Just wanted to wish all the Divas here a very Happy & Prosperous New Year!

As always,

Your Sister In Spirit

I've been away from this group due to packing and preparing to move from Atlanta to Phoenix. I finally got here last Saturday. Now I've got to unpack a kazillion boxes. It's really hot here but I'm glad to be getting a new start in life. It was important for me not to spend the 12th anniversary of my husband's unsolved murder in Georgia (June 25th). I left the 3500 sq. ft. house I bought 11 years ago and most of my furniture, appliances, and "stuff" to move into a 2 bedroom/2 bath apartment. Quite an adjustment, but I'm hoping that Phoenix will be a much better and happier place for me.

Take care, Ladies!

Linda Lou

I just wanted to take some time to see how the group is doing. I really miss being here like I was when I started the SisterGirl Network but I've had a hectic year. Back surgery to repair another herniated disc. The long-awaited trial in my husband's murder case ended in a mistrial due to a problem with the prosecution. My dear mother is suffering from moderate-severe Alzheimer's. My 88 year-old father is physically fragile and is having trouble watching the woman that he's loved for over 60 years "disappear" from the complications of the disease. My aunt died of breast cancer two weeks ago, just 6 weeks after her husband passed away. Just one thing after another.

But I'm glad to be able to come here every once and a while to see my "Divas". The site has changed so much that I barely recognize it!

If anyone is interested in being a Co-Moderator for our group, please send me a PM. We have an opening which definitely needs to be filled. Our two current Co-Moderators are fantastic!

THANKS & KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!

HERE'S WISHING ALL OF THE SISTERS

A VERY HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

FROM THE GROUP MANAGER & MODERATORS OF THE SISTERGIRL NETWORK

A week or so ago, I went on a "membership drive", personally inviting new Divas to join our group. As a result, our members have more than DOUBLED!!!

I tried to send all of our new members a "Gift" but, after about 20, my poor old fingers got tired. And I still haven't figured out how to insert graphics into my messages. So I'm thanking all of our new members here. I hope to "speak" to each and every one of you personally but with over 60 new members, it might take me a while!

Just know that we are glad to have you. Please jump in and start an interesting topic. Anything goes here. Those of you who have been "Sister Girls" since the group started last year know that I do not like censor anyone or anything. As long as we are respectful and gentle with each other, then let it all hang out! We even have a few "Men On The Floor" and we'd like their input on issues which puzzle women about men (which is a lot! LOL)

So let's get it started with a lively discussion. Obama? Wrinkles? Condaleeza's hair? Viagra? The economy? Or your favorite Thankgiving recipe? Let's share ideas, stories, photos, poetry - ANYTHING!

Jamma, Girlfriend, first let me commend you for holding my group together these past few months. I had not been as active as I was last year but I couldn't seem to get it together. My long-time friends here know of the many stressors that I have had in just the past 10 years, with the murder of my husband, trying to keep his case from going cold, finally getting an indictment last year only to have the suspect escape for several months. I got a lot of support from you Divas, with many of you commending me for being such a "strong woman". Well, guess what? Trying to hold it together, taking care of everybody and everything except myself finally caught up with me last week. Ordinarily this is not something that I would share with my closest friends, much less make a public posting online for the world to see. But I think it is more important for me to put my pride aside and maybe help another sister.

I had been having serious back pains for the past 6 months or so, A MRI showed a bulging disc - my fourth in 16 years. The treatment was to have my spine fused, a serious operation with a very long recuperative period, which would double or triple for me due to my having lupus. Since I'd already had five operations on my spine to repair the other disc problems, I was not about to go through it again. Plus with my recent lupus-related issue that with my blood not getting enough oxygen (resulting in having to be on any O2 breathing machine at night and massive scar tissue from the previous operations, no neurosurgeon really wanted to take my case. I am already on enough narcotics to drop a herd of elephants but the pain was still breaking through. So my pain management doctor suggested a Intrathecal Pump Implant (spinal morphine pump), inserted surgically into the body and filled every 30 to 60 days with morphine which is time-released into the spinal area. It's normally a very safe procedure with the usual surgical risks. However, patients must have a psychological evaluation to make sure that they are a good candidate for such an invasive and potentially dangerous and possibly addictive procedure. The doctors want you to have a reasonable expectation of the level of relief the pump will give and be able to deal with the recuperative period while the medication is being adjusted.

Your girl here went to have her evaluation last month, knowing that I could handle whatever the procedure was throwing my way. To the amazement of the psychologist, I completed the 3 hour written mental evaluation in an hour and 15 minutes, I was honest, open, and entirely comfortable during the verbal interview, looking the therapist in the eye and using every $5 multisyllabic word in my extensive vocabulary. Oh, I showed out! THEN THE TESTS WERE SCORED AND ALL OF THE INFO COMPILED INTO A WRITTEN REPORT.

