Hello

Message 2041 of 2044

Well, this sounds like a very interesting place to be. Trippin I checked out your profile, and I have to say I love your style with your son. Too few parents know how to teach and punish at the same time. Most just grab a stick. I have a grandson that is ADD/ADHD from a disease he has called Cyliacs. He has to have punishments that last a long time and that require him to stop and think. His father had to punish him for getting into the tool box when he was told not to, so he made him carry the box everywhere he went for the whole day. It was one of those small ones, so not too heavy, but very uncomfortable when he wanted to go up stairs to his room and then back down and out in the yard and back to the kitchen...etc... He really learned a lesson and it gave the rest of the family a smile.
I enjoy gardens and the out of doors. I have camped for most of my life with my parents and then with my husbands over the years. Too old now to get up and down from the tent floor, so I tend to get out in nature and then into a hotel.
I thank you for inviting me to this group and I look forward to some spiritual debate. I DO watch TV...fox news, but then you knew that didn't you? LOL I do watch other news shows just to be up on what is being said and to be sure I have some extra views of the big issues. I make up my own mind and I am very set in many views. I beleive strongly that when people say they are for peace, they need to really know what is involved in that statement. Are you for peace when it suits you? Are you for peace so you don't have to get into battle for someone else, but will knock someone's block off if they try to rape you wife? It is not so simple when we are speaking of criminals who run and control whole countries. It's hard enough when we have to catch and render judgment on a mass murderer, but even harder when we are talking about a leader of a country. Just how far does this country go to protect others, innocent people? Why can't we protect innocent people in other countries, rather than just fighting when we have a vested interest? We are a super power, doesn't that come with responsiblity to be peace keepers of the world? If we hide from the big issues does that mean no one will help us if we need it? Issues! My grandson says he has 'issues' and he keeps them in his nose! (I think he heard tissues, but then....) Bright blessings to all, Astrid

posted by astridove

Hi and I Thank You,

I love being a parent. Raising a child, for me, seems like raising a wild animal without breaking that animal’s spirit. We are responsible for the way they react to the feelings they have and to the feelings of others. When they are babies it is tiring but nice. A baby is tired, hungry or constipated. We get to hold them, rock them and keep them safe. They start to bond because they are dependent and trust is something I place a high value on. We are responsible for how they treat themselves and others. It is a challenge. As they grow up they grow away at the same time. I had to start teaching my son to protect and try to understand his feelings while all the while controlling them because their coming is unavoidable. I have had to make many sacrifices for my younger son that I never made for my older kids. It is my guess that the sacrifices made for them were made by the woman who raised them. I wish I would have understood what she meant…I wish I would have listened.
I like where your grandson keeps his issues. They are so easy to deal with there! There are no easy answers to everything. I think that talking is better than hitting most times but won’t take sass from a child in my house. At the same time I would never go to someone’s home and dictate how they run it. We have good ideas about things. Some of those ideas can be readily accepted in a peaceful setting. Other times we must let trust form in order to make the exchange of ideas peacefully. It takes time to earn trust. I like that old saying “Nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so”. I think it is better to change thinking than action. If I just change action then that will happen again somewhere else. If I change thinking the action will never occur again.

posted by trippin
over 3 years ago

You know, Trippin, I was very young when I had my first daughter. I thought to raise her as I was raised, with spankings and a lot of yelling. Then my second came along, a son, and he was so mellow and easy that I never had to yell or spank. My last daughter was more raised by her father because he was less able to work than i was and I became the breadwinner instead of the mom. She also had no spankings but learned respect and rules. In my later years I worked at a girls group home with girls who had trouble with athority and who had run ins with the law. We were not allowed to touch them in punishment and I thought when I first hired on, that it would be horribly difficult. But even with teen girls there are wonderful ways to get them to learn rules. The major way we did it was to offer choices. When we took ourselves out of the mix and out of the battle over winning, and simply told them "you can do this and stay home (or what ever) or you can do this and come with with us on an outing. Your choice and I really don't care which one you want but I would love to have you with us." Generally it was impowering for them and they picked the right options. Sometimes they didn't and they saw that the result was always the same and always there. No hit and miss punishment and reward. Just a cause and effect for their behavior. I was amazed at how they began to relate to this, and to the people who worked with them, so long as you started each day with a clean slate. I so loved working with them. I cried with them, I laughed with them and I saw my own children through them.
My oldest daughter is a doctor now, with three boys and a step daughter of her own. I have the greatest honor when I see her overcoming and becoming a better mom than I was. Each generation better than the one before. It's the best we can hope for. lolol
You are a great dad! You care and you think up ways to be there for them.
Astrid

posted by astridove
over 3 years ago