Hello Gale,
My name is DiAnn. I'm a 17 year breast cancer survivor. I understand what you are feeling, or not feeling. It is sort of sureal, not really happening, a bad dream I'm going to wake up soon. I think your mind builds up a defense and you gather enormous strength from within somewhere. I always felt I needed to be strong for my loved ones and they took it harder. There may come a day when you will react, it may take a while. I just took one day at a time.
4 years ago my cancer metastisized and I'm now in stage IV. It spread to my lungs and bones. That is when I finally cried. They gave me 2 years to live. Just take it one day at a time and don't give in to any predictions. Stay strong and fight, fight, fight!
As far as being a victim, I don't think they really know why. I had no family history and all the statics were the same for me and I was the one blessed with it. I say blessed because it changes you in the respect that you look and life and things and people in a very different way. Never take anything for granted.
I wish you the very best with your upcoming proceedures. Ask questions, do research. The more knowledge you have about things the less surprises there are to come and you have a better understanding of what is happening. I understand that they do the lumpectomy more now than the radical mascectomy, which is what I had and there is so much more advancement today than 17 years ago.
Good Luck and I'll pray for you. DiAnn
Thanks, DiAnn for replying to my message.
Your comments mean so much to me.
This evening I was reviewing the Breast Cancer Packet they gave me yesterday, and it was the first time I actually felt that I can't go through this. My husband caught me reading what he just read and walked behind me. He put his hands on my shoulder and kissed my head. I started to cry.
I worry mostly for him.
Several years ago, my husband retired, and we moved from Delaware to Western North Carolina. In the first six months here, my husband had a horrible accident. On his way home, he lost control of his car, and went 100 ft. over the side of the mountain. After he was given of 50/50 chance of surviving, he came through with just minor personality changes. He is my miracle. Unfortunately, now, it's his turn to take care of me.
Good luck to you on proving your drs. wrong, and keep going!!!!
You will be in my prayers, also.
Gale
I am a 5 yr. 3rd stage Lung Cancer survivor. The best advice that I can give you is take each day as it coimes, JOIN A SUPPORT GROUP.I got so much from them..The groups are not full of "doom and gloom". I stayed in the group for a long time, First by taking and then by giving.
Keep a positive attitude and keep in touch.
Isn't that what, being together with the one you love, is all about. Sharing each others good times and bad. Caring the load for the other one when necessary. There is where we are so blessed Gale, we have that life partner to share that with and are blessed to have them. I've know some women who had to go through what we do and the other half couldn't handle it and walked out. Now THAT would be hard. You have a wonderful gift in your husband, cherish it. DiAnn
Somehow all of my message did not come through..I would have never made it without my wonderful caregiver--my husband ..He even came to all the support groups,I lWhen I left the support group he continued to go, hoping to help others the way he helped me.
shoeshoe, What a sweet man you have there for doing that not only for you but for others. He's a keeper! Hope you are doing better now.
azdiann.. in response to your question--I am fine . In eb. I will be celebrating 6 yrs. as a LUNG CANCER SURVIVOR. YEAH!!!
Any updates on these older messages? Would like to know how folks are doing.
I know just what you mean about not feeling anything. I was diagnosed Thanksgiving of '06 and had a double masectomy in july of '07, and I still feel nothing. My oldest daughter and granddaughter are my reasons to go on. My two younger children (21 & 24)love me, I know, but as most people their age they are pretty involved in their own lives right now. My 24 year old daughter is at University of Pittsburgh and working very hard. My son, well maybe it's that he's a boy, I don't know. My husband has a girlfriend he spends about half his weekends with. Just this week I asked him, "What kind of cancer do I have?" and he couldn't even answer. When I am not physically with my daughter and granddaughter I am just waiting to die and wish it would happen already.
Hi everyone,
I've been newly diagnosed with invasive ductile carcinoma and had my lumpectomy 3 weeks ago...fortunately I didn't wake up with a "drain" so I got to keep my lymph nodes. My latest pathology report is about as good as you can get and I will be starting on a drug and radiation course of therapy in the next few weeks.
Overall, I consider myself very lucky so far...
I wish that everyone reading this will get the same kind of good news!!!
Mental Hugs to all of you!!!
