There's no point in staying together unless both of you want to. I've walked away too many times. Maybe that's why I'm alone now.
With me it was so hard, after all it was almost 33 years. I thought that I was important to him but when I realized he had moved on I stepped back and told him to go. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. I kept thinking he would know how much I loved him but when he wouldn't even let me near him as he thought it would be cheating on her. Can you believe he thought he would be cheating kissing his wife goodbye. Oh so many tears, so much sadness on my part, but it hard for me to believe I no longer care what he is doing. I hope all that have suffered this feel the same way, it is the past and you have let it go.
My relationship is a brand new one...I think it would hurt like hell to have him walk away. I would let him go, though, if that was what he wanted. You can't hang on to something you don't have. Having said that, #1 has finally told me, after over 25 years, that he regrets walking away from me. He is remarried and wouldn't end that marriage but, it was nice to know he had regrets. #2? He asked me to marry him again--less than a month ago. Um NO! Been there, done that!
Why would you want to hang on to someone who didn't want you?
I did try to let my ex-husband go when I thought it would be best for him. I offered him his freedom----he wouldn't take it......so several years later I gave it to him.....and more importantly to me.....
I am with Marti on this. Why would I want to person to stay, if he wants to go. Just go...........I can deal with the hurt and get over it. But If he is not happy in the relationship, then by all means go...........
Loving someone means wanting whats best for them...even that is not being with you. i'm not saying it's easy...but relationships by definition have to be mutual.
It is not good to stay anywhere you are not wanted. Hanging on is just hurtful to you. Because a caged bird, will find away to get out if it wants out! "Giving him his freedom". Is giving freedom to you, to find the real thing. It is putting you first!
Yes, if he walked into the door today and said, I don't think this is working, I would reply, let find something that will work, together or apart.
If I only THOUGHT he did, I'd ask him flat out. If he said Yes, I'd tell HIM to get walking'!!! There's no point in staying with someone who doesn't want to be with you. By the same token, if I'm the one who wanted freedom, I would (and have) told the guy and left the relationship. I suppose it's different if you're married. Which is one reason why I'm single. :-)
First of all, I don't think anyone can give someone their freedom. They always have it whether they are in a relationship or not. If you are in a relationship and you choose to cheat, you are exercising your freedom and the free will element is that you're cheating because it is not where you choose to be.
Doesn't matter whether you're married or not. To me commitment comes entirely from the soul. If someone is not happy they leave or go where they feel they will be happiest or their needs are being met. But no one has the right to make anyone stay or say they can't go.
With this understanding, I would know that they are leaving because their needs aren't being met.
posted by teira
2 months ago
