Hi, sorry you're going thru a tough time, please give some examples of what it is that she is doing? how old is she? does she have a job? job skills? It is very hard for two adult females related or not to live under the same roof both want to be queen of the castle so to speak but since she is the temporary guest it is she who should work the hardest to get along and get out.
My son when he was about 19 or 20 moved back home, didn't work, didn't look for a job, slept all day and partied all night, we progessively made it more and more difficult for him to be "comfortable" here. First after problems we made rule . . . no sleeping on couch, then still problems . . . no sleeping on floor, cot in garage didn't motivate him so one day after many months and talking, reasoning, etc etc, I told him (at noon) get up and go look for work or I am going to turn the water hose on you, he smarted off, pulled the covers over his head and proceeded to go back to sleep, I got the garden hose, turned it on, gave him one more chance, then turned the hose on him, it took about one minute for the water to be enough for him to get up and get out . . . I am sure he did not go job hunting that day but the next time we spoke about what to do about getting a job he listened, he went with me to the employment agency, he filled out applications, he actually ended up going to the Community Action Program they helped him finish his GED, enrolled him in Truck Driving School, and helped him get his first job, that was almost 6 years ago, he has worked ever since (makes more money than his dad) and he doesn't live at home. I love my kids (3); my grandkids (3) would do and have done anything I could for them but I don't want to live with any of them. Deb
Donnah, Deb, OH HOW I can relate!!!
Just about a year ago my step-daughter (my DP's daughter) moved in with us "for just 30 days Mom, no more! I PROMISE!!!" because she just couldn't STAND staying with her now ex-hubby one more day and couldn't STAND to stay there until her new situation to come together (hence the 30 days).
While I felt VERY uncomfortable about her coming to stay with us (we no longer had the larger 2 bedroom apartment we had when she lived with us. We NOW have a TINY one bedroom!) by the same token I really didn't feel that I was in a position to say NO either... ESPECIALLY since I had been 4 square against this (then) 24 year old unemployed druggie who was courting a (then) just barely 17 year old who was looking forward to receiving to getting a large inheritance at 18. Gee, I wonder what HIS primary interest in her was? I sure wasn't love, because as soon as the money ran out his interest in her ran out as well, triggering her strong desire to leave him just as soon as possible! In any case, saying NO would just look too much like "I told you so" if you know what I mean.
She did get a temporary job over the Christmas holiday retail season this last year... but that was it. She hasn't even even looked for work since then. And what she doesn't know is that I get reports, honest, accurate reports as to what she says to her friends about her living situation here and about her attitude about the whole business. She still hangs out with the girl she was best friends with in junior high school when she was 13... and my best friend is that girl's mother... and my friend and her daughter have a very close relationship and my friend's daughter is becoming more than a little fed up with my kids attitude towards towards us, her mothers.
So yes... I'm VERY familiar with the sort of stress that having a child return and WAY overstay their welcome can be like!
I call my daughter boomerang. She has left and come back three times. She is now living in New York but I am still not free. She has left her dogs with me that she acquired on her last trip to the Freestay Hotel. A couple of times a month I bring up the subject of her getting a house so that she have her dogs and she says she is looking. Someday, I will be free. And I will run away leaving no forwarding address.
In addition to above - my daughter just called me. Boomerang will be back on November 1. She and her boyfriend are returning home. He with his mother and her with me for a couple of months until he saves enough for a new "crotch rocket." Since I have been babysitting their dogs that instead of looking for a house that will allow them their pets, I will let them have my house and they pay the rent on it. I am moving into a small, one bedroom apartment. Here we go again. I am really thinking about moving to Arizona or somewhere they won't follow.
posted by JeanneD
about 1 month ago