I know what you mean about feeling nothing though...I think I mostly felt that this can't be happening...to me?
Then, I just started to distract myself by running through my to do list in my head...all the time...
I have so many things/projects that I have to get done!
Wondering how much time I would have to do them?
Once I got the call to schedule the surgery it really hit me hard!
I got the call on Friday and was scheduled for the next Tuesday...
When I realized how little time I had before I got the real diagnosis I had some emotional moments when I would just start to cry (which I don't like to do) for various emotional reasons...eventually I gave myself a break and stopped fighting it...hello, you have a good reason to cry!!!
The most important thing that I learned during the whole process (from my first mammogram onward) was to totally pay attention to what is happening to you - not like I should have to say this - but, in my work I was a system tester and I was quite surprised at the number of risks/points of failure there are - even in hospitals that are good!
For example:
- my first screening mammogram was in January - about a week later they called me back in for a diagnostic mammogram for my right breast - it was scheduled for the middle of March? I asked them if this was not a long time to wait? Considering I had "failed" my first one?
They said - No, no notes about Urgency so it should be okay...
- I go for the diagnostic mammogram - even the receptionist says "right breast" and makes a note on the chart...I get to the mammogram and the technician says "left" - I said "no, right" seriously, she rolled her eyes as she walked to check the sheet...oops, it was the right side afterall...the diagnostic mammogram was much more painful than the screening version - so make sure they know what they are doing so you don't have to do it twice! Bleep!!!
- okay so then I need to have an ultrasound and a biopsy right then! I was not expecting this, but really, what are your options? I made sure that the Dr. and technicians walked me through it and prepared me for what was to come. It's not that I'm not able to handle a certain amount of pain - but I wanted to prepare myself for it! Fortunately they were very good and talked me through it all.
- one of the biggest defects I found was communication of results between the diagnostic hospital and my Dr. My Dr. only calls if you have results that need to be discussed, the hospital told me to contact my Dr. for my results...okay, fine...I called my Dr's office to tell them what had taken place, they said call back in a week or so to get the results...I called back in a week and the receptionist told me that my results were in but there was no note from my Dr. to come in for results....I took this as good news but still made an appointment to go see her.
The day before my appointment the Dr's office calls to come in for an appointment - I asked if this was a new appointment (i.e. she now had the results and bad news for me?) or if it was a response to my previous calls? They thought it was a response to my previous calls...well, imagine my surprise when I arrive for my appointment, tell her the story of all the messages and she has to tell me that I actually to have malignant breast cancer!
My Dr. was mortified that the communication had failed so badly!
Within a week I was seeing an Oncological Surgeon (in a different hospital :) and my surgery was the next week!
The new hospital and their people were really great but I also learned a lot of things...
For instance - keep a copy of all your reports, it made me feel like I was more in control...I kept it with me at the hospital and clearly the staff could see that I had my own file in my hands.
If you can't get copies of everything use your cell phone to take pictures of the files before you hand them back. You will be glad you did...
I also took pics of all the stuff that got stuck into me before surgery - I know it sounds weird - but I had my darling spouse taking pictures down my gown after all the dye and wires got stuck into me...
I also took pictures of my breast before I went for surgery...I'm not sure why, but it made me feel better to have "before" shots.
Yes, I did make jokes at the hospital that I was going to post them on facebook, but of course I never did...yet! ;o
The best part, actually, is when you get to surgery - you are no longer being poked, dyed or wired, then it's just...close your eyes, open your eyes...and you're back!
One thing I would recommend - and I can't believe this isn't on the market yet? - I wish I'd had one with me - a stress ball - something to squeeze when you are getting needles (I had 4 dye shots - they were owies for sure and then the sentinal lymph node wire thing is kinda weird, but I did get a local for that, so you won't feel pain, but you will feel the outside needle being removed...like a squeegee inside your body...) Ideally it would be hand-shaped for you to squeeze and it must be clean/new/sterile (perhaps why this hasn't happened yet? :)
So that is what I learned - so far...
Yup, it sucks and it's surreal...
I like to think that everyone who is commenting on not feeling anything is actually someone who is really strong, and is likely more worried about everyone else!
I am hoping for the best for everyone out there in our situation!
Best best BEST! to YOU ALL!!!!
xo
N
