Grief

Message 1408 of 1426

Hello,
My 16 yr old daughter was killed after school by 2 16 year old boys that were drag racing in front of her school. She made it across two lanes and was waiting in the median. They went around the traffic and ran her down where she stood. I expected that this devistating loss would be a tradgedy not only for my family but for this boy and his family too. Later I found out that he got a speeding ticket 2 weeks after killing Michelle for doing 75 mph in a 30 mph limit. They never even took away his driving privilages. He was awarded for overcoming obsticales when he graduated from the school where he killed her. We never did overcome these obsticles. My other children, both with so much promise when they were kids, have not had the parents or the life they should have had and it shows. Parents are the foundation of a child's life. It is only lately that I realize that my children have grown up in a home of grief, saddness and depression for it's foundation pretending to be normal and happy. It has not been successful. Michelle's birthday is coming up. It is the worst part of the year for me, still. Sorry to be so down. Spring is here! New growth. Sunshine! God please help me feel it. I am so very tired.

posted by Irishrose1

Irishrose1,
I am so sorry for your loss of your precious daughter, my son was 15 when he was killed by another boy in an auto accident speeding.

I have not kept up with the boy but I do know he lost his license for 1 year because of killing Dak. He was 22 at the time and was giving my son a ride home from Church.

Shame on the school for not remembering the your daughter memorializing her in her school annual. Shame on the school for awarding that awful boy for anything. Shame on the parents who did not make that boy feel ashamed for killing your daughter.

I did know the boy's family who killed Dak and they totally went out of their way to console us and shamed their son into silence for what he did. It was just devastating.

I was so afraid of neglecting my other two sons then age 17 and 13 especially when the marriage of their Dad and I broke apart after Dak's death. I have tried my best to hold my boys close, and now 6 years later they are gradually healing, but it has been a long 6 years.

Don't give up, if you feel you have let your living children down them try to repair the relationship admit you let them down and ask them to forgive you. I did with my sons and though it took time we are doing ok now.

Warm hugs to you,

Ruth

posted by Passionforlife
over 4 years ago

I am SO sorry this happened to your beautiful daughter and family! There is something very wrong with the way the "authorities" handled this. How could the boys not have been held accountable for breaking the law and ending a life? And how in the world could the school give him a special award?

My husband was very pro-active with the school in setting up a memorial for both girls as a reminder to the other students of what can happen when poor judgment is used. Our counselor even went to a meeting of the administration with my husband when I could not get off work, to explain to them how important such things are in the healing process.

I must say, our school went the extra mile. They brought in counselors from the area for the girls' band mates and friends and even provided three art therapy sessions through the local hospital grief counseling.

I had to work hard not to resent the boy who took Krista's seat, and that was totally innocent! I can't imagine how much anger you are trying to deal with regarding these boys!! Are you in counseling? If so, ask your counselor what you can do to bring this to the attention of people. This story needs to be told so that hopefully it won't happen again.

People need to understand how devestating it has been for your family that no one was held accountable for their actions and that your loss was not acknowledged by the place so much of your daughter's life was spent. How are you supposed to gain any closure if the people "in charge" of such things pretend nothing important happened??

Please talk to someone about this and try to find some options for action so that you do not keep feeling re-victimized again and again.

I understand completely about your concerns for your other children as well. Our other daughter definitely was shortchanged. Not only did she lose her best friend, but we were not able to be there for her emotionally as we would have wanted to be.

When she did all the things that high school girls do, like go to proms, it was bittersweet. While we tried to be happy for her and celebrate those moments with her, there was always an overlay of sadness there as we mourned for all the happy events Krista never got to experience.

And spring by its very beauty and explosion of new life can also be a sad time because it reminds us of the winter in our hearts.

We are only human. And we have received the worst wound a parent can receive. I think we need to be kind to ourselves and realize we are doing our best. Sometimes we will feel that isn't good enough for the situation at hand. And it may not be. But who can do better than their best? Continue to talk to your kids about your concerns and allow them to express their feeling about it so that they know you value and honor those.

They have the most important tool in the world for building a good life, which is to know that they are loved. And I have no doubt they know that!