Mommy wommy. She likes her dog more than me, which IS NOT COOL, MOM. She is the best 1st grade (or any grade, really) teacher I have ever met. I constantly nominate her for that Disney Teacher Award thing and she constantly rips up the papers because she is VERY MODEST (not really). When we're in public, we're an amazing comedy team and the life of every party (even though she hates parties wtf mom). I'm the straight man and she's the crazy one. She is evil evil evil evil to telemarketers, and watching her talk to them was at one point the favorite passtime of my friends and myself. (She's upset because I put all our phone numbers on the national Do Not Call list, and now she has no one to harass.) One time, she actually told one to take out his "little wallet, and pay the $18 himself." That company never did call back..... She's extremely supportive of some of my dreams, but I wish she would be supportive of all of them. I mean, I'm supportive of her dumb dog so COME ON. She gets me out of trouble all the time. She thinks I'm not grateful, but I know for a fact that I would probably STILL be stuck in China right now if it wasn't for her staying up for 4 days in a row, fighting with embassies, government officials, administrators, and airlines, just to get me home safe. She also gets me into trouble sometimes, LIKE WHEN I LIE TO MY DAD AND SHE TELLS HIM THE TRUTH because she is a lot more honorable than I am. Psh. He doesn't need to know when I accidentally spend $488 on his American Express for tires for my car, ok? He just doesn't. My dad once called her resourceful, and that's the truth. She can stretch any dollar, and charm anyone to do her will. She could probably even squeeze some wine out of a bottle of Evian, if she tried. But she hasn't tried, because she's not really a drinker. Sometimes I make drinks for her, and she yells at me and says I'm trying to get her drunk so that I can beat her and steal her money. (She actually said that to one of my friends once. Right after exclaiming from her bedroom: "OH MY GOD. SEAN PAUL. IS SO HOT.!!!") But the best part about my Mom is that she is my Mom. I don't know what I would do without her, because she is my strength and every good thing about myself has come from her. But its still not cool that she likes her dog more than me.
this is about my own mommy wommy hehe
When we were little, my dad did a lot of traveling, I don't remember seeing him much as I grew up, so my mom had to play both parents. We moved to this huge old house with so many problems, and the money was tight, so mom did the best she could with what we had. There was a lot of mac and cheese in my house at that time, creamed corn was abundant and I remember my brother eating everyone's corn, cuz he was, and still is, a bully. I would have given it to him gladly, damn it was foul. He would wait till my mom got up to get something , and force us to change dishes.
This one afternoon, my mom watched from the corner of her eye, as my brother bullied us, and said nothing! She smiled and winked at me and my sister and went on with dinner. The next day, mom was running all over the house looking for change. She looked in her old purses , furniture, our piggy banks, ( much to our dismay), pockets, under beds , and even inside the vacum cleaner. I was dreaming about chicken for dinner and my sister wanted pork chops. That night , a huge turreen was on the table, hmmm that tureen was not a good omen at all! In the tureen, was TONS of ... you guessed it, creamed corn! Dayummmm! She serves everyone and sits down and tells my brother " hmmm you like this huh? Bet you could have this entire tureen if I let you" My brother, possibly the dimest bulb in the pack, is agreeing and licking his dumbass lips like a freaking chimp with a mess of bananas. Yup, you guessed it! She fed him the entire tureen of creamed corn. With my dad's leather strap in one hand and a laddle in the other, my mom force fed my brother as we watched him go red, then yellow , then green and finally white as a sheet. He never ever ate creamed corn again. Good ole mom ! Master of lessons well learned.
Anyway, that house was foul! but it was ours and mom was determined to fix it up herself, but she was so damned accident prone, she was always getting hurt! I swear, this one month, she was in the hospital a few times a week. But that was not all! Her accidents were so freakin odd! These are some of the unfortunate things that happened to her during a period of ten days:
1. The old house had a curio cabinet which was suspended from the ceiling and had sliding glass doors. She was standing right below the cabinet telling our neighbor some kind of gossip. We watched in horror as one of the glass doors fell off and landed on her head, it bounced off her head and stuck itself into my mom's leg , point first. 14 stitches.
2. This minor accident does not deter her though. A couple of days later, she wans to put up some curtains in the dining room, the fact she has no ladder is just a minor inconvenience. She is going to get up on one of the dining room chairs, pretty dumb idea but, hey not to her! As she is holding up the drapes, the seat pops off the chair, and down she comes. The two screws that were holding the seat in place, get embeded into her butt! I swear! no lie! paramedics had to come and un-impale her off the frame. 4 stitches
3.A few days after, she decides to fix a broken lamp cord, so she gets the part and one , two , three puts it together. She connects the lamp. Immediately, a flame shoots out of the socket, a horrifying sizzle, crackle, seared flesh smell burns into our nostrils, while a horrifying scream fills the room, and all the skin in her arm is burnt off!
So now she has a patched up leg and a gauzy arm and two screws up her butt. Awwww but that is not the whole thing!
4. We had a little porch and we had two old fashioned metal rockers in it. The rockers were getting old and not in the best of shape. It was raining and we were stuck in the house. My brother was being a pest, so mom takes off after him they run into the porch, mom slips, and somehow sticks a metal piece of the rocking chair into her bottom lip!!!! 8 stitches
Not only that ! She could not say her favorite phrase "STOP IT!" Instead it came out "STUFF IT!" so we laughed at her for two weeks.
Oh well , you have just spent 10 days in the life of my mom. Mama, I dedicate this blog to you, I love you so much, and I miss you always. BTW I loved that show ! hahaha I'm huming the Duke of Earl as I type.
When my son was a teenager, he was constantly asking me to go places and do things that I thought he shouldn't. I know he sneaked around and got into things he shouldn't have, but that is the way of teens, did a little of that myself...lol... but one day he really got ticked at me and said "Mom, you're too perfect" (of course he meant it as a slur and not a compliment). I looked him in the eyes and said "Oh thank you son, that was the best compliment you could ever give me"...LOL... he almost fell to the floor. His eyes got as big as saucers... anyway now he is raising two boys of his own, he and his dear,sweet wife. He told me a couple of years ago that he was so very grateful that I raised him as I did and 'made' him learn household chores and how to cook. His wife has had some problems with her back and also has migrain headaches so he picks up the slack when she is down and runs a smooth household and takes care of his boys. It was a hard road to get him raised but the Lord guided me and I am so thankful...
Shirley
ok I get it, my posts are too long : (
These are parts of a letter my son gave me for a Christmas Gift one year.
...So, the thought in your case its a token of the love that I have for you... I can't tell you how grateful I am in my life that the fates dealt me YOU as my mom...You have given me so much support and love throughout my life to be who - I - am - I am eternally grateful for that... Thank you for being you and know that I will always be here for you for the rest of our lives (and probably even beyond that!)
Love You
Your son
J
