I'm so sorry for your loss. I, too, lost my husband to leukemia back in October. I still have not found my place in life but feel I am starting to find my way with some backtracking now and then.
I'm so glad you have a great family willing to be with you when you need them. You have us here as well.
Dear Cathiebeth,
I am so sorry for your loss. It is never the right time for them to go. And I understand your feelings. After just a month, everything is still raw. The wound of the loss is so fresh it is hard to see and get beyond it.
Each of us goes through grief in our own unique way. What we do go through is similar to others but it is different, it is ours, it belongs to us. Just like the lover that we lost was special and unique to us. I can imagine your feelings but I don't know them, just as you can't inagine my feelings of losing my wife of 32 years.
Time will take some of the sting out. It sounds like you are working, be careful, some folks will say unthinking words to you. Find some one you can talk with, that person should be a good listener, cause you should do most of the talking.
Join a breavement support group. They are a big help. People in like situations, discussing what is going on in their lives, you see the similarities, differences and how they cope.
Don't be surprised if you make some progress and then find yourself back where you were. Whatever happens it is normal for you.
I'll say a prayer for you
Scrapit
The reason you feel like you have lost your place in life is that in many ways you have. When we lose a person who figured in every decision, every plan, every day in our lives it is a terrible unmooring from who and what we were. I went thru it seven years ago and it just takes time, I won't ever get over missing my husband of 44 years but I have a life, family and friends are a huge help for getting thru this time.
My heart goes out to you.
Donna
Until someone looses their partner they do not understand ..Loosing a Parent, sibling, etc. is entirely different than the person you are with everyday and depend on so much..Grieving has different layers.. Take each day at a time and be thankful for your family..
I've read your post several times, and everytime I read it somethings speaks to me, inside. But I don't know what to say to you ---- I went thru this as have so many before us. I'd cared for my husband thru 3 years of illness and had lost all of my self impage.Only time (and action) will partly heal the wound. There are a few things that may take some work on your part, but will help some: When you go into your empty house at nite, sit down and write a note to your husband about your day - in a journal - just a few lines. Then when that's done put it away --- for the whole nite.
The rest of the evening is for you.
I'd sugget that you do the things YOU like to do, eat what YOU like, and watch the movie and TV shows that YOU like to watch. The remote is now yours.
When you're invited somewhere (and you'd rather stay home alone) accept the invite.
Also, invite someome close to you and do a little shopping to spruce up your bedroom - new colors - maybe some pretty flowered sheets for summer - and some new pictures. It's OK.
On the one year anniversary of my husband's death I was alone at home. I thought to myself: "If he could talk to me what would he tell me" and the answer I thought he'd give came so clear to me:
"Why are you moping around, don't do that. I want you to be happy! Go and do the things you love to do!"
Our loved ones that we cared for in sickness and in health have gone on to be with Our Lord. We'll join them in due time. We are left here because God isn't finished with us yet. We have more to do. And to do it for the Glory of God and in remembrance of those who loved us and went before us.
I'm finally finding some peace in all of this. I loved my husband for more than 30 years. He died too young. He made his peace with Our Lord and now I must make mine.
hello Cathiebeth,
Always remember you are NOT alone. I can relate to all you feel and I am sure many of us had one or more of those same feelings.
Allow your family and friends to listen and be there for you. You will in time find , like me that as the days and months pass we are better able to "handle" the sudden dips and cries that we experience. At first I felt that I would die also and felt I wouldn't come out of this deep valley that I was in.
I felt so alone and lost also - I would see couples together and feel the pain again.
One day I saw a very old couple together walking hand in hand and I said to myself " I wish that could have been Tim and I" growing so old together.
My thoughts are with him daily, and I know I will see him again. We were together constantly and soulmates
I went to a grief counselor and it helped me so much, especially when she herself was a widow of 3 yrs. It helped me to know someone else went through it and survived.
To read the posts through the past 13 months has lifted me so much.
Please know that you are not alone !
May you have peace in your heart
Chris
Me too nothing is fun
Mysterydust
