My ex

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Message 3 of 18

I am in communication with my ex-husband, but I try to limit it to when I am strong enough to hear what he has to say.
By that I mean that he is mentally ill and often delusional. The challenge is that since he is so intelligent and informed that the lines become blurred between what is factual and what is his delusion.
Having suffered from depression all my life, I am easily caught up in the emotional turmoil (sp?) of sorting it all out which leaves me drained.
So why do I bother?
I still care about him, he is the father of my two children and I spent my youth with him. He is often very humorous and insightful. But the next minute he is off on some conspiracy theory involving one of three things, God, politics, and ufo's.
Sometimes I laugh so hard at the things he says(privately) or sometimes I cry.
I suppose that I shall always be tied to him somehow, no matter how far away he is or how sick he is, I just must learn to not internalize what his words trigger inside of me.
We have been divorced for 26 years, does that tell you something about my inability to move on?
I have a wonderful husband now and should be over all this.
Shouldn't I?

Rebecca

posted by eniva

Should you be over all this, you ask? I think not. I understand your conflicted emotions about this relationship. Mine was with a long term lover. The portion of your story regarding sharing youth and children was his story of a dissolved marriage; because of the intimacy we shared, I understand that side, too. That relationship brought me the greatest joy I have ever experienced, and the greatest pain. We endured until neither of us had the strength left to struggle with the ups and downs. Because of love of each other, we struggled the last years to let go, each for the sake of the other. It will always be a part of me. Through that relationship, I grew and learned, and am today very tolerant of others because of what I know can be wrong beneath the surface. We will always be connected intimately, but hopefully will never see each other again. There's no way to tell if that's the way it is until death do us part. I've let go, I try never to think of it, but I don't try to throw it away; it's just as much a part of me as the color of my eyes and my habits. If the memories come unbidden, I glance their way, then get busy with today and forget about it. It's just part of my life. Hugs.

posted by windnsea
over 4 years ago

People cannot understand how I can even be friends with my ex husband after what he did to me. He left me for my girlfriend but it was short term. He regrets it all and since that time, three whole years ago, he has done everything he can to make up for it. The family has forgiven him and I have too but I can't forget. Yes I still love him. We have three children together. I have great memories of us during those 34 yrs of marriage.

Where do I go from here? I wish I knew. I have no idea.

Tena