Being Single
As we talk here about dating and relationships, we talk about being single. Or do we? We talk a lot about wanting to stay single, or wanting very much to find a partner, have a relationship.
But what does being single mean to you? What is it like being single?
Before I met J, during the days I could stay busy and I was okay...in the evenings I was lonely. No one to have dinner with,watch tv and discuss what was on the news with, go shopping, you name it....all the simple everyday type things we all do. I would be out and see couples and wonder why I had to be alone...I wasn't jealous, but envious, because I wanted that one special person for me like they all had....
Being single means I share my bed with cats. They might snuggle up, but not the same as spooning, and besides, they are on top of the covers and not between the sheets.
being single for me at this time means being completely outnumbered by teenagers (4), dogs (3) & cats (3) - its shouldering it all, all the time, and hoping it all comes out right in the end (i think it will :-) - the loneliness of those tough parenting days or issues that come up with that. it also means the joy of new life and second chances, learning new things about myself.
While I have an SO, he does not live with me and he has a crazy schedule as an administrator and teacher at a community college. He teaches 4 nights a week and on Saturdays, so I am alone a lot. Being single to me means not having someone to help with the chores and repairs. It is all up to me to clean, mow, do yard work, do minor repairs around the house, play with the dogs, and keep in touch with the kids. When the dogs pass on, I'm moving to a condo.
Being single means I have more control over my life - my environment, my time, my choices. At the same time, I am responsible for myself - financially, emotionally, and socially. Both aspects have pluses and minuses but in the end the pluses outweight the minuses.
While I am in a relationship, it is still relatively new and while I know he is there for me anytime, there are no legal binds to keep us together.
Being single for me is being lonely even in a crowd. Not having someone to call your own and share lifes ups and down or talk things over with or have fun with.. No one to kiss good morning or good night and no cold feet to feel at three in the morning..LOL
Being single to me means that after being married to a control freak for so long, I have had to learn to take care of everything myself. I do have a man that I keep company with but he doesn't live with me, nor do we intend to get married. Sometimes I think I would like to have someone for a big bear hug anytime I feel the need, but mostly I do just fine on my own. Sometimes I think I am wasting my time seeing this guy knowing there are at least two men more my age who really want to date me. I am somewhat attracted to one of them, but I don't want to lose the man I see now. Also he is probably looking to marry. You'd think at my age, I would know what I want out of life, but I don't. I do feel lucky to have choices.
To me being single means that I make the choices that make my life work well or spin out of control. It means I can eat, sleep and do what I want (within reason), when I choose to do it. It means that I control the Remote Control, and what I want to watch on TV.
It also means I am solely responsible for my financial welfare. I must pay my own bills and pay them on time. It means making my fixed income stretch as far as I can each month.
It sometimes means wishing I had someone to share my life with. Someone who was there when I need a shoulder to lean on, or arms to hold me when I cry. Someone who would love and protect me, so that the weight of the world is not on my shoulders all the time. Someone to snuggle up with at night. Someone to take a walk with, holding hands. Someone who would love to sit on the front porch with me, just to pass the day.
To me being single is the same as being in solitary confinement. Even when there are people around emotionally I still feel alone. It is that lack of "connection" with someone "special" that is the most disturbing aspect. Also not having someone to talk to or share things with on a regular basis. Being single means I end up doing everything myself and being everything to myself. To me being single is the equivalent of being in h-e(double hockey sticks). Hope it won't last forever.
being single is being "one" in everything....even with friends..you are still one.
