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I am sorry you are going through this. And with money tight I am sure changing the locks is out of the question. I wish you luck in dealing with it all. I don't have any real solutions for you.

Betty

Hi Domisp,
It has taken me awhile to understand that our children and grandchildren owe us nothing. They have their own lives to lead, their own problems and their own social groups. Should they choose to interact with us and help us emotionally and financially, accept it is a blessing, but never expect it. Many years ago I was speaking with an octogenarian cousin who always seemed to get along well with her children and grandchildren. I asked what her secret was. The answer I received was "keep your mouth shut and your wallet open."

I am sorry to hear of the difficulty you are having with your son. All I can suggest is to try to wean yourself away from him and his situation. I realize how difficult this may be, but it is important for you not to be a "facilitator" and enable him to cause you so much distress. Best of luck with this.
Marty

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. It does seem with the blows we have been dealt that life would treat us kinder, but it does not work out that way. If you cannot afford to change the locks, perhaps you could put up bolts? Have you talked to the parents of the grandchild? There are many ways to keep people from gaining entry into your house besides locks, you can wedge chairs under doors etc. You could also talk tot he police and perhaps have a restraining order issued, not that they often do any good, but perhaps the threat of one would be enough, you obviously are not getting the respect and support you deserve from this young person. In just talking to the police you should get some ideas about how you might protect yourself and your home. Wishing you easier days.
Love Ya, Lyn

Lyn is giving you good advise as are the others. I would also suggest looking for some help from someone at church to help with the locks. As g'parents we have to remember that we have to take care of ourselves first, when we are in good shape physically and financially, then we can help some one else but not before.

You are not being mean by not helping a 28 year old. It is he who is at fault.

This is just too sad...you have enough pain as it is...just learn from it...and never fall for it again and be clear with him if he tries anything again..even the threat of the restraining order, which seems to hard when it's family but sometimes necessary....

so sorry you are going through this...may things take a turn for the better next week...
Ohiowoman

Sorry you have having to deal with this. People know we are vulnerable and they take advantage of us. They think we are weak and that we will do nothing to stop them. I have a friend who lost her husband the same week and mine is having so much trouble with her step Children. They are mean and nasty and they think that everything she and her husband had should be theirs because their dad owned it. They even want her to pay for one of the brothers funeral. His will didn't state any of that. His will left everything to his wife. Some people are so greedy. They think they are entitled. Everyone has given you some good advice which I can't add any more. Hope your grandson comes to his senses.

Just want to say I am sorry to hear all the problems with your grandson.
Mine will be 3 in May and 2 thoughts came to mind ..... (hey- that is an improvement)

I cannot imagine living long enough to have a 28 year old grandson and
- how sad that family members bring such tension and sadness to us.

My dad remarired after my mother died suddenly (she was 52, he 54) and the lady was lovely, but after about 2 1/2 years, things were not working out but my Dad was embarrased to call it quits and hung in for 25 years (now that is a hanging on its own !)
When they would fight, my dad would say he will leave her penniless and destitute and she would says awful things (like you probably caused your wife's cerebral hemmorage and death) this was said in front of me on one of my last visits to her

To make a long story short- when he died, he left EVERYTHING TO HER- not a penny to myself or brother- Maybe he felt guilty about how they fought, but we were shocked. It turned out OK because she wound up in a nursing care facility and needed every cent of that money, but we were hurt.(in a surprise will, she left my 2 children some money but I was not able to tell my brother - he would have been furious, but my kids called her Grandma and called on the phone and even visted her, which the other grandson never did)

This has nothing to do with your grandson and I don't know why the hell I am writing all this, especially since not writing in this group for many many months.

Guess just the idea of someone taking advantage of you at this point in your life. caused me to mouth off.
Can you talk to him and warn him, can you talk to his parents or maybe the idea of telling him of your disappointment and changing the locks would be best. It will be awful to have to live in fear that he is coming and going on a whim and taking your stuff.

Keep us posted and good luck

Susan

.(after my husband died )

I had step-children let them selves into my home while I was at work. the only way I knew is that they forgot to shut the door between the house and the garage. fortunately I knew a guy a friend of my brothers who was a locksmith. I called him and explained the situation and he came right out and changed the locks and told me I could make payments if I had to my safety was more important. Then the next day they tried again and had the nerve to complain to my daughter that I had changed the locks. Then they tried to move one of the grandchildren in with me so I wouldn't be alone. I wasn't falling for that either. I also got a call from the funeral director who had been a friend of my husbands and my step childrens mother, he wanted to advise me that they wanted to cheat me out of the life insurance money. It didn't work,the insurance had defaulted back to me because my husband didn't fill out the form they send every once in awhile to update their files.
Needless to say they weren't happy when the probate judge granted everything to me,except his truck and some bank shares that were in his name only those were theirs legally and they got that money. Then they approached my kids and said they didn't think it was right that my two children got a share of that money. My daughter said what are you talking about, we didn't get anything. Anyhow the probate judge was ready for their calls he was expecting them.

I know about things breakimg down my husbands buddy said he would come help me with the roof on my house. I needed to clean it to sell it, he never showed up. Once a spouse dies everyone you knew together disappears they don't know what to say to you and they sometimes are threatened by you being single if you are attractive you may steal their husband.

So pull yourself up. sell the place if the repairs are to much
and shame on your children for not helping you

grief counciling works wonders for a lot of people.
Keep yourself busy,
find new single friends,
do what you liked to do before you were married.
join a widow/widowers group
travel,
I know I sound tough but I really am not. after six years I still sit and feel sorry for myself when the car doesn't work or I need a new roof on the mobil home. I guess you will always miss your husband but slowly things will stop hurting as much and you will feel more secure as a single person.

After having heard stories like this from many people and having had some first hand experiences myself, I suggest that anyone who is contemplating giving money, property or shelter to a young, close relative, talk to some others who got burned as you did. Right now, I know two widows who loaned money to their grandkids (in their 20's) and will NEVER see it again despite the earnest promises that were made initially.

I too am so sorry you are dealing with this situation. Hmmmm, change locks , chain locks, and tough love for sure when it comes to this child again.