I think how you were raised, plays a big part in how comfortable a person is, with allowing someone to love them.
I know having grown up in a lot of dysfunction myself, that when I started having relationships, I tended to gravitate towards men who I could love, but gave me little attention or love in return, because that was what I was familiar with. I know how to give love, but receiving love is still something that is hard for me to accept, even when that is what I want most in this world.
When my Mother passed away I swore I would never knowingly get into or stay in another relationship with someone who did not want me and love me back, because I do truly belive that I am worthy to be loved.
I know that at my age I will probably lose anyone I love to death and I can deal with that, because they are not leaving of their own accord, but by age or illness.
Now I know why some women I met in life were Heaven Sent ......So they'd out last me .
Hey HB--
I think everyone is afraid of hurt--after all, hurt is never a good thing, is it?---but relationships, formed by people are sometimes flawed and breakable--some are built on very shakey foundations, that crumble at the slightest tremor---others are solid, built with indestructable materials (integrity, love, respect, trust, etc... )-- a lot has to do with your past relationships (family, peers, etc...)--and I know what you mean by having relationships that involved you doing most of the giving-- but none involved real love on your partners side--I think this happens too many times--we rush into a relationship before finding out what they/we want out of it---theres a lot to be said for the old fashioned, "lets get to know them really well first" --enjoy exporing their heart/soul before anything else or making any committments-
make sure you respect yourself enuff to demand the type of relationship you deserve/want, HB--one that you love him and he loves you back equally if not more--
Be well, Be safe, my friend
:)
So true.......thats why I want someone to be friends first......if someone likes me enough to wait and just be friends...just see where it goes from there....then you have time to build that foundation......being friends with the man or woman you fall in love with is so very important. At least it is to me..........I want to know I have someone that I can talk to about anything.....someone that cares for me.....other than just jumping into bed.
Our past hurts will sometimes get in the way......we all have them and we have to learn to deal with them.....
Bottom line.......you have to be willing to be hurt again.....and hope and pray you wont be.
Honeybee
This is a very interesting topic. I do have trouble allowing myself to be Loved. The conundrum comes into play when I read the Bible and it says to love your neighbor as you love yourself. I have just realized in the last 5 years that I did not like myself and I did not especially Love myself. I am having to see a theraphist for this. Stems back to childhood and mother and father issues... funny how the past catches up with you... until you resolve these issues.. I have always had trouble with Men because I was angry at my father - did I know that? Not until recently. I guess I'm revealing too much in this answer but you are right. People that have been hurt; are doubly shy of venturing out to risk another devastating hurt.
Eventually, I will get there now that I know why I was angry at men most of my life. Kinda late for my marriage though. We must risk vulnerability and hurt to find the most precious things we desire. God is Love and we must love ourselves in order to recognize his love for us.
It took me 20 years, a grandson and coming back to Christ to get over the hurt and bitterness of my divorce. My marriage broke up because I wasn't emotionally there for my ex-wife (she was right)
Now my ex and I actually have friendly conversations with each other. God is good.
Would anyone care for some cheese?
This really hits close to home for me. Tomorrow is the 6th anniversary of my husbands death. To put it simply, he was the most wonderful man who ever lived. Most women will never know the joy we had together. Was he perfect? No, but pretty damn close to it! Finding someone else like him will be very hard, but I am optomistic there is another one like him hanging around somewhere, I just have to find him!
Nicely put BEE....some deep thoughts here...I had these feelings ...
The quite after the storm, is a lonely period of seeking,
that leaves one searching for answers and self critiquing.
As children we hurried into the rain to play,
as adults confronting love, we seem to run the other way.
By
© Easy-LSM
Thanks, Easy. It's just been on my heart that we are created beings designed for love and by Love....to give it, receive it, and be filled with it. Too often it's treated as a commodity to be saved for a rainy day.
I think it's easier for people to claim they don't want to be hurt again, than to admit they have issues with giving and accepting love.
