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For some uplifting thoughts I was wondering if anyone wanted to share some stories of what made their spouse so special. Maybe something that they did all the time or one special occasion. If your friends and family have heard your stories but you want to tell them again, I am all ears and would love to hear more about your wonderful mates.

OK, I'll start. When Ken and I were just starting to date I was having a particularly bad evening and gave him a call. Of course, talking to him helped and we hung up. About 45 minutes later I had a knock at my door and he was there to provide a hug and then drove all the way back across town. The beauty of it was that as we got closer I found that he would do this for anyone who needed help. He was a truly wonderful, caring person.

OK, now how about you guys?

Deb

from "Living when a loved one has died" by Earl A. Grollman

How often in happy times did you ask, "Why?''

When blessings were yours and life was joyful, did you ask, "Why?"

Now death has shaken your faith,
"Why?"
"Why me?"
"Why didn't I die first?"
"Why must my life be one of sorrow?"
"Why?"

There are no pat answers,
No one completely understands
the mystery of death.

Even if the question were answered,
would your pain be eased,
your loneliness less terrible?

There is no answer that bridges
the chasm of irreparable separation

There is no satisfactory response
for an unresolvable dilemma

Not all questions have answers.

Unanswered why's are part of life.
==========================
the last sentence is the answer to our question 'why?'...and, while, it's not what we want to hear....when we think about it...it is accurate...

we always want a solution, someone to blame, take the responsibility....and sometimes there are no answers....tough for us to accept, tougher to move on, but move on we must...accept on 'faith' that which troubles us...the same way we accept other questions on faith

"unanswered why's are part of life...keep moving forward, remember grief is the healing path, not the destination"

Bill "Gratefulone" Nelson
Founder of Death Of A Spouse



William D. Nelson
Dec.31,1944 - July 3, 2009

This group has helped so many!
Let us never forget him.

I got this message on Our Back Porch about crashrescuewife.

Great News
crashrescuewife (Chris) had good news yesterday. Her daughter Lori had a successful kidney transplant and is doing well, she will remain in ICU for a few more days. Chris's sister Sue was the donor and Sue is also doing well. Chris thanks everyone for their prayers and hopes that you will continue to pray for a full recovery so that Lori can live a long, healthy life. Thanks to all, Mabel
posted by gramto3 8 hours ago

Two weeks ago sitting alone on a Saturday night (our date night for 20 years) I watched a stupid movie with Jim Carrey called yes, I can. I don't like Jim Carrey and I didn't like the movie but it started with a depressed person that said no to everything and then tried saying yes to life. I have been a recluse since Jim's death for 16 months. Dead woman walking - my niece that I had helped raise called me and told me she was pregnant after a miscarriage and I said I am so happy for you - I didn't care. I thought I don't care about anything.

Then I kept having this same dream over and over again. I saw Jim again and I was so happy (yes, I thought I died) and he stopped short of hugging me and a tear was coming out of his eye and he said you gave up on life the moment you found me dead and that is not OK.

I don't expect a response and I know how sad the holidays are for all of us but I want to say that I feel him near and for once since his death I am going to try to live again. I wish that for all of us. Joyce

We're glad you found us, and sad that you qualify for this group. (No one chooses to qualify.) You'll find a loving, caring, understanding bunch of folks here. We're in different stages of this journey, and there will always be someone who can relate to you.

I hope you will tell us about yourselves and your soulmates and that you will feel free to reply to what anyone posts.
We care.
hugs...marty

I hope all of you had a wonderful and Happy Thanksgiving. I had one of the best Thanksgivings I have had in awhile. I went to my daughter in law's parents home for Thanksgiving but what was the best part of the day for me was when I came home my Greg had left a wink for me. When we got home I went back outside to feed my 2 cats and let the dogs run for awhile as they had been cooped up all day. I looked over for some reason toward the small rose bush in the back yard and there were 2 small roses one and budded and one was almost open. It is way past rose blooming time here in Indiana so I know that the roses are from my Greg as he gave me a single rose right after he passed away on our rose bush in Ohio. He knows how much I love roses and flowers and so for this Thanksgiving he gave me roses to let me know that he is okay and is still with me. I think now I can face the rest of the Christmas season as Greg is okay and Happy on the other side. God Bless all of you

mooseie

Does anyone know the etiquette on sending cards if your husband has died recently? Do I get a pass this year? I can't imagine what I would note that would be cheerful. But, I don't want to stop getting cards and a lot of people stop sending if they don't get one...I like hearing from old friends.

I guess I am asking, what did you do? You can also advise on the holidays in general. I have been invited to dinner for Thanksiving at the home of the friend who came to be with me when Albie died. I have accepted providing I can leave shortly after the meal...I find I can "fake" being "fine" for a few hours and them it gets exhausting.

To be honest...I really find it hard to be around couples right now. If they are happily holding hands...I get sad because we used to hold hands. If they are fighting, I get sad because it is such a waste of time - love each other! for Pete's sake. Anyway...you know what I mean.

Whenever we get together as a family, there's an empty chair, whether it's at the dinner table or the family room, it's still there. When we go to restaurants, there's an empty chair. The empty chair becomes a sad reminder and often we tend to ignore it, pretend it's not there.

I was cleaning up the dining room the other day, and when I moved Ann's chair, I thought about how sad it is that she'll never sit there again, and then I thought, what do we do with the empty chair? Should someone sit there? Who? We don't even talk about it. The table gets set, the family takes their normal positions and the empty chair remains.

What do you do with the empty chair?


STAND UP AND SHOUT, WHAT DO WE DO WITH THE EMPTY CHAIR?
by OldMike

Thanksgiving's here, around the corner
Turkey sits in the 'fridge
Dinner tasks all doled out
Now I wonder and want to shout
WHAT DO WE DO WITH THE EMPTY CHAIR?

Table is set with all the trimmings
Food is cooked and served so nice
The family is here all sitting about
Makes me think and want to shout
WHAT DO WE DO WITH THE EMPTY CHAIR?

Food is gone, cleanup has begun
Left-overs to be bagged
Dishes rinsed, pans washed out
Now I will say, now I will shout
WHAT DO WE DO WITH THE EMPTY CHAIR?

Football is on, we're fat and happy
Nap time comes fast and sure
Our feet are up, the lights go out
I jump to my feet and want to shout
WHAT DO WE DO WITH THE EMPTY CHAIR?

The family leaves, I'm alone
The house is quiet, bedtime comes
I look around to see what's about
I scream at the mirror and I shout
WHY DON'T WE DO SOMETHING WITH THE EMPTY CHAIR?

I had a bit of a meltdown last night. It happens sometimes. I had spent the day shampooing the carpets. (I'll finish today). Keeping very busy around this season seems to work best for me. This morning, I lugged 80 lbs of birdseed up to Suzy's potting shed and filled all of the feeders. When I finished my chores, I signed onto the internet and immediately, an interview with Scott Hamilton, the figure skater, popped up. He is doing a come back skate today dedicated to cancer survivors and awareness on FOX at 4 pm EST. (Scott has had cancer twice). I'm sure it was Suzy's way of wishing me a happy Thanksgiving and letting me know she is near. We met Scott many years ago at a national competition and saw him perform many times in international competitions that we attended. Suzy was a wonderful figure skater also. She always identified with Dorothy Hamill and Peggy Fleming because they both had breast cancer, which is what killed Suzy. I hope the ice is good in Heaven!