prob: T's husband emails us and so forth to keep us updated, but my daughter, T, has yet in three months to pick up the phone to return my calls or email back. My granddaughter has a mental illness and is very close to me. That is why this is very important to me.

Question: I've emailed, called and left messages, and done what I can as a mother to reach out and tell her I love her no matter what is said or done. I've said that we need to repair our relationship and try to go on and love each other. Evidently since she doesn't respond back, I don't know what is going through her mind. My husband and I emailed her husband to ask if our granddaughter could come spend a few days with us before school started. Her husband called my husband and said it wouldn't be a good time. In other words....T said NO. Our granddaughter needed to get away from her mother for a few days since T hovers to the point of smothering her. Our gd loves to be with us.

We live in another state so being with my loving granddaughter means a lot to us and to her. There is a great bond between us. She is 10.

Any suggestions or help as to what to do next would be so very appreciated. I feel I've done all I can. She has turned me into the bad guy here when we have done so much for them, more than you could imagine. All for nothing over nothing. I don't understand why T is holding on to this so long and so hard. Is there anything left I can do? Please help.

Mimi