No, I just externalize it.
To the point I believe, my body rebelled.
Too much stress over a long period of time,(my live).
Now I am having to deal with it physically. I try every day to de-stress my life as much as I can. The damage is already done.
So I guess I should have vented. Only problem with that I would have probably been picking myself off of the floor.
Am prone to actually doing it much more these days than in the past, when I'd never permit myself much expression, due to how I'd been treated from earliest childhood. Fear does prevent much 'venting' when honesty creates personal danger. It might feel kinda embarrassing, but isn't it better to blow off steam bit by bit rather than allow 'upset' to simmer, until you really do have a much bigger emotional blow-up? Even so--better to endure those 'big blow-ups' rather than to let all the turmoil inside just make you sick, like I always used to do.
I don't know exactly if I do the same thing as you but I think (although
we are sensitives) our personalities and how we were brought up does having a bearing on how we handle things. I used to take all the criticism my brother dished out on me(which was all the time) in my early years and even up until a few years ago(he still hasn't stopped) and I tell him now to look at himself before criticizing me. It helps me have a better attitude because I just laugh it off. But when I don't say anything I seem to seeth inside. It is a release in me and then I can laugh it off.
I have found that journaling helps. Also, finding a safe place to share, as you have here. I hope that just sharing it all has helped at least a little.
When you or any of us, Pops Their Cork, it is just our Shields collapsing. If you build them stronger you get more internal stress. No easy way on this but trying to recognize the clues that will tell you that the Danger Point is near. You might then be able to "Run" and save your comments for when you calm down. It may be tough to do, but, talking to people and making it clear that they are causing you problems is the only way to keep this from repeating itself. That means standing up for your self. I have grown so use to "Giving In" that I find it tough to stand my ground. I am learning. So can you. Art
