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I believe you'll make it too rainbow. It is normal to have those feelings. I've read a lot of messages and there are many, including myself, that have and are going through it. You've had a slip but I'm glad you're back on the wagon! Temptation is my biggest problem. If I found a half a pack right now I'd probably slip too! Hang in there, keep doing your breathing and let your slip go. Time to let that go, it's already over. I'm not up to giving a whoopin' today:)

No whoopin's from us, Rainbow. You fell off the horse, so have many of us. The important thing now is to dust yourself off and jump right back up on the horse and let's try it again. It's not something we make our dear members feel bad about. You're beating yourself up quite enough so we don't have to. :-)
Let us know if we can help.

ok, still no smokes. I know if I can just make it through the first 3 days I'll be ok. But my mood swings are terrible. I'm not angry at all, I'm ready to cry. It's like going through a bad breakup LOL

Like knowing you have to end a relationship because it isn't good for you but it's got bittersweet memories

Thank you for being here....just being able to post instead of lighting up is a godsend

Here's what I wrote on my blog when I was going through the getting ready to quit feelings..I hope it helps you some......

Good-bye, My Constant Companion
posted 6 months ago

You have been the one constant in my life for many years.
You've seen me through my sorrows and my joys and my tears.
You were there since my teens, you were there when I was wed.
You left me for awhile so that I could give birth to a healthy son.
But you always came back, whether I wanted you to or not.
You were there when Mom was losing her valiant fight for life. I knew I couldn't go through that without you.
You were there when my marriage fell apart. I knew I couldn't go through that without you.
You always knew how much my son hated you and it made you stronger and stronger until I thought I could never leave you.
You were there when I lost my younger sister out of the blue. How could I have managed without you, while my heart was breaking into little pieces?
But as you continue to get stronger, I feel like you are trying to make me weaker.
My friend and companion, I say good-bye to you tonight. Don't call me, don't write me, don't tempt me. I'm through with you.
I am a strong woman. I've faced harder complications in my life than letting you go.
It will be hard to get along without you, but I have new companions now and they will see me through.
Good-bye Nic O. Tine.

Debbie

Nah, Rainbow, you've kicked yourself enough. I think if any of us, early on, found any cigarettes we'd have succumbed or been sorely tempted.
I had the same feelings of letting go of a long term relationship, so I understand that
feeling. It IS hard! Taking it one day at a time (not looking ahead past today) makes it more manageable. I read back through a lot of the group posts to get ideas to help, printed out stuff from the files and read that stuff each day for the first week, and I still go to Xcie's website (which I found in one of the older posts) to get emotional sustenance and ideas so as to keep my quit. I will be three weeks clean Friday and it's been hard fought. I still crave smoking; I just tell myself this WILL get better in time and I have to wait it out. I know I'm only one minute away from relapse, so I have to work on it.
Keep the faith that you can do this, because you CAN. One day at a time. Make a deal with yourself that if you're tempted to slip, post a 9-1-1 to the group here and do nothing until someone answers you. We're here to help and we care!

Don't kick yourself around, Rainbow... you slipped, sure, but you recognize that you did, and are eager to start over. Who hasn't smoked in a quit? I used to quit after each cigarette - until the next one.

I'm clean over 16 months - cold turkey - so it can be done. You'll get there, as long as you really, REALLY want to.

Believe in yourself, and lean on us.