Viewing details of messages, sorted by time of creation ("sticky messages" first)
Three Years
I do read the posts here and pray for all of you. Other than that, I am usually a very silent partner. All of our losses, relationships and personalities are very unique. At the three year mark of losiny my husband, I have fiqured something out. ( I am often s--l--o--w).
In the past three years, I have thought and lived like a hunted animal. All most every day, I have felt persecuted, threatened and unloved. I thought that I was a stone's throw away from being homeless and destitute, and have became obsessed with becoming self reliant. I have isolated myself to a degree because people and situations have threatened to harm or destroy me. All of this became an overwhelming reality to me because I was loved. Loved completely and unselfishly by my husband. In human terms,I was never loved like that before, not will I ever be loved like that again. The power of love is awesome, indeed.
In the past three years, I have thought and lived like a hunted animal. All most every day, I have felt persecuted, threatened and unloved. I thought that I was a stone's throw away from being homeless and destitute, and have became obsessed with becoming self reliant. I have isolated myself to a degree because people and situations have threatened to harm or destroy me. All of this became an overwhelming reality to me because I was loved. Loved completely and unselfishly by my husband. In human terms,I was never loved like that before, not will I ever be loved like that again. The power of love is awesome, indeed.
I was not alone in China
I just returned from 2 weeks in China. Jerry and I had talked about doing a mission trip together someday...so this was unfinished business for me. Jerry was the traveler, not me, I am the nester, so I never really believed that I would go. I did feel that Jerry was with me on this trip.
I have struggled with the feeling of having no purpose in my life but I was so blessed when a Chinese local church worker told me that he & his wife had prayed for 5 years for an artist to do a portrait of their daughter. They felt that I was that artist and I was honored and humbled to draw the portrait for them.
In the clinic that we set up for the poor migrant workers from the villages, I met the most amazing people with kind, grateful and loving hearts. They certainly gave more to me than I was able to give to them.
I have posted the pictures of the students from the school where we set up the clinic. They are amazing young people from the home churches who are the future of China. They live there with no sanitary facilities, showers or even hot water but their attitudes are gracious and they are a joy to know. They all live at the school. Their parents are either imprisoned or harrassed because of their Christian activities. Please pray for them.
I have struggled with the feeling of having no purpose in my life but I was so blessed when a Chinese local church worker told me that he & his wife had prayed for 5 years for an artist to do a portrait of their daughter. They felt that I was that artist and I was honored and humbled to draw the portrait for them.
In the clinic that we set up for the poor migrant workers from the villages, I met the most amazing people with kind, grateful and loving hearts. They certainly gave more to me than I was able to give to them.
I have posted the pictures of the students from the school where we set up the clinic. They are amazing young people from the home churches who are the future of China. They live there with no sanitary facilities, showers or even hot water but their attitudes are gracious and they are a joy to know. They all live at the school. Their parents are either imprisoned or harrassed because of their Christian activities. Please pray for them.
I was not alone in China
I just returned from 2 weeks in China. Jerry and I had talked about doing a mission trip together someday...so this was unfinished business for me. Jerry was the traveler, not me, I am the nester, so I never really believed that I would go. I did feel that Jerry was with me on this trip.
I have struggled with the feeling of having no purpose in my life but I was so blessed when a Chinese local church worker told me that he & his wife had prayed for 5 years for an artist to do a portrait of their daughter. They felt that I was that artist and I was honored and humbled to draw the portrait for them.
In the clinic that we set up for the poor migrant workers from the villages, I met the most amazing people with kind, grateful and loving hearts. They certainly gave more to me than I was able to give to them.
I have posted the pictures of the students from the school where we set up the clinic. They are amazing young people from the home churches who are the future of China. They live there with no sanitary facilities, showers or even hot water but their attitudes are gracious and they are a joy to know. They all live at the school. Their parents are either imprisoned or harrassed because of their Christian activities. Please pray for them.
