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lPrior to burying my son, at 24 my dad came to visit me at work; he fell at my feet with a heart attack; I did CPR but to no avail. I then eventually married, and had Andy, this was after losing one child on Easter Sunda. I also suffered a rape, which child was aborted with little say on my part as I was a minor; 'but then came Andy, my joy. He became cronically ill with off the charts asthma and spent the firt two years in the hospital; my husband finally left. I had to find work and leaving my baby there alone broke my heart; but he recovered and I worked 60 hours a week to give him good child care, and a good life. Granted I lived in second hand closes and drove a car with silly puddy in the floor boards to keep my feet dry; Of course my son drove a safe car but died at 17, no alcohol, no drugs, just some guy running a read light. I had no suport and worked 80 hours a week and lived like a hermitel
then my stepdad, a great man died of cancer, but I so so glad to be with him in the end; my next stepfater shot himself so I had to care for my mother. In my younger days my best girlfriend's estranged usband came to her home and killer her Mom Via and her husband Don and my friend Jan, and took their child.

I lost severalf other friends, in short I have not had a life of my own, and now have met David who makes me heart sing...I don' think he want's me, yet i KNOW HE LOVE Me, but lives in fear...so there is nothing left for me to do put leave this earth plain, he was my last hope, GOd has forogetten mel It is my time to go now, I feel it in my heart. GOd sent me David he loves me but lives in fear and I can't live without the only good thing I have had in my life,,,,,he oozes life.....I need life, I can't handle any more death but my own. SO I guess this is goodbye, I hope your life brings you joy, even in the event of your loss, mine well, the hits just keep coming; gona spend all my money and just juump off one on on of those great bridges in Paris. Viola' Unless I get the the flight attedanat Job at UA; 2 intervies, but I may be too old.. My life long dream next to Davie; If not oh the plunge doesn't sound so bad; God bless you all

Hello,
My 16 yr old daughter was killed after school by 2 16 year old boys that were drag racing in front of her school. She made it across two lanes and was waiting in the median. They went around the traffic and ran her down where she stood. I expected that this devistating loss would be a tradgedy not only for my family but for this boy and his family too. Later I found out that he got a speeding ticket 2 weeks after killing Michelle for doing 75 mph in a 30 mph limit. They never even took away his driving privilages. He was awarded for overcoming obsticales when he graduated from the school where he killed her. We never did overcome these obsticles. My other children, both with so much promise when they were kids, have not had the parents or the life they should have had and it shows. Parents are the foundation of a child's life. It is only lately that I realize that my children have grown up in a home of grief, saddness and depression for it's foundation pretending to be normal and happy. It has not been successful. Michelle's birthday is coming up. It is the worst part of the year for me, still. Sorry to be so down. Spring is here! New growth. Sunshine! God please help me feel it. I am so very tired.

A friend's husband was murdered about 6 yrs ago. Some guy stomped him to death in front of his own house. (BTW guy got a whole four years) Anyhow, I didn't meet my friend until a year or more later. She was late 20's at the time he was killed. We hit it off almost immediately. When I would tell her I understand her odd thoughts, her bargains she was trying to make, her zoning out and her inability to make conversation at times she wasn't ready to believe me. I would go over to her place and just sit there with her. Sometimes she wanted to talk but most often not. We just sat. ( Her family was no support nor was her husbands. She has 3 children. ) Over time and with conversation here and there about this and that she realized I did understand. She still tells me the best thing I could have done for her was what I did, I just sat there.

I would have loved to have had someone do that for me. Just be in my house and sit there. Sometimes the emptiness and loneliness was almost too much to bear. People would want to help or talk or ask if I'm ok. ( No I'm not ) I didn't feel like I could just sit and say or do nothing. I wanted to so badly. To respond to questions meant i had to pay attention and if I paid attention the thought would be there.

Did any one else have someone who did just exactly what you needed when you needed it. They just knew what to do.

take care
Lily

Hello,

Sadly, but gladly, I found this site. I lost my oldest son in a drowning accident in 1987. People tried to help, but they really couldn't understand ( and I am grateful they couldn't ) the depth of my grief.

He was two and a half weeks from his 18th birthday. I don't talk about it much because of how people respond or how they don't know how to respond.

I have a mother's guilt, which I think most would understand, despite hearing I am not to blame.

While I can't say it has gotten easier, I have learned to take it day by day. The pain and sorrow is not all consuming, as it was for so long. But, it is still there none the less. My son has a daughter, who has made me a great grandmothe,r and is expecting her second child in a few months. She was only about 18 months old and never actually knew him. I can see where it has caused her pain in her life by the choices she has made.

I did not join the local " Compassionate Friends" in my area because I find it impossible for me to share my feelings with others in a face to face arena. I think this site is what I have been needing and wanting for a long time.

I still feel the loss of him and don't know how to handle it sometimes except by shutting down and isolating myself. Even after all these years, it still feels like yesterday. Probably because I haven't been able to express my thoughts and feelings about it, as I wanted/needed to do.

