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I would like to get to know our members better. How about telling us something about yourself.

What is your situation? Are you currently divorced, in the process of divorcing, or contemplating a divorce?

Glad to find this group. I am divorcing after 23 years, my husband's choice. Living alone, especially during the holidays has been tough.

Wishing you all the best in 2012!

Please help me! I have been married to a woman for 32 years. She is a nice person and is considerate of others. We have 4 children. One is married, one will be graduating from college this year and will probably marry next year. Mt oldest has learning disabilities connected with a birth problem but the worst is my youngest. He is 19 and has CP. She is a very good mother and takes wonderful care of him. We live more like good friends -- not husband and wife. About a year ago, I met someone while out of town on business. It was quite by accident. One thing led to another and I find myself in love with this woman. Part of me hates to hurt my wife. Again, she is a good person. I am not and have not been in love with her for a long time. Am I a bad man for wanting to leave? Please help me.

"Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth.

Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life."

- Joan Lunden

"Never hold a grudge, because while you do, the other guy is out dancing." -- Buddy Hackett

How are you doing with this advice?

Hope you have a good one!

It's all in your way of seeing :)

My soon to be ex and I have been like friends for so long I can't remember if we ever really had a spark. We traveled together, went out with friends,but had no contact if we were alone together. If I tried to talk about work, he didn't want to hear it. If I asked about his work, he would say it's fine or nothings new. If we went out with friends he would talk non-stop about what was going on in his life.

He never participated in our daughters' lives or cared to get together with my family. I think 30 years of being married and alone is all I could take. I was afraid to take the first step though. He started sleeping with a friend of mine, although he told me over and over that he had no interest in her because she has a 5 year old. I asked him not to lie because I didn't want to find out later that I was a fool. He said no, there is nothing going on. He lied. She has issues (bipolar and isn't taking her meds plus 2 lawsuits for fraud against her). He got herpes. Ha!

To make a long story short, I filed for divorce a year ago and will be divorced in 2 days. He started parading her around town while we were still living in the same house, but I couldn't stand it any longer and moved into a rental unit 4 months ago.

People are telling me I seem calmer and happier. I don't have the stressful look in my eyes. How can I have no feelings about him after 30 years and 2 children? Shouldn't I feel like I have fond rememberances? Will this come with time? I try not to speak poorly about him with our adult children, but slip occasionally and hate that all of a sudden they want to work on a relationship with him. Will that get easier too? I haven't told him of her issues because it would seem like sour grapes.

Thanks in advance for any answers and suggestions. In 2 days I won't be legally tied to him any longer. Woo-hoo!

I finally had the courage to move forward and end this marriage, I am 54 years of age with no employment, no vehicle, no $$$$, no family in the area, and facing this difficult decision. MY husband and I have no children together, been together on and off for 11 years, not easy ones. I consulted a divorce attorney 3 months ago, but I was asked for a few thousands dollars as a retainer, so I had to quit that idea for a while. He works, but I have no access to money, he pays the bills, he has always enjoyed health insurance thru his employer, while I have never had because it costs him too much, I have not seen a doctor in 8 years, bank accounts solely on his name. During our marriage, I can count with the fingers in my hand the times he told me he loved me, his version of affection was sleeping with me in the same bed with his hands crossed over his chest every night. Well, after a terrible argument this past weekend he was asked by the police to leave, I was hoping he will never return, but he did yesterday and told me that he will cut off my phone , internet, cable if I did not let him move back into a spare bedroom, this is very difficult, I am hoping to hang in there and move forward.

Well, my wife, a very nice person, has had a problem (lack of desire/not interested) for a few years and will not seek help from doctors or therapists. So, I've asked her, four times, to get help; wouldn't do it. When I retire, possibly next year, if no change--bye!

Hi. I just had to say, "All of these dating sites?" Well, I am not sure if they do criminal background checks. I do know however; Most of the sites for me have been too expensive to join or the men do not always tell the truth and neither do the women.
Does anyone of you have a hard time just wanting to get out and do something?

Why is it so hard to do things all by myself? How should I begin my life all over again?

Hopeless Romantic! Lahayle

Today is the day that my 31 yr marriage will be officially over. I go to court this afternoon to have the marriage dissolved. I have mixed emotions about this but know that this is the right thing for me to do.

Thirty-one years is a long time to be with someone (even though the last 18 mths we have been separated) so I am filled with a sense of loss. I am sad too because I never expected to be single again because of divorce. I feel that I have failed not only myself but my kids even though at least one of them understands why the marriage failed. I blame myself but I also blame my "ex". He wasn't willing to meet me half way and try to fix the marriage. He felt that we could talk when in reality neither one of us would talk about the problems and how to fix them. I wanted us to get professional help. I just wanted to give it a try to see if it would work. He said no. His reasoning, if we couldn't talk to each other, then we wouldn't talk to someone else. I didn't look at it that way, so I went by myself. That was when I realized that this marriage never had any communication at all. Oh we "talked" but not about the important things and never about our feelings. And usually the talks were one sided with me talking about what was wrong (usually about our daughter) and what I felt needed to be done. He never suggested any solutions but left everything up to me. He knew I needed his strength and help but he chose to put it all on me knowing the stress was not good for me due to my heart condition.

After a while the lack of support, the deceitfulness and the break down of further communication led to the separation. For my own health I could not take it anymore. It turns out that was what I needed. My stress level decreased significantly. I wasn't angry all the time. I still got mad at my "ex" but that anger was at a level that was controllable and it didn't linger for days like it did when we were together.

So here we are at the end of this chapter. As I said, I'm sad but yet I am anxious to get on with the next chapter of my life. To have that connection cut brings a sense of relief. I will no longer feel that I am obligated to that person. I am in control of my own life and don't have to "ask" for permission to do what I want, buy what I want and go where I want. I am looking forward to doing the things that I have wanted to do but didn't get to do because he wouldn't do them with me. I'm looking forward to having friends again to hang out with and do things with. I may be 55 but I still have many good years left in me and I am looking forward to enjoying every single one of them. If at some point I find that certain someone who fills ALL my needs, then good for me. I won't ever get married again. I'd lose the monthly support check I'll be getting (believe me I earned it!) but I would consider living with someone as a companion.

So wish me luck today. I hope all goes my way and nothing comes up that causes any problems.

Terry