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Daily Humor - Family Style Guidelines:
Here is place you can share your humor or just enjoy what your fellow members have posted. This is a family site, PG rated. Also, political humor that is nothing but a political agenda is not allowed. For an example, jokes about President Bush's problems with words is allowed, jokes about Hillary's troubles with Bill is allowed. Again, jokes that are strictly design to push a political agenda are not allowed. Let's make this a fun place and enjoy a laugh or two! For hints on how to post a long list or article, check out this page.
Camping Tips
When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.
When smoking a fish, never inhale.
A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.
When smoking a fish, never inhale.
A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.
The truth can hurt....
"The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age, are urinate and attend funerals ."
"The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket."
"To err is human; to forgive, highly unlikely."
"Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have millions of old ladies running around with tattoos and pierced navels? (Now that's scary!) "
"Money can't buy happiness--but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than a Kia."
"After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching somewhere...you may be dead."
"The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket."
"To err is human; to forgive, highly unlikely."
"Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have millions of old ladies running around with tattoos and pierced navels? (Now that's scary!) "
"Money can't buy happiness--but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than a Kia."
"After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching somewhere...you may be dead."
Puns
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.
There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.
Job History
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned...couldn't concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it...mainly because it was a so-so job.
posted by chattye
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it...mainly because it was a so-so job.
posted by chattye
Puns
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.Share your favorite pun inside.....
Dog Sled
Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
--Lewis Grizzard
To My Stable and Unstable Friends
To All My Stable, and Unstable, Friends, and Family:
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displayed sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph
hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displayed sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph
hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'
