My husband passed away a year ago this January. I've uprooted myself and moved to Arizona, I guess I thought that starting over would be a good thing. I needed to get out of my comfort zone. However, now I am here and feel more alone than ever. there are times that I see something beautiful and reach for y phone to call my husband...I think I feel worse now than i did last year.
I am so sorry for your loss. I so admire your bravery in picking up and moving, what a strong person you must be. I know it must be hard to have everything new, to start anew where your husband had not been. I think even those of us who did not pick up and move are often startled by the fact that the first year having gone by did not bring the healing that myth often says it does. In one week I will be at 3 years and I still have days that I am brought to my knees and my heart and soul once again feel torn. Of course there are all kinds of suggestions to anyone that is struggling to start over, to find an interest to pursue, from books to bicycling, to get involved in volunteering, to join a church, or donate your time to libraries, but most of all I think we should all seek what brings us comfort and can occupy our time. For me in the beginning it was dancing at night to the music that my husband and I loved. I danced until I was exhausted and some how when I fell in bed, I felt I took him with me. Post here often and lean on us. We are all on the same journey, perhaps a different trail but the same journey. Know that the love never dies, it lives forever in your heart. May the days be kind to you. Love Ya, Lyn
I too moved 4 months after my husband passed away. I moved in with my daughter and granddaughter. I keep busy. It is good for me. However, I was grieving for 12 years before he died knowing the day was coming any day, also he was like caring for a young child so he was no longer the man I married. I also do not have many friends here and feel alone. But I know it would have been much worse if I had not moved. Give yourself more time. Some say the second year is as bad or worse then the first year. It has been 18 months now for me so I kind of know what you are saying.
I'm sorry that you need this group but joining is a good thing for you. We all have been through so much of the same feelings that you have and we understand how life is after the death of our spouse. So many members that share their experiences and express their understanding in loving words helps us cope in day to day living.
It has been 2 years and 5 months since my husband died and I feel absolutely abandoned now. That started this year and hits hard......I am surprised by this emotion after all this time passed. My second year was harder than the first year so I'm thinking as time passes the reality hits us every so often and we must find ways to help us get through until the lost feeling lets up . Weekends are harder for me..
Sorry, didn't intend to write about my feelings but reading your post seemed to trigger something that said write again. I don't post very often now....but I'll say thank you for prodding me to express something that is bothering me so much lately.
We will get through these stages and be able to function in our new way of living, Dorelle
I understand how you feel. It seems that when we have endured all of the firsts and the one year mark hits that answers will come. So far it hasn't happened for me. The grief is different but it is still there. I am coming up on 20 months and at times I think that I am doing better and then reality sets in. It took courage for you to move and try something out of your comfort zone. Maybe riding the roller coaster of emotions just takes much longer then we thought and that is OK. Joyce
My best friend said to me today, "Recently, when you talk of David, you sound so sad." That caught me off guard and surprised me. But, after almost two years, the reality is becoming reality.
new2AZ, I know the feeling of being alone, and I can relate to wanting to call my husband ["in the other room"] and show him something special, or just to talk to him.
I'm venturing out more and more, and as the days get longer I will be more socially active in the evenings. It still isn't the same, and it never will be. I just need to remember that Love never dies.
I am sorry for your loss. You are so brave to move out of your comfort zone. It is hard to move and not know anyone. That has to be lonely for you. It is 18 months since I lost my husband and the roller coaster of emotions can get to you. One minute you think everything is fine and then you remember something that seems to take you back to the beginning. Come her when ever you feel the need to talk with someone. There is always someone here that will answer you. This group has a lot of very caring and compassionate folks.
Who knows what is best. They say don't make any major decisions in the first year. It has been 23 weeks and one day for me. I have about 75% decided to move to Illinois (from Wisconsin). I have to sell my house in this terrible market and there are some things I have to do to it before I put it on the market. I expect to move in about a year, so that would put me almost a year and half from when Patricia passed away. Her family over the course of 30 years truly became my family and I will be near them. For me, that seems to make the most sense. I considered moving somewhere totally new, but I thought I would feel alone and I am not the best at making new friends. I admire everyone on here as we decide what to do with the rest of our lives. I pray for strength and wisedom for us all. tdale
I am sorry for your loss and with your move the fist year, perhaps it'll take a little longer to settle in than it did myself - Just being here in the same home, returning each day to a home without him felt unreal - at times I also felt like leaving, but I have 6 wonderful grandchildren and i would miss them. It has gotten easier with time, but I have my moments. Still I find myself saying, Tim what happened to us ?
It is good to know that this group is here for you to write/share and realize that you are never alone with simialr thoughts. When I joined this group ( will be 3 yrs in June ) - the group size was over 200 and look at it now - My thoughts are with you wishing you a Light heart Chris
My husband also passed away in January 2009. We had moved to AZ a few years ago to be with family. I never expected to be out here without him. That just wasn't the plan. I also admire your courage to uproot yourself. Even though I have family here, all of my lifelong friends are back in the Midwest along with his family. I work from home so I often feel isolated. It is beautiful out here, isn't it? It's sad not to have our loved ones to share it with.
Give yourself time....the first year my John was gone, I was numb...well numb with crying. Family kept me busy and my work pals were always there to listen. I joined a support group through my medical provider and every two weeks we met and we talked about our loved ones and how to cope or ask for help. I found that there are two groups of grievers - those that immediately move away to start over and those that find comfort in familiar surroundings. I was a stayer - thank goodness by choice (family and friends) but now after four years and retirement, I find that the memories of what "we" had here at home are more wishful thinking of what coud-have-been. Does that make sense?? I don't want the constant reminders of what I can't ever have - a life with John. So, soon I will bravely go out of my confort zone and set off to new adventures. If God smiles on me, then She in Her infinite wisdom will provide some interesting company along my adventures but if not, then I know how to read a map and I always have a good book and my iphone so....life is not done - there are pictures to take, places to see and people to meet and, always, laughter to share. I find myself wondering how I actually survived!! Lol.....with laughter and yes - you are allowed to laugh!