I was found to be of superior intelligence, well-spoken, extremely charming, and a high-functioning, successful individual. I had the right expectations for the amount of relief I would get. There was no threat of my abusing the medications. But I was found not to be a good candidate for one reason, and one reason only - I AM SUFFERING FROM MAJOR DEPRESSION.

I was stunned. The evaluation went to say that I have taken on too much in my life, that I "push through" stressful events rather than deal with them. (My motto is "Mind Over Matter - If You Don't Mind, It Don't Matter!".) I didn't grieve properly after the death of my husband because I focused on caring for my two children and protecting them. I made sure that they had grief counseling but not for myself. I did the same thing after the stillbirth of my first child - I was more worried about my husband and even the nurses in the delivery room! After being a survivor of the 1994 Northridge 6.5 earthquake, I just shook it off (no pun intended) and now I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, not being able to go to sleep until after 4:31am, the time of the quake (I'm writing this at 4:30 in the morning rather than taking my butt to sleep!) I don't physically pace myself properly which is necessary with lupus - I'd rather work until my body literally stops me in my tracks. I'm harboring a huge amount of guilty because I think that I am not pulling my weight in caring for my physically fragile 88 year-old father and rapidly declining Alzheimer's patient mother when I live 800 miles away and have FIVE siblings in DC doing everything that needs to be done - although I do handle everything when it comes to research, finding doctors, assessing the best treatments, etc. Now those are just the things that I have shared here - you'd be reading for a week if I told you everything!

As a black woman growing up around black women I just followed their example - they never took the time to deal with our problems - they just keep on moving. They shied away from mental health issues as if is something to be ashamed of. However, the entire country right now is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Remember how shocked and stunned we were when the first space shuttle blew up in the mid 80s? How we couldn't even process the bombing in Oklahoma City? And the nightmare of September 11, 2001? But tragedies and natural disaster just kept coming. Another space shuttle lost. Hurricane Andrew, Katrina and Wilma. The Northridge earthquake. Tornadoes, landslides and fires. Employees going "postal" and killing co-workers. Charles Stewart, Scott Peterson and other men killing their pregnant wives. IT'S JUST BEEN TOO MUCH FOR ANY OF US TO HANDLE, MUCH LESS DEAL WITH OUR OWN PERSONAL TRAGEDIES.

I am not ashamed to tell you that I am currently in psychotherapy which will, hopefully, teach me that I am important. That giving so much to others is breaking me down so much that I will get to a point where I will of no use to anybody. That much of my physical ailments like my severe back pain is exacerbated by allowing myself to be so stressed out about everything. I am working on asking others for help instead of trying to hold the world on my shoulders. In the end, we hope that I will not even need the pump or many of the meds I'm already on because I will be able to use relaxation methods to handle stress, which is known to exacerbate pain.

We are NOT "Superwoman - we are "Super Women", which are two very different things.

I used to be on this site from midnight until 6 am until I felt it was "safe" to go to bed (there has never been an earthquake in Georgia!). I answered every private message I was sent and did my very best to respond to every new SisterGirl. If anyone had a problem, I was there to offer support. Little did I know that it was Bad Lady who needed some support.

In closing, I urge any of my sisters here to seek out mental health assistance whenever you feel overwhelmed. Learn to recognize the symptoms of depression:

• Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness - A bleak outlook—nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.

• Loss of interest in dailly activities - No interest in or ability to enjoy former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex.

• Appetite or weight changes - Significant weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.

• Sleep changes - Either insomnia or oversleeping (also known as hypersomnia).

• Psychomotor agitation or retardation - Either feeling “keyed up” and restless or sluggish and physically slowed down.

• Loss of energy - Feeling fatigued and physically drained. Even small tasks are exhausting or take longer.

• Self-loathing - Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. Harsh criticism of perceived faults and mistakes.

• Concentration problems - Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.

• Irritability - Easily annoyed or frustrated. Lashing out in anger or snapping at others.

• Aches and pains - New or worse physical symptoms, including headaches, backaches, diarrhea or constipation, abdominal pain, and aching joints.

If you don't feel better in a few weeks, please get help!

The only possible society is oneself. To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong relationship. TAKE CARE OF YOU FIRST!

As we come up on Christmas Day and yet another New Year, I want to take some time to wish all of you a great holiday. You have been the rock of this group. I appreciate everything that the divas here have done to keep this group going during my absences. But that shows that the SisterGirl Network is bigger than one person. It is about the stories, support, sharing, love, and beliefs of all of us.

Many of our Sisters have suffered losses in 2007 and many have had blessed events, such as grandchildren, marriages, a new home. That is the way of life. As mothers and grandmothers, sisters and daughters, we know the pains and joys that we go through just to be a woman. We meet adversity head on and keep pushing through. Now we march on into another year. It can only be as good as we make it. I, for one, plan on just changing the year's name a bit, just to put a positive spin on it. So I wish all of my dear SisterGirls......

