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Two Brooms, A Love Story (a joke)
Please see the first reply for this one. Be warned: it is a real GROANER! LOL
~KK
~KK
SIX stages of married life ~ A Joke
1: Tri-weekly
2: Try weekly
3: Try weakly
4. Try oysters
5: Try anything
6: Try to remember
2: Try weekly
3: Try weakly
4. Try oysters
5: Try anything
6: Try to remember
Hollywood Squares ~ Classic Answers
These great questions and answers are from the days when 'Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions.
Please check the First Reply.
America's Goofiest Patents
Click on the picture below to check out some of America's Totally Absurd Inventions!
In case the above clickable picture doesn't work for you, here is the link: view link
totallyabsurd.com/cowgas.htm
In case the above clickable picture doesn't work for you, here is the link: view link
totallyabsurd.com/cowgas.htm
Ode to Forgetfulness
For a little change of pace . . . and hopefully some outright laughs . . . please check out the song by comedian/speaker Mack Dryden in the First Reply. ~KK
The Bathtub Test
{an oldie but goodie}
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director, "How do
you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?"
"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.."
"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director, "How do
you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?"
"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.."
"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
You Caught My Eye {a joke}
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead
sitting at the next table.
He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man.
He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.
[Continued in First Reply]
sitting at the next table.
He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man.
He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.
[Continued in First Reply]
I'm Feeling a Bit Light-headed Today!
No, I'm not talking about fainting . . . although that could still happen. {grin} I had my hair cut today . . . for the first time in 2 years! The gal took a lot of time and did a great job. And why is this worthy of a post here in AES you may be wondering? Well, she cut off 11+ inches and it will be donated to the Locks of Love program.
Here is some background info about this program, taken directly from the Locks of Love website at view link
(www.charityguide.org/volunteer/fifteen/ locks-of-love.htm)
Hair donation is a simple way to provide a child with locks of love. If you have a ponytail that is 10 inches or longer, you can donate hair so a child who's lost theirs can look more like themselves.
Children undergoing chemotherapy, suffering from alopecia areata, or recuperating from scalp burns face multiple hurdles. In addition to the physical challenges of medical treatment, children also must combat low self-esteem and poor self-image from losing their hair. Oftentimes, bald children believe it necessary to hide their condition under hats and feel they stand out among other kids.
Your hair donations can be turned into natural-looking wigs for kids. On the other hand, synthetic wigs "look fake," like doll hair. Only donated human hair achieves a realistic, natural appearance.
When kids feel better about their appearance, they feel brighter about the outlook for their future. With renewed confidence, these children will go out in public again, without feeling self-conscious. They can look proudly in the mirror. They see themselves again.
A custom human-hair wig can cost more than a thousand dollars to make and is too expensive for many families. But, several non-profit groups are working with volunteers to make wigs for financially disadvantaged kids. To make this happen for a child, all you have to do is donate your ponytail, the next time you get a haircut.
Here is some background info about this program, taken directly from the Locks of Love website at view link(www.charityguide.org/volunteer/fifteen/ locks-of-love.htm)
Hair donation is a simple way to provide a child with locks of love. If you have a ponytail that is 10 inches or longer, you can donate hair so a child who's lost theirs can look more like themselves.
Children undergoing chemotherapy, suffering from alopecia areata, or recuperating from scalp burns face multiple hurdles. In addition to the physical challenges of medical treatment, children also must combat low self-esteem and poor self-image from losing their hair. Oftentimes, bald children believe it necessary to hide their condition under hats and feel they stand out among other kids.
Your hair donations can be turned into natural-looking wigs for kids. On the other hand, synthetic wigs "look fake," like doll hair. Only donated human hair achieves a realistic, natural appearance.
When kids feel better about their appearance, they feel brighter about the outlook for their future. With renewed confidence, these children will go out in public again, without feeling self-conscious. They can look proudly in the mirror. They see themselves again.
A custom human-hair wig can cost more than a thousand dollars to make and is too expensive for many families. But, several non-profit groups are working with volunteers to make wigs for financially disadvantaged kids. To make this happen for a child, all you have to do is donate your ponytail, the next time you get a haircut.