I have struggled with the feeling of having no purpose in my life but I was so blessed when a Chinese local church worker told me that he & his wife had prayed for 5 years for an artist to do a portrait of their daughter. They felt that I was that artist and I was honored and humbled to draw the portrait for them.
In the clinic that we set up for the poor migrant workers from the villages, I met the most amazing people with kind, grateful and loving hearts. They certainly gave more to me than I was able to give to them.
I have posted the pictures of the students from the school where we set up the clinic. They are amazing young people from the home churches who are the future of China. They live there with no sanitary facilities, showers or even hot water but their attitudes are gracious and they are a joy to know. They all live at the school. Their parents are either imprisoned or harrassed because of their Christian activities. Please pray for them.
Life is more powerful than death.
I do not post very often. But I do read the messages posted here regularly. I appreciate those who share. Everyone has a valuable perspective on our very common experience.
In the last 2 1/2 years, I have went through the stages of grief, ( again). Sometimes so immersed in it that I could not define my life. The old life was gone and the life that was left to me was so vague and full of unknowns, it was like feeling my way through a dark room.
Last fall, I applied for acceptance on a medical mission's trip simply because my husband ,(Jerry), and I had always talked of doing this. I never believed that I would be accepted or that I would really do it, when I sent in my inquiry.
On April 12, I am leaving to go to a remote village in China to work in a clinic for two weeks. It won't be a reality to me untill I am there. I think that Jerry is cheering me on as I do this. It is like spitting in the eye of death and declaring it powerless over us...we will live on!!!
In the last 2 1/2 years, I have went through the stages of grief, ( again). Sometimes so immersed in it that I could not define my life. The old life was gone and the life that was left to me was so vague and full of unknowns, it was like feeling my way through a dark room.
Last fall, I applied for acceptance on a medical mission's trip simply because my husband ,(Jerry), and I had always talked of doing this. I never believed that I would be accepted or that I would really do it, when I sent in my inquiry.
On April 12, I am leaving to go to a remote village in China to work in a clinic for two weeks. It won't be a reality to me untill I am there. I think that Jerry is cheering me on as I do this. It is like spitting in the eye of death and declaring it powerless over us...we will live on!!!
wishing everyone peace...
That is the true blessing of the season and what all of our hearts crave.........peace. I apprecaite everyone in this group of caring people.
Hanging on to the ones still with us
It has been difficult for my daughter. She was a Daddy's girl and so very close to her little brother who passed away 4 yrs before her Dad..all this before she is 25. She just graduated college in Oregon, recieved 3 job interview appts. in Colorado..loaded up her car and hit the road on Saturday. Yesterday, she hit ice on the road in Wyoming, lost control and totalled her car. Thank God, she wasn't hurt. She was very shaken up, and I prayed, Oh, God, I am 2,000 miles away , Please send her Dad and little brother to comfort an strengthen her! The next call from her, she sounded better. I had not told her how I had prayed but she said that she felt her Dad and Sammy was with her. Does anyone out there live in the Colorado Springs area and know of a good (inexpensive) used car that she could find so she could get to her job interviews? Thanks, and God Bless!
Veteran's Day
I have posted a portrait of my husband today. It is Jerry's birthday and it is also Veteran's day. Jerry would have been 57 today, he died at age 54 from liver failure caused by a virus that he contracted in Vietnam. He was a medic who recieved the Bronze Star for dragging wounded comrades from the mine fields without any thought for himself.
The world has benefited greatly from this great man. We all owe our freedoms to our servicemen past and present. Let's honor them today by not feeling sorry for ourselves but having an attitude of gratitide as we think of their sacrifices.
The world has benefited greatly from this great man. We all owe our freedoms to our servicemen past and present. Let's honor them today by not feeling sorry for ourselves but having an attitude of gratitide as we think of their sacrifices.
