groups

My good friend is more aggressive at work than she realizes. After she had her annual performance review, I asked, "How did it go?"

"They had written that I was overbearing," she replied with a shrug. "I made them take it off."

A wealthy man had a falling out with his two sons. It was serious enough that he decided to change his will.

At his lawyer's office, he threw his will on the table and said, "This needs an heircut."

The young redneck had just gotten married and, nervous about his wedding night, snuck out and paid his father a visit.

"Pop," he drawled, "Ah'm jest not sure Ah know what t'do."

"It's simple," said his father.

"Remember the stiff thing you used to play with when you were a boy? Just take it out and stick it where yer honey pisses."

Filled with confidence, the boy ran home and, grabbing his baseball bat, threw it in the outhouse.

This is too good not to read, especially if you thought ghosts didn't exist!
This happened about a month ago just outside of Birmingham, and while it
sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's real. This out of state traveler
was on the side of the road, hitchhiking on a real dark night in the middle
of a thunderstorm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so
hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his face. Suddenly he saw a
car moving slowly,
approaching and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly and silently
crept toward him and stopped. Wanting a ride real bad the guy jumped into
the car and closed the door; only then did he realize that there was nobody
behind the wheel, and no sound of an engine to be heard over the rain. Again
the car crept slowly forward and the guy was terrified, too scared to think
of jumping out
and running. The guy saw that the car was approaching a sharp curve and,
still too scared to jump out, he started to pray and began begging for his
life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and into a nearby lake
and he would surely drown! But just before the curve a shadowy figure
appeared at the driver's window and a hand reached in and turned the
steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Then, just as
silently, the hand disappeared through the window and the hitchhiker was alone again! Paralyzed with fear,
the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally
the guy, scared to near death, had all he could take and jumped out of the
car and ran and ran, into town, into Birmingham. Wet and in shock, he went
into a bar and voice quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey, then told
everybody about his supernatural experience. A silence enveloped and
everybody got goose bumps when they realized the guy was telling the truth
(and was not just some drunk).
About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar and one says to the
other, "Look Bubba, ders dat idiot dat rode in our car when we wuz pushin it
in da rain.

view link

Stanley R. Zegel was rear-ended while stopped for a red light. Police were told by the driver of the offending car that he had been distracted looking at a paper for the address of the nearby court-ordered driving-improvement course he was on his way to attend.

See First Reply for some HMO answers!

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans , please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up ... so she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:

1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think