Somos Latinos

The discipline of children should have never changed. All our parents had to do was look at us and we knew the outcome. It has gotten to the point that children are abusing parents. There is a nephew in my family that threatens his parents if they tell him he has to move out or get a job. What has this world and this generation come to. We would have never even talked back to our parents. In my home we were not even allowed to smoke or drink in front of our parents much less talk back or raise our hands to them.

As latinos and from our generation we probably all were raised with the same firm hand tanning our bottom when we needed it. As I always say, I learned patience from my Mother and respect from my Dad. Here is a little story I'd like to share. Today I spent the day with my Dad helping him do some repairs around his house. We had occasion to go to the local Home Depot to get some things. As I was backing out the person next to me started to back out without looking, apparently, because she came real close to hitting my truck. In exasperation and a little anger, I blurted out a rather vulgar expletive and immediately my thought was "Oh, man, I said that in front of my Daddy." Now, I'm 62 years old and he is 87 but I still show him the same respect I always have and always will.

My youngest was a teenager from hell. She never personally disrespected me but she used to sneak out of windows and run around in the middle of the night. I didn't sleep for years!

Just this week I was visiting her and her baby and someone asked about teenagers misbehaving. It was so sweet. She smiled and said " You just have to stick with them." Which is what I did. Once when she was really mad she asked me why I didn't just leave her alone. I told her she was stuck with me because I was not going to watch her kill herself. So that worked. She is a fine woman and a good mother herself now.

Once a teenager is being violent toward a parent it is a different thing. I really don't know what I would do. But I can tell you that when my daughter was acting out I got help. I put her in a hospital for psyciatric care, twice. I took her on a Mom's outward bound program where I took her backbacking into the wilderness. I paid for Dr's for years and years. I came to believe that it is not the specific thing that is right or wrong but just sending a message to a child that you will not give up on them that finally pulls them through.

P.S I never really spanked my kids much. But I can say that I would never be afraid if they threatened to call social services. I would probably pick up the phone and tell them to call away. Parents shouldn't give up their own power to threats of any kind.

Mom and Dad were a jewel. They didn't hurt me at all. Dad never raised a finger and Mom was tough but never hurt me.

HOWEVER, I was the 12th of 12 kids and several of my older siblings were bullies. Two in particular thought they had the same "rights" as parents to inflict corporal punishment. When I got older it all changed, but the growing up was a pain....literally.

OK, what would I do. I don't know. My three kids were and still are really good kids. My son once stole a dollar from his grandmother and there was the usual bickering between them. But let see if I have a good answer

First of all I would go to the police department and ask them what constitutes parental abuse. If my child were a punk and threatened me I am sure I would have certain rights as a parent. It's probably also a fact that these kids threaten because it's the information that kids pass along as teenage trash and they really have no leg to stand on. I think I would even go to child services and get more inofrmation with the kid in tow and find out how seriously he takes his own threats. Last but not least I would probably file charges against the kid if he were really bad and send him to juvenile hall.

Nip it in the bud...TAKE 'EM TO JUVINILE HALL !! :-)

Unfortunately the courts, juvenile halls, group homes and prisons are so overpopulated that to get a teen taken out of the home for a first offense is very difficult. I don't know if I'd be able to allow it. They will be known as "My daughter or my son the amputee!!!"

It is a very difficult situation for most parents when they have to deal with this issue.

Thank you all for your comments

Chuleta

This hit a nerve. We have four boys and they are at an age where they see other kids relationships with their parents and they can't help but make comparisons. From the time they could understand we have been talking to them about respect for each other and for their parents and elders.

As a person who has worked several years in psych emergency I have seen it time and again. Parents have felt powerless because there have been social workers down their throats about what they can or can't do. The interesting thing I have noticed that the truly abused kids never tell on their parents because they don't want to get them in trouble. The kids who tell are just kids who are out of control and who want to get their parents in trouble.

I believe that parents should be allowed to parent. Abuse has nothing to do with parenting and if I have learned anything it is that abuse reveals itself eventually so leave everything else alone. I don't believe we have a right to tell people who are raisning children in the best way they can, what to do. Common sense is a big part of this.

Several years ago two of my boys started to climb on furniture in an office supply store. I asked who wanted a spanking first. A woman who was there shopping reprimanded me strongly and told me that wasn't the way to talk to children. In my opinion I was teaching them to respect others property. I answered by saying "mind your business."

Serously what is next if you hit your parents. Who do you respect and what is your relationship going to be with the world if there is no respect? I think a lot of the problems with the world today has to do with the falta de respeto that exists.

One morning, my youngest son, Sam, aged 14 said he wanted to move out. His pants hanging halfway down his butt, underwear showing, skateboard under arm I said fine. I looked up in the phone book the Dept. of Community Services (DOCS) and told him to call them. Tell them the problem and they'll find you a half-way house to live in. Oh yeah, yeah - they'll feed you. You'll even be given a stipend of about $60 a week. No worries. Uh. There might be a problem when you're asleep. You see you'll be rubbing shoulders with a lot of homeless kids. Not to worry though. Here's the phone number. Call 'em. Oh yeah. Don't leave anything of value lying around unattended as it will not be there upon your return. You've got to really nail stuff to the floor if you want to keep it for the longer term. Are you ready? OK. Here's the phone number....................

He never made that phone call. I was relieved. He has turned into one my best mates today.

I still believe the Bible principle that says "Spare the rod, spoil the child". I have on ocassion wacked my kids and grandkids on the behind if I felt they needed it. and as far as children threatening parents, there is no way I would allow a child in my home who threatens me, If they don't feel comfortable in my home, they can just leave. I would put them in some kind of juvenile program that would help them realize how good they had it at home. and I would not make it easy for them to return to my home, unless they change their attitude. Experience is the best teacher.