She can't walk away and think about her beautiful boy because the chemical screws up the brain chemistry and addicts cannot make good decisions.
If she has been clean, she will probably be clean again. No matter how much we rationally know that relapses happen, each time one occurs I know that I feel like I have been punched in the stomace and had the rug pulled out from under me until I do exactly what you are planning to do--pull back, give it time and wait until I can think more clearly.
When is this all going to end? Any Answers?
Keep on moving forward, everybody. We can do it.
Crest is absolutely right. She uses because she's an addict. That's what addicts DO. What clean/sober people do is, to a real extent, an unnatural act. It's a conscious commitment to not do what comes naturally. And that's just plain hard to do successfully.
And you are doing exactly what you should be doing, and feeling a perfectly normal feeling. So take a deep breath, have some tea, back off and wait. Know that you didn't break it and you can't fix it.
She's likely to get clean again. Your job is to take care of yourself.
posted by Sammig
over 2 years ago
Once I started to think of drug addiction as almost normal instead catastrophizing everything, I was able to cope better. BUT my whole family is filled qith drama junkies, so that was very very hard for me to do. Still, I got there.
Remember: As long as there is breath, there is hope.
I'm sorry that your feeling sad and angry.
Dear hope,
right now the drug is bigger than both of them. Your daughter and her child. Same with me and my son. My son is on heroin and his son is 9 is wanting to see him badly. The need for heroin is bigger than the need for his son. The boy wants so badly to go see his dad. He lives in ohio and my son in Canada. Normally, I take the boy. But not this time. Not out of malice but out of concern for me. I am not going to drive 1000 miles [one way] for a week's visit so that my son can be with his son. It hurts like hell to say NO especially to the boy. He does not understand. But my son does and he is just concerned that we get him there and whatever money he has is for heroin.
I know exactly where you are coming from, I have the same sentiments But like I said, it is bigger than most of us. But I am still determined to have as happy a Christmas as I can muster. Please do the same. My best. Hope3
posted by Hope3
over 2 years ago
Thanks to everyone for the encouraging words and I am going to try and give our boy a good Christmas whether his mom chooses to be there or not. She went to a meeting last night but has been asleep since then you know they have to sleep it off after being on a binge. I just go about my day and leave her alone till she wants to talk but I am taking some time for me even went and bought myself a new little sporty car(BRIGHT RED) and you know that really helped my mood. Nothing like retail therapy!!
Make it a good day by taking care of you. It is not selfish by no means. The addict is going to do whatever they can to make you react. Go to an alanon meeting or call someone for support. One day I said to myself that I better take care of me! Its for sure that my drug addicted adult children can not take care of me. We need to do whatever it takes to keep ourselves sane.
Hang in their, Kathy
No, don't feel bad if you cannot be around your daughter. The grandchild is who is important. My grown addicts do not come here if they are high or drunk. I will not allow it. I would get to sick myself and I am not allowing that to happen. I wrote you a note on your guestbook. I am not sure what I am doing on this Eons. I am available though to talk and help anyone if I can. I have 28 years of sobriety and its something that I intend to keep at all costs. That makes me take care of myself. I am powerless to change these addicted adult kids of mine and so are you. They have to do the recovery work themselves. Take care of you!!
Just an update Emily is still using and my husband and I are in the process of trying to get her out of our house. We found out in the last two days that she has stolen money from her job(she workrd for a family friend),stolen from one of her oldest friends, and with some of her so called friends taken credit cards and used them. She is being investigated and we have been told that she will probably be arrested and jailed. My husband and i have always gotten her out of any trouble by paying for whatever but we have decided that this time she can sit it out. We will do nothing to help her get out. She has never spent anytime in jail and she will be very angry but we feel she needs to see there are consequences to your actions. Anyway we will see what the next few days bring.
Oh, gosh--good luck, withhope. The holidays sometimes bring very tought times to families of addicts.
Stay strong.
