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Put Mom in the Yard



I Have a beautiful backyard that has grown into a burden, a duty demanding my time, rather than a pleasure that fulfills me with a sense of accomplishment, as mowing, planting and pruning once did. This “duty” now intrudes into my time playing golf, fishing, or hanging out with friends at the corner coffee shop.

At first, having mom move in was great for the family. She helped with household chores, and fixed my old favorites such as, fresh baked biscuits and country ham for breakfast. She baked fresh peach cobbler when peaches were in season (another favorite) and, in the holiday season she made thick country custard you drink, so delicious and so addictive.
It was like a second childhood for a while, but like all fantasies, that illusion soon vanished. Her constant offers of high caloric foods began to irritate me as it did when I was a young adult. I had dreams during which, I had to answer for my many faults and failings to both my wife, my mother, and my kids. True to my dream life, I would hurriedly search my dreaming brain for the reason today was so important until I would wake up in a terror, fearing that I would never know.

Mom had to go! It got so bad that I threatened to pitch one of my tents in the backyard for one of us. The real truth was hidden behind all of these clouds of old emotions and habitual behavior. Mom and I had switched roles and we were both ignoring that obvious reality. I was now the caregiver, and she the recipient of my care. Neither of us knew how to act or to relate to each other in those new roles. Mom revealed to me that she was as uncomfortable as me, fearing she would be a burden if she didn’t do her share. Talking brought out the adult in both of us and we began searching for options. An assisted living facility might be in her future, but right now she was healthy and able to care for herself and wanted to live as independently as possible. Grudgingly, she admitted that moving out of the big old home she shared with dad was still a wise choice, but where now? An apartment close by seemed like a viable option, but for us it meant money down the drain with no hope of a return. The apartments we looked at in good secure buildings cost $1,000.00 per month or more, and we weren’t comfortable with the lack of security in others that cost less.

We discovered, through a process of elimination, that we would follow my first instinct and “put mom in the yard”. However, we would build her a beautiful cottage of her own, one she could care for easily and live independently. A second mortgage on our home provided the needed cash to build the small cottage above a new two-car garage out back, and if mom decides to move somewhere else later we can rent the cottage and actually make money in the process. Since the cottage has an elevator we can rent to an older adult, like mom, or to anyone else we choose. So, for now, mom is close by

Monk on the loose


Mysidekick's profile
1 reply - last reply

Ever consider

retiring in sunny beautiful southwestern New Mexico . Deming might be the place for you. Small town setting , located within 45mins of major metro area. Extremely affordable housing. Great weather , no traffic , no crime just friendly folks , popular with snowbirds and retirees. If I can help you relocate just e mail me at artinmaz@yahoo.com
Kingfishat60's profile

Asheville Downtown Condos

We are renovating five buildings in downtown Asheville for mixed use, including luxury condos. I would appreciate knowing any amenities we should include in the project. For example, is a fitness center of interest?

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RelocateAmerica.com
Named Asheville #9 in “America’s Top 100 Places to Live.

Pinnacle Living Magazine
Rated Asheville one of the top 25 towns in the Southern mountains for relocation, second homes and retirement

USA Weekend Magazine
Asheville named one of five “Cities that are Special.”

National Geographic Adventure
Asheville listed as one of the “10 Great Adventure Towns.”

Southern Living Magazine
Asheville chosen as one of the top mountain destinations in the Southeast in a Reader’s Choice poll.

Frommer’s Travel Guide
Asheville is listed as the 8th best place to live in the United States

GreenBuilder's profile

Retirement Bargains

Yucca Valley, CA made the US News top 10 retirement bargain list. Living in Yucca Valley, you can enjoy both Palms Springs and the Joshua Tree National Park at bargain prices. Follow this link for more info on Yucca Valley and other retirement bargains.
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brewerjon's profile
2 replies - last reply

Yuma Arizona

I am looking for a place to and having passed through Yuma on several occasions it seems to fit the bill. It is close enough to San Diego for day trips yet has the same climate as Phoenix. Real estate prices seem reasonable and from what I understand there is a large influx of snow birds in the winter months. Does anyone have a take on this area?

bergzabern's profile

San Diego County--Active Senior Living

I am proud to have my Senior Real Estate Specialists designation.

Only 12,000 Realtors in the United States have earned the SRES (Senior Real Estate Specialists)designation. By earning the SRES® designation, your REALTOR® has demonstrated necessary knowledge and expertise to counsel clients age 55-plus through major financial and lifestyle transitions involved in relocating, refinancing, or selling the family home. Your REALTOR® has received special training, gets regular updates, and is prepared to offer the options and information needed in making life changing decisions.

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Full Time Realtor
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MaryMartha's profile

Oregon Retirement

I live in San Francisco but I want to retire to Grants Pass, OR. I am interested in buying a manufactured home. Does anyone know the hidden pitfalls or negative things of owning a manfuctured home. I need input.

clownmama's profile

Rental Hobe Sound

2 bed 1 bath in Hobe Sound neighborhood $795 4 miles from beach--storm shutters, lawn service, close to shops---1 year lease, scr porch and patio
randawittman's profile

Living in Smoky Mts. Area

We currently have our new home up for sale and feel that it would more than meet a great place to retire! Visit the website to view our home and all details. Go to FSOB.com and enter Listing I.D. 91496. Let me know if anyone is interested. Thanks.
Dawne

1 reply - last reply

Does anyone know about retiring to Panama?

I heard that Panama is a nice place to retire that medical attention is cheaper. After 30 years in one company I will be retiring in two years without medical, dental or much of a pension. Currently have a rental apt in Stuy Town, New York City. Need to find a place friendly and reasonable for those without insurance.

Thanks.

rocketmittens's profile
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Messages 11 - 20 of 25