The need to vent..........
has hit me...no replies are needed , Here goes!..........I wish that I had not gone to my high school reunion..I was such a pathetic loser in high school and that has only worsened with time. Most of them did not know that I had lost my husband or my son, and they asked about them...I blubbered and teared and acted like an idiot and they all moved away fron me. Except the poor drunken slob who, after finding out I was a widow, deceided I was good for something. Certainly there were those who sincerely expressed their concern, but it only
caused me to act like a bigger moron. Like I was the only one who had suffered losses...many of them had lost loved ones , went through divorces, etc., but I could not function, I missed Jerry so badly, and could not navigate this scene in any intelligent way . Anyway, I am sorry I am having this bitter pity party and that I feel the need to spill it out here. But, I have said it..no need to reply.... Thanks for letting me rant.
caused me to act like a bigger moron. Like I was the only one who had suffered losses...many of them had lost loved ones , went through divorces, etc., but I could not function, I missed Jerry so badly, and could not navigate this scene in any intelligent way . Anyway, I am sorry I am having this bitter pity party and that I feel the need to spill it out here. But, I have said it..no need to reply.... Thanks for letting me rant.
Our Anniversary....
..Is today. it would be 28 years. I am truly blessed for having 26 1/2 years with the sweetest, kindest and strongest man. We were both blessed to have a wonderful and talented son here with us for 18 years.
There have been some great responses to the subject of the afterlife. Let me just say, I believe that I will see my husband and son again, but they will be changed, as I will be. I cannot comprehend the spirit world, nor can anyone, because we have earthbound, finite minds. God is love, as others have said. That pure unconditional love is also beyound our comprehension.. It is said in the scriptures that "He is not willing that anyone should perish". Just as the thief on the cross turned his heart towards God in his dying moment, he was accepted in the kingdom, without going through any religious maneuvers. We are accepted in God's kingdom simply by turning our hearts toward Jesus. This can be done in half a second. I believe the Holy Spirit comes to everyone at their time of passing and , as He is not willing that they perish, so woos them to turn their hearts toward the savior. Thus we can have confidence that our loved ones truly did not perish, because , only the hardest most hateful heart can resist God's great love.
There have been some great responses to the subject of the afterlife. Let me just say, I believe that I will see my husband and son again, but they will be changed, as I will be. I cannot comprehend the spirit world, nor can anyone, because we have earthbound, finite minds. God is love, as others have said. That pure unconditional love is also beyound our comprehension.. It is said in the scriptures that "He is not willing that anyone should perish". Just as the thief on the cross turned his heart towards God in his dying moment, he was accepted in the kingdom, without going through any religious maneuvers. We are accepted in God's kingdom simply by turning our hearts toward Jesus. This can be done in half a second. I believe the Holy Spirit comes to everyone at their time of passing and , as He is not willing that they perish, so woos them to turn their hearts toward the savior. Thus we can have confidence that our loved ones truly did not perish, because , only the hardest most hateful heart can resist God's great love.
We did it again!
That's what I say at the end of the 16 hour day..dawn till dark....fixing up another old house. His job moved us so often and we never shrunk from the challenge of taking on that foreclosed on property that sat empty and was often used for a party house.
You were with me this time , too, although in spirit only. I asked you how I was doing with the painting and should we put up a new fence. ( I am sorry, I can never paint as good as you!!)
Almost a month of cold showers..I am glad you did not have to suffer that!....but we finally got the repairs done so they can turn on the gas. We are doing good...we are a great team ..nothing can break us up, not even death. Thank you for our lovely little cabin in this peaceful valley.
You were with me this time , too, although in spirit only. I asked you how I was doing with the painting and should we put up a new fence. ( I am sorry, I can never paint as good as you!!)
Almost a month of cold showers..I am glad you did not have to suffer that!....but we finally got the repairs done so they can turn on the gas. We are doing good...we are a great team ..nothing can break us up, not even death. Thank you for our lovely little cabin in this peaceful valley.
