Waxing
WAX is Not your Friend"
This is funny! CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out
loud...I laughed till I almost cried as I could just
see this happening!
-
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their
promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady,
scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.
-
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come
home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the
thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the
next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit
out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site
of my demise: the bathroom.
-
It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a
clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in
your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and
press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull
the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it
be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically
inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
-
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips
facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing
them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the
hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax,"
yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold
the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it
wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can
do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am
She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of
smooth skin extraordinaire.
-
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on
the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the
ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties
and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same
procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side
of my bikini line, covering the right half of my
*hoo-hoo* and stretching down to the inside of my butt
cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and
brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
-
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY
GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only
managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!! Another
deep breath and RRIIP! P!! Everything is swirly and
spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay
conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe,
breathe...OK, back to normal.
-
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one
that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt
sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is
my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS
THE WAX???
-
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the
toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the
strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP! I run my
fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which
is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
-
Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is
still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do
something. So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear
the slamming of a cell door. *hoo-hoo*? Sealed shut!
Butt?? Sealed shut!
-
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure
out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let
me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What
can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts
wax!!!
-
I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the
bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the
wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
WRONG!!!!!!!
-
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than
that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize
surgical equipment - I sit.
-
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether
regions glued together is having them glued together
and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding
hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
-
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I
had cement-
epoxied myself to the porcelain!!
-
God bless the man who had convinced me a few months
ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
-
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before
and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a
very good conversation starter - "So, my butt and
who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
-
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret
tricks for removal but she does try to hide her
laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the
wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?"
-
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I
give her the rundown and she suggests I call the
number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I
should be the joke of someone else's night.
-
While we go through various solutions. I resort to
scraping the wax
off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have
your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut,
stuck to the tub in super hot water and then
dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
-
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a
major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need
Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
-
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see
my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove
the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this
point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
-
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the
dickens out of my friend.
-
It's sooo painful, I but I really don't care. "IT
WORKS!! It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation
from my friend and she hangs up.
-
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and
then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS
STILL THERE.......ALL OF
IT!!!!!!!!!!
-
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.
Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at
this point.
-
Next week I'm going to try hair color......Now that's
funny ........ Notttttttttt
This is funny! CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out
loud...I laughed till I almost cried as I could just
see this happening!
-
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their
promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady,
scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.
-
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come
home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the
thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the
next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit
out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site
of my demise: the bathroom.
-
It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a
clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in
your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and
press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull
the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it
be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically
inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
-
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips
facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing
them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the
hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax,"
yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold
the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it
wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can
do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am
She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of
smooth skin extraordinaire.
-
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on
the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the
ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties
and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same
procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side
of my bikini line, covering the right half of my
*hoo-hoo* and stretching down to the inside of my butt
cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and
brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
-
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY
GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only
managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!! Another
deep breath and RRIIP! P!! Everything is swirly and
spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay
conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe,
breathe...OK, back to normal.
-
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one
that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt
sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is
my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS
THE WAX???
-
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the
toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the
strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP! I run my
fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which
is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
-
Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is
still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do
something. So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear
the slamming of a cell door. *hoo-hoo*? Sealed shut!
Butt?? Sealed shut!
-
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure
out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let
me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What
can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts
wax!!!
-
I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the
bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the
wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
WRONG!!!!!!!
-
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than
that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize
surgical equipment - I sit.
-
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether
regions glued together is having them glued together
and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding
hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
-
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I
had cement-
epoxied myself to the porcelain!!
-
God bless the man who had convinced me a few months
ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
-
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before
and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a
very good conversation starter - "So, my butt and
who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
-
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret
tricks for removal but she does try to hide her
laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the
wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?"
-
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I
give her the rundown and she suggests I call the
number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I
should be the joke of someone else's night.
-
While we go through various solutions. I resort to
scraping the wax
off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have
your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut,
stuck to the tub in super hot water and then
dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
-
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a
major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need
Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
-
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see
my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove
the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this
point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
-
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the
dickens out of my friend.
-
It's sooo painful, I but I really don't care. "IT
WORKS!! It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation
from my friend and she hangs up.
-
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and
then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS
STILL THERE.......ALL OF
IT!!!!!!!!!!
-
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.
Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at
this point.
-
Next week I'm going to try hair color......Now that's
funny ........ Notttttttttt