I will write here regularly. I will also put out that I am a willing listener.

take care and god bless
Lily

I just joined eons and wanted to say hello to you all and tell you how sorry I am that we are meeting *this* way.

We lost our 16 year old daughter in a totally preventable automobile accident in 2002. Her friend, who was picking her up for weekly evening band practice for the first time, decided to kill a little time by going fast down a hilly road to "catch air." She lost control and slammed into a tree.

The boy who had been in the back seat took her seat while she was dropping off her backpack at our house, and she had to get in the back. She died, horribly mangled, and he survived with just a minor concussion. It is hard to understand and be okay with that.

My husband was completely devestated, feeling it was his fault because he had ignored that little warning voice and given her permission to go.

He closed himself off from everyone else and eventually quit his job and decided he did not want to be my husband anymore. I know he wishes I had been the one to die instead of her. And I know he would gladly have taken her place, too.

He is trying to start a new life back where he grew up, but he is having a terrible time still. It makes me very sad to know there is nothing I can do to make things better for him.

I can only work on me. I am doing much better. I've moved back to my home town, and I have a good support system of old friends, my mom, and other family members. Life is good again.

We lived in a small town when this tragedy happened. One thing we noticed was how people would avoid us after this happened, almost as if they felt it was contagious. Sometimes they would even pretend not to see us when we knew they did.

When we went to the football games to support our other daughter in Color Guard, there would be an island of empty seats around us.

We were not the kind of people who cried publically or wanted to share our pain with everyone, so we felt almost as if we were being punished unfairly. We stopped going because it was so uncomfortable.

I understand now that people just didn't know what to say. But I wish there were some way to educate people about this. Ignoring it only makes it worse.

I hope that all of you have had access to help in dealing with your losses. I had a wonderful counselor that I really feel helped me save my sanity. This is one burden that no one can be expected to be strong enough to carry alone.

My heart goes out to all of you, and I wish for you the courage and strength and support you need on this life-long journey down a road no parent should ever have to travel.

I lost my sweet 21 year old hippie princess Jessica Erin on March 9, 1996 from Meningicocal disease. Nearly 11 years later and it still hurts almost as much as the first time I heard she was gone. Probably more actually because I am pretty sure that I immediately went numb for a long time. As I was picking up some sort of medication the doctor put me on I spoke to the pharmacy assistant who told me that she had lost her son about 10 years previous. She told me something that I have tried to pass on to anyone who suffers the loss of a loved one. That message is this "The hurt never goes away. But one day you will realize that you are not crying all the time." For some reason that is the one thing that helped me get through after I figured out that I was never going to get an answer to "WHY?" At least not one that I would be satisfied with. I still have hard times around her birthday and the holidays. But I now have a wonderful son-in-law and a granddaughter with Jessica's middle name. And although it makes me sad that they will never meet Jessica, I am glad that her sister was with her for 18 years.

Hi, everyone......I, too, can honestly say I sympathize with you over the loss of a child. My 22 year old son died just over 10 years ago, on the day before my birthday. He suffered a brain hemorhage. I honestly believe he left feeling no pain and for that I am thankful. We miss him terribly and his name comes up daily in our conversations. He is especially missed by his now 18 year old sister. She can get choked up just talking about him, wondering where and what he might be doing today. I think the physical pain of the loss does eventually fade, but there will always be an empty spot in my heart.

I just went over some of the stories to see who has been in this group. I noticed there has been no movement which makes me sad. I think we all need each others support. My friends has always been very understanding but they can't say they know how i feel. Some people has acted like i was terrible that i didn't end my own life. That never made sence to me i have other children and beautiful grandchildren yes my heart is broke, yes i would love more than anything to have some answers but am i wrong to see how ending my own life makes no sence to me. Does that make me a rotten parent? If i did that who would be here to fight and find out who hurt my son? I would love to hear some point of views and someone to tell me if they have also been confronted with this Thanks Tessylou

I see there are more folks finding this site. I'm sorry for the reason, but it's great that there is a place to share. There is no handbook for "Losing a Child".
No one can tell you that you must feel this way or that way, you must do this or do that. They cannot tell you it's "time" for you to be "over" it. We know, as long as we love, we will never be over it. We can, however, eventually move on and begin to cope. At first, no one could have convinced me that it would be possible, but the griping harshness did ease. I think of Brian everyday, and still have my grief times, but they are farther between now.

I'm sorry for all your pain and losses, but unfortuately, you are not alone. This is a wonderful place to share your feelings.

Brian's Mom, Betsy

Hi, just found this group. I've lost 2 sons, Ryan in a car accident 7 yrs ago and Shiloh asphixiated in crib (not SIDS) 9 yrs ago. Hardly a day goes by that I don't think of them. I shall meet them in the clouds some day and we'll be together again. I want to finish my fatherhood.