A HAPPY & PROSPEROUS

"200GR8"

Much Love & Respect - Hope to see all of you next year,

Linda Lou

Just stopping by to see how you are doing and, as usual, you are working it! I have had an extremely busy and stressful few months, which has torn me away from my favorite site and my beloved group, THE SISTERGIRL NETWORK. Where do I start? Our pet, Rubi, died of cancer after more than 10 years faithful service and love of our family. My new website, www.theloosebook.com, has attracted a lot of people - some good, some not so good. I heard from several school mates from Howard University that I'd lost touch with, I got several nasty emails from the sister of the suspect in my husband's murder case, and I received an email from a young man who might be the result of a "tour indiscretion" made by my musician/recording artist husband. His friends came across my site and saw what they thought were baby pictures of their friend. Well, it was pix of MY son with his father. They turned him onto the site and he took one look and instinctively knew that something was up. He emailed me and called my son through a link which goes to his website. My son then called me and told me that I need to call the young man.

Now, out of everything, that was quite a shock. "Band (and ball) wives" are used to women putting babies on their husbands and most of us consider it an "occupational hazard". It had come up a few times during our marriage but nothing ever came out the allegations. Or so we thought...... Of course, one is never sure until a DNA test is done, but my husband has been dead for 10 years so testing would be difficult and very expensive. However, the young man looks just like my children. He was shocked when I didn't act a fool or hang up on him. What was I to do? My own family is not quite a "tree", just a "bunch of twigs". The man who raised my mother was not her biological father but you would never have known it. He treated her like his own and went on to father another 9 children with my grandmother. He is the only grandfather that I knew and he is my relative by love. There is also some issue about my father's father. And that's just the "ole folks"! I have a foster sister whom I love like my five biological siblings. I could go on, but you get the point. We just "absorb" any child who comes into our family - no questions asked. I told the young man to just jump on the top of the "pile of twigs" which is my family tree and we would just make the best of the situation.

He is a great kid, 28 years old with his own business, no children, and no criminal record. Who could ask for more? He visited us for Thanksgiving. He walked into the house, gave me the biggest hug, and then opened my refrigerator door! He was "home". His mother had deserted him at age 5 and he never knew my husband. He'd heard some rumors but no one told him the true story so the poor child had grown up not knowing anything about himself. He was raised by his grandparents who did a magnificent job with him. You know how hard it is to get these young people raised up these days, with drugs, crime, pregnancies, etc. We had a great holiday. The three children get along like they were raised together! What could have been a really bad time in a woman and wife's life turned out to be a blessing. My first child was stillborn 29 years ago today, on December 3, 1978. It was pain that I shared with my husband for 19 years, but I've had to make it through this day alone for the last 10 years. Yet, today was the first time that I didn't feel depressed. I always wanted a third child and I now I have one - without labor pains!!! Ain't God good?

I have been on a mission to recruit new members for our group, sending out about 30 invitations in the past few days. If you ladies come across people on Eons who might benefit from our group, please extend them an invite.

It has been a very good year for The SisterGirl Network, which was started in 2007. So let's keep it up. Welcome to our newest members.

As for everyone here, here's wishing you all.....

A VERY HAPPY HOLIDAY

AND

A PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR!!!

Hello, All! Just stopped in to see how everyone is doing and it seems that the SGN is still going strong. Thanks always to the Co-Moderators and all of the Sisters, past and present, who keep up the good work here.

I had to take a little break from Eons because I have been really sick recently. Going back and forth to the doctor has taken up a lot of my time and energy. Lupus ain't no joke! I encourage all women who suffer from symptoms which cannot be diagnosed (like fatigue, sore and swollen joints, sensitivity to sun, rashes) to insist that your doctor test you for systemic lupus. It is not done in a regular blood test and women, particularly African-American women, can go on for years suffering. It usually shows its ugly head in your late 20s, generally after a traumatic event. In my case, it was childbirth at 28 and 29, just 10 months apart (my first child was stillborn). The stress of giving birth is a shock to the body. Be sure to pass this info on to your daughters. Lupus is a disease which does not get the attention that it deserves.

I think that I read that a Sister lost a pet. My thoughts are with her because we lost our beloved "Rubi", a 12-y/o Rottweiler/Bull Mastiff mix, on August 16th of cancer. It was devastating. One minute she was limping from what the vet thought was arthritis and within days she couldn't walk. She was put in the animal hospital on a Tuesday morning for a biopsy, diagnosed with cancer on Wednesday, and died early Thursday morning before my kids and I could say goodbye. We made the hard decision to have her put down Thursday afternoon but she took a turn for the worse before we could get there. Some people don't understand it but, for us, our pets are like members of the family. "Rubi" was supposed to be a watch dog but in her later years, the only security she would have given our home was laying on the couch, "watching" a burglar steal us blind! But we loved her.

I want to welcome all of our new members. I hope to be a little more active soon. I am in the middle of a horribly stressful time right now. I will share it with you soon because I draw a lot of my own personal strength from you Ladies here.

Take care and God bless you all!

Linda Lou