It's been around for a long time - but a friend just sent this to me - thought that I would share it with you. ;O)
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
If Jimmy cracks corn and you don't care, why are you singing that stupid song about him?
Airline Jokes
Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"
I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.
The food on the plane was fit for a king. "Here, King!"
Doctor Jokes
A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said "Cough!"
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered "So did my arthritis!"
The Doctor says "You'll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell you?"
A doctor says to a man "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day." Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says "How is your love life since you have been running?" "I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!"
The patient says "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"
The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do" asks the patient. The doctor says "I'm mad at my neighbor!"
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says "That's what puzzles me!"
"Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says "Limp!"
Doctor says to a man "You're pregnant!" The man says "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says "The usual way, a little wine, a little dinner...."
A man goes to a psychiatrist "Nobody listen to me!" The doctor says "Next!"
A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says "You're crazy" The man says "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!"
"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!"
Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."
I know a guy who had his doctor say "take some weight off, go to a health club." This man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!
It's colder than a witches you know what in NYC - what do you do to stay warm - and I know that Florida is toasty! ;O)
with your puppy, VioletDove!!! That picture is soooooo cute. I want one too.
Remember the singing rage-Miss Patti Page? Did you dance to the Tenn. Waltz?
On a piece of paper unscramble the words.
UNSCRAMBLE THE WORDS
1. RSVIUONE
2. SOBRDUE
3. VARTEGINL
4. WLRNGGOI
5. SRNTIA
6. EEANNIVTL
7. TEVDALAEU
8. RRYABIL
9. TGGLENNIHA
10.SSEEGHTGINI
---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------ANSWERS
1. SOUVENIR
2. ROSEBUD
3. TRAVELING
4. GROWLING
5. TRAINS
6. VALENTINE
7. EVALUATED
8. LIBRARY
9. NIGHTINGALE
10.SIGHTSEEING
Well I have get going. I have to go to work. I volintrrm every Fri. 4 hr. at our museum. It is on the Anasazi Indians.
See you latter.
Agriculture: In 1940, Norman Borlaug led a group of scientists looking into ways to improve farm efficiency. Where were the farmers they were asked to help?
South Dakota
Brazil
Mexico
South Africa
2 Biology: Who is credited with discovering photosynthesis?
Andreas Vesalius
Leonardo da Vinci
Charles Darwin
Jan Ingenhousz
3 Horticulture: Where did tomatoes originate?
Central America
Italy
Africa
China
4 Language: Which language family does the most widely spoken language in the world belong to?
Indo-European
Hamitic
Semiti
Sino-Tibetan
5 Literature: Which is an example of allegory?
War and Peace by Tolstoy
Animal Farm by Orwell
Moby Dick by Melville
Bleak House by Dickens
6 Mathematics: In a right triangle, what is the side opposite the right angle called?
the tangent
the cosecant
the hypotenuse
the hypothesis
7 Perfume: Of the 5,000 ingredients used in creating fragranced products, what percentage of these have the inhaling effects been safety tested?
0%
50%
80%
99%
8 Physics: Which is not one of the four fundamental forces of nature?
elasticity
electromagnetism
gravitation
weak nuclear force
9 SETI: Where was the world's first SETI meeting held?
Geneva, Switzerland
Berkeley, California
Arecibo, Puerto Rico
Green Bank, West Virginia
10 Software: Software that is intended to be purchased after a free trial period is called what?
liteware
public domain software
shareware
freeware
ANSWERS BELOW
1.MEXICO
2.JAN INGENHOUSZ
3.CENTRAL AMERICA
4.SINO-TIBETAN
5.ANIMAL FARM
6.HYPOTENUSE
7.0%
8.ELASTICITY
9.GREEN BANK,WEST VIRGINIA
10.SHAREWARE
Yes Dottie, I have a great group. I have 30 and a waiting list. They don't all go every time. We have all of them go if we just eat lunch here in town. We do that in the summer when it is about 115 and to hot to really fell like driving anywhere. I try to see that we don't go to places we have to walk too far.Some of my ladies are not to well. Also I have to try and keep the price down. As a lot of them are just on social security. But so for every thing has worked out well.
What did you want to be when you grew up? Did you come close to your dream?
I wanted to be a ballerina, but my horse bucked when he saw a rattle snake and I wound up in traction for six months and never could continue with what I loved most. I am healed now, and I dance, but ballet was out. However, I also enjoyed taking care of people so I became a doctor and a psychologist. It has been a rewarding life.
Share with us if your youthful dream of a career came true?
