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Well Being
Boomerang Love

John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Monday, July 7, 2008

My friend recently read something that gave her incredible insight into her past marriage. She is divorced from a man who abused her both verbally and emotionally. I will spare you the details, but let’s just say that she endured years of relentless personal attacks, degradation, and verbal terrorism that always left her feeling frightened, emotionally wounded and unloved.

The book she was reading, Summer of Roses by Luanne Rice, had the following passage regarding a similar relationship. It read as follows: “It wasn't real love. I didn't know that for a long time. Real love is a boomerang – it comes back to you. With Edward, love was a sinkhole. It nearly consumed me, taking every single thing I had, and then some – until I, and everything surrounding me, collapsed." After she read me that quote, she said “That was me.”

What a powerful description and a perfect way to look at love. Healthy love between two humans should be like a boomerang, always coming back to you. A loving relationship should not be and cannot be a one-way street! If you’re the one who’s always giving in the relationship, you will end up feeling lost, unloved and exhausted. So, with that as the background today, I ask you to think about your marriage or your love relationship in the context of the quote above. Do you typically seek a boomerang love relationship, or are you currently in one? Or, when it comes to relationships, do you find yourself constantly sacrificing while getting little or nothing in return?

Think about this.

Doesn't require much thought here, since I ended the last one a while back. Staying in counseling til i figure out why I pick the same guy (different shapes and faces but) every time. A loser

peace baby
Lily

Lily, I did that too after my first husband and before I met my second husband over eight years later.

I know for me it was that no. 1 had my self-esteem in the toilet and maybe I didn't think I was worthy of a better person.

Then one day I said, hell, I came thru a lot and was raising two good kids alone (no financial or emotional help)and I was still standing and the song "I am woman" was popular and so I thought Yeah, hear me roar you suckers.
I am good and I am going to make it and I did and when I stopped wanting to find a man I found him. Angel that he was.

So, Lily, lift up your head and shout,
I am WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR and I can do anything.

Sparkle on.

thank you for that thought...


Graphics for Angel Comments

rhonda

Girly Comments & Graphics

lol.... that's right up there with boys go to jupiter to get stupider
good one nyladyinga

No offense taken here. I think I have been very lucky and even when I married my husband at the young age of 18 I had a steady boyfriend of almost two years in high school that belittled me constantly. I felt worthy of no one. I was made to feel like crap and I just didn't take a stance. Now I know better. Hopefully I will be with the same man forever but if he pushes the wrong button at the wrong time I have the guts to take a stand and speak up for myself. I think the best we can do is use unfortunate circumstances as a learning experience.

Hey I have to give you ladies a round of applause...you all know my story...married at 20 three weeks til 21...had gone with this man since I was 15...red flags you bet but young and foolish...married for 13 years and found out about affairs..went for counseling and stuck with the being submissive from the bible...ended up with many health issues from the stress and cancer...said ok I am done out...went through the cancer surgery alone and moved on...as God would have it found him in the mist of it all...few years went by and lots of God time with raising my kids and I returned to college for more skills and better pay...then guess what...remarried my hubby..( i wanted the roots for my kids and grand kids..I wanted the commitment we had promised...I came from divorce and wanted to break that heart break for my kids...he met the Lord and what healing...we have been married 42 years come September...God has used us big time in the divorce care recovery program and we never fail to be ministered to by those God puts in our path...get healed guys before you settle for anything...if there is anything I know now...God never treated me any way that any other man has and he didn't expect me to have it any way but his...what a loving father he is and when single you look to God and he will provide the husband that he is at the single time to come into your life and be all he should be the action of Christ in skin...
Sparkle on guys...

I found boomerang love the 2nd time. First time I married my high school sweetheart. I was 20, he was 19. Thought we knew it all. Married 15 years to an alcoholic, abusive guy. Got worse, instead of better. Remained a boy in a man's body. Gave me 2 sons but otherwise took everything I had to give, emotionally, physically, spiritually & financially. I went back to school to become an LPN & divorced him. Dated another guy just like him for 4 years! Then I decided enough was enough---stopped looking for love in all the wrong places (bars) and meet my present husband about 3 weeks later. Got married after only 4 months and that was 19 year ago. He gives & takes, not just takes. Lately, he does even more of the giving than I do.

Married at 18, 2 months before my 19th birthday, to a man who became progressively abusive in all the above ways. Finally 5 yrs before his death he got help, and then he was gone. Married 27 1/2 yrs.
My second was the boomerang. Met him 4 yrs after the first died. Dated 6mo and married. Married 8 yrs. 4 years ago the Lord took him home. I am thankful the Lord brought him into my life.
I am now in the process of finding out who I am. No longer wife, Mother or nurse.
I guess I am still a mother, that job never stops. He is grown now with his own family and duties.
The Fibro has isolated me, but I am not without hope.