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I've taken care of my Mother in my home for 7 yrs. and with little or no help. I've got a husband (a very tolerant one) a teenaged grandd. I raised from a tot who's 14 now. And Mar. 26, I finally listened to my husb. and all my children and placed her in a long-term facility. I had tried this last fall, but she was so unhappy, I brought her back home. She has progressive aphasia, Parkinsons and CHF. The aphasia's the worst, because she is unable to speak to let her needs be known or make friends, even though she is pretty well oriented mentally. I have been visiting daily and giving her lots of hugs, etc. She's in the same NH that my father lived 4 yrs. and died in. It's very close to my home, so I can visit frequently. I feel just awful about doing this to her....I have a basic value that says family should care for family. But I was getting so burned out, I was actually wishing she'd hurry up and pass on. She was calling me every 5 min. and didn't want me out of her sight, and I just plain wore out. My back and neck are a mess, and I had fibromyalgia to start with...So I feel for you all who either can't or feel you can't place your loved ones. I'm not really getting rested, because there are different types of inconvenience now. When she was home and fell asleep, I could go run a load of laundry or do some cleaning..now I'm running over there all the time. Glad to have found some people who will understand what I've been going thru.
I made my mother a set of flip cards. I got a set of filing cards with a spring coil on the top edge, and wrote out all the phrases I thought she might need. She really uses them. And the nurses and aids appreciate them too, since she is nearly impossible to understand.

Hi...so far there are two pictures posted here...my mom and her dog "where's Prince"...named that because that's what I hear about a hundred times a day... :)...but that's OK...I bought him for my mom and dad to give them something to love and concentrate on...he has been worth every penny...I was just wondering if anyone else had any pictures to post?...maybe of your loved one now or in better times...somehow posting my mom's picture made me feel better...like I was doing something with her when I was young...I guess that might sound silly... but sometimes I think we get caught up in the everyday stress and those times seem far away...anyway, that's my mom posted there...she can be a hard cookie...but I love her all the same...I'd like to see that you have to share...didi

Sorry to bring up such a sad subject first thing in the morning. My aunt passed away last night after having been in a nursing home for the past 3 years. Her funeral is paid for as my sister and I combined our resources and got that far. Now they are telling us there is a $2000.00 charge for opening and closing the grave. Does Social Security or any senior assistance program help pay for this cost? We don't HAVE $2000.00. There are NO other family members either. She and my uncle had no children. She is the widow of a WWII veteran. Does anyone know if the VA has any benefits for spouses of Vets?

Not to get on my soapbox here, but preplanned funeral services should be on the top list of priorities for everyone and be sure and get a list of all the "incidental" expenses that will be incurred. This has come as a total surprise.

I have several years of experience. Last was a 84 year old gentleman and his wife. He had a stroke,and the wife had Alshimers. My wife and I took care of them in their home until the man pasted,and his wife had to be in a nurseing home We are Richard & Loretta Delfs 408 829-1655.

If anyone is interested I have newspaper artical discribing the new the new technoogy available for caregivers. I would need your e-mail address.

My mother-in-law (80) lives with us and is driving me crazy. My husband is an only child so we are the only ones who can care for her. My husband tells me she has been difficult all his life.

She is mentally and physically ill and will NOT see a doctor. She has reumatoid arthritis as well as some kind of problem with her left leg. I think she had a stroke before she moved in with us, but since she won't seek medical care, I don't know for sure.

She is mentally delusional. She accuses me of pilfering through her personal papers and checkbooks. She accuses me of losing her credit cards. She has been so mean-spirited that she has driven off the rest of her family including her grandchildren and nephews. She cannot read simple words anymore and cannot say complete sentences without difficulty.

Can any of you give me any thoughts or advice on how to live with this difficult situation? I pray about it daily.

I don't know if I should cry or laugh? Tomorrow is my mother's birthday. She will be 94 years old. Oh my God to have lived that long?. She has spent 9 1/2 years in nursing home to boot.

I have been her main caregiver since Dec 1996 when she had her stroke. I never dreamed she would live this long or, I would ever be her caregiver. It's hard when your doing it alone and no one seems to care anymore. I am not sure if I do.

If your caregivers then you know how I feel and how it can effect you.

Thank you for reading this . I am just letting off steam.

Dennyboy

Today is my day off and my daughter and I are headed to the equine experience in Paso Robles. I'm up early to get moms breakfast and pills done so we can leave on time. My best friend is coming to check on her at noon and make sure she gets up to eat and take her noon pills.

As I was bringing in her breakfast, she asked me if "we" had to go to work today. Not wanting to worry her about where I was going I said yes, I had to go to work, but that she had not worked in years. She looked at me and said "I haven't?". I told her no mom, you haven't. She looked at me and said good! I can cry or laugh...I choose to laugh.

Hi all, I'm glad to find this group. It looks like a good one for me. My mom has been living with me for the last 10+ years. She had a stroke and was afraid to live alone anymore. She was pretty good for several years. She could take care of herself, drive herself and cook for herself if needed. Now, the last few years, she has had several health problems that have led to dementia, a colostomy, pneumonia, broke her hip last year and had to have it pinned, etc. The dementia has gotten to the point that she doesn't always know who I am or who other family members are. She sounds pretty good until she asks who that person was......and it was me, lol. I'm blessed that she doesn't walk the neighborhood and get lost, doesn't try to cook or do anything that could be dangerous for her. I have to work full time and she would need a ftc home, both of us would hate that.

The stress of all this can be pretty draining on me and her limitations can be pretty fustrating for her, but home is best for her until she just has to have the ftc. Hopefully the dementia will take over and she will never have to really know where she is. Or even better, I hope she passes away at home before this is necessary. Sorry if that offends anyone, but that is what I wish for myself as well.

I understand exactly how your feeling. My mom will be 88 in May and would not have made it this far without me watching her health care like a hawk. I'm not always sure that I did either of us a favor. The quality vs quanity question comes up in my mind. You would think with your mom in a nursing home it would be easy on you to take care of her....its not. I've had my mom in rehab 3 times with her problems and its just as hard to have them there as it is to have them at home. In some ways, its harder. I've decided that when/if she has to go back I'm not going on a daily basis, but to cut back to 2 or 3 times a week. I feel guilty about it, but it just wears me out to go daily. Hopefully it won't come to that, but probably will.