Interesting post Celmira! I am currently not married and do not consider myself a marriage expert but I do know one thing. In order to maintain a marriage there must be love, honesty, trust, loyalty, communication and most importantly respect for each other. It takes a lot of work to keep a relationship going and keeping it vibrant. Unfortunately many couples are not willing to work hard to keep that level of excitement. I'm not saying that every day should be the 4th of July but certainly it should be frequent. If you both genuinely love each other and trust and respect each other, then the communication and loyalty should fall in place.
Running into the arms of another when the relationship gets stale means that you never really loved each other to begin with and certainly have no respect for that partner. I believe that if you get to a point where you are no longer interested in continuing the relationship or trying to fix it, then you should be honest enough to step up and communicate that to your partner. You should be honest enough to say that you want out so that you can pursue your happiness elsewhere. Bringing another person into the relationship at that point is not fair to you to your partner and especially that other person if he or she gets emotionally involved with you.
My final thought to this question is that while there are some marriages that survive sexcapades and others that thrive on these sexcapades and that's OK with me, it certainly is not made for me. To allow and accept sexcapades where sex in a relationship is going downhill is to make a mockery out of the sanctitude of marriage. In that case, you should remain single and you can have all the sexcapades you want without hurting anyone in the process (well I guess you'll only end up hurting yourself).
Thank you Celmira for putting this on the floor!
Muah,
Chuleta
posted by Chuleta
about 1 month ago
Call me old fashion but infidelity call by what ever name is still infidelity. Personally not my cup of tea; I ended one marriage and don't regret it. In order to be in a realationship with someone I have to be able to trust that persone and trust lost is very difficult to regain.
if a marriage needs spice the couple should work on it together not introduce other players.
My two cent.
posted by maerin
about 1 month ago
I agree with Chuleta, if you really love your spouse or partner, there is no room for sexscapade, because you really don't want to hurt your partner. If a relationship is to last, there has to be mutual respect and trust, if there is no respect and trust,then the relatioship is over. You may be able to forgive infidelity, but you will never be able to forget and trust again.
posted by juberma
about 1 month ago
My belief is that allowing sexcapades will only bring on more problems than what some may anticipate... i.e. sexual transmitted diseases, feelings for that other person, $80,000 spent, losing more interest at home and seeking others more.
I believe that there are other ways of spicing up a relationship without going outside of it. Chuleta had a post once not too long ago titled, "How Do You Keep The Music Playing?" There were a lot of interesting comments made in that post. So some of you may want to re-visit Chuleta's post on that.
