My friend's husband is a 'house husband' but really doesn't do all that much around the house. He wants to be a wealthy real estate magnate, flipping houses for a living. The first one costs way more than he thought to fix up, took four times longer than he estimated, and didn't sell; it's a rental now.
He makes all the financial decisions and, for the most part, controls her every move. When she wants to go out with friends for lunch or some other daytime activity, he always finds a reason why he can't watch their kid so she can't go, or tells her that there is no money for her to go, then goes out and buys himself an expensive toy. She couldn't go to a $20 event with us girls, but within a week he bought himself a $1,000 guitar without even consulting her. He doesn't play guitar, but has always wanted to. HUH?
Anyway, they have a house that is basically a trailer with an addition to the trailer, and the trailer part has been sided so that you don't notice that it's a trailer until you are inside. The kitchen is the size of a 1/2 bath. One of the bathrooms is in the trailer part and you can't use the bathtub for some reason; the other bathroom has no bathtub. He told her that they would look for another house and rent that one out. Then he said that they should stay there and build another house and look for land. Finally, he decided that they would remodel the existing house and stay. In the remodel, they are adding on and NOT taking the trailer out. One of my other friends who's a realtor said that as long as the trailer is in there, the whole house is considered an enclosed trailer and carries a much, much, smaller value, and is financed as a trailer!
He's a controlling jerk and all of us girls detest him. If you call and he answers the phone you can forget talking to her. He always says she's busy and there is no point in leaving a message because he won't give it to her. She almost left him last summer, and now today she said they are trying to have another baby! I almost had coffee coming out of my nose and another gal at the table choked on hers.
Grrrrrrr. I'm exhausted. It took every ounce of strength I had not so say, "Are you freakin' crazy?????" Ah,,,,,, I feel better now.
Your first friend asked your opinion.. My motto is if you don't want to hear my opinion, don't ask.
Your second friend sounds like she really wants some security, home, love etc. I guess it depends on your relationship. If it is close and a good one, I'd remind her that so far doesn't seem like much room for a new baby - let her make the decision. If it's not so close, guess I'd be praying it was closer. Sounds like a disaster as you said. She doesn't seem to have his full attention on her needs. But this is my opinion.
Michi, Your first friend needs to understand that YOU DID THE RIGHT THING! You gotta do what helps you sleep at night.
Friend #2 is pretty much a gonner. Why does she want a baby? Sounds like she already has a brat!
Many years back my brothers ex-wife was cheating on him and I found out about it . But I didn't know how to bring it to his attention . So I asked him a hypathetical situation . I said one of my friends old lady is cheating on him and what would be the best way to handle it . I said but I think it would be good to give him a heads up . He told me mind my own bussiness I would only loose a friend . Then I pointed out ; what if the guy don't see it goin on . His answere was if he is that stupid not to see it ; he deserves it . Later down the line he did catch her and he told me . I said I knew that for sometime . He got a bit pissy and wanted to know why I didnt tell him . I brought up the conversation we had to him . I told him you were the best friend I was talking about . But her mother didn't know all the stuff he little angel was up to . So I black mailed her and told her if she tried to take my Niece from my brother not only would I tell her mother what went on ; but I would give her the name of every guy she was cheation on my brother with and they would all show up at the divorce hearing . Needless to say she left my niece and moved her scanky ass down the road and wound up leaving that guy too . But now my brother is happily married .
it seems funny that in alot of relationships I know one always ride boss over the other . But from my experiance the woman usually wears the pants . I never seen it as either should be top dog . It should be equal . if you cant trust him or her to be out of your sight for a few hours ; then its best to send them packing . My thing is your an adult do what is right . If you want to be a child go get a boy to hang with . And never under any circumstances talk to me like your my master . That will get you a new set of luggage . hehehe
My second friend is a lot younger, hence the new baby plan. She has a mother but I don't know if they talk about her marriage. Anyway, since she has a mother, and it isn't me, I'm trying to just be her friend and be there if she needs me, but keeping my concerns to myself.
Mich, you know that no good deed ever goes unpunished...
Can I call you when I need advice?
Mich, sometimes it's best not to involved,
not in issues of Marriage. Too many times
it comes back to bite one on the butt.
You're damned if you ^ do and damned if you dont !
Mich, you do have a dilemna with your friend. Why do so many women think a baby will"fix" a relationship? If he is a controlling freak, he will remain a controling freak. He probably has some funds stashed away somewhere. The relationship will end, she has babies and no money, living in an added onto trailer, he gets away scot free! Not funny. I'll just bet the land and "home" is in his name only. There is little you can say to her that will get through to her. All you can do is be there for her when everything comes crashing down. And it will.
As for the other friend, she was wrong. A true friend may be embarrassed by the knowledge a SO is cheating and her friends know, but would appreciate the information, including the fact that the advice you gave her SO was spot on. I would want my friends to tell me. I may be hurting and it would be difficult but I would rather they be a true friend and let me know things as opposed to me realizing they knew and didn't tell me after I had found out. I would think I would then wonder how true a friend they were.
Boy could I tell a few stories about my life.....LOL
Not sure what all states you folks live in, but MN is a no fault divorce state and irreconsilable differences are the only reason for divorce. Cheating doesn't matter, who's name the house is in doesn't matter, nothing like that matters. The judge doesn't care who did what to whom. It's a 50/50 settelement, bottom line, case closed. It is hard on some, but life goes on.
