Hope For The Holidays

Message 4424 of 4909

Maybe there is a ray of hope for us to salvage Christmas this year. Today I saw and spoke to my son for the first time in almost two months. And even though I realize that pride goes before a fall, I am proud of the fact that I kept my cool as well as I did. No yelling, screaming, no hateful words spoken. What good would it have done, anyway? Oh, don't get me wrong...it was all in the back of my mind. And it may come out at a more appropriate time, but today was not it. I took my granddaughter to our town's Christmas parade, and Barry joined us there to watch the parade. He had some general conversation with his brothers (who were also there) and tried to be pleasant with me. I told him he could come to Christmas dinner at our house if he wants to, but emphasized that his family would be there and that he and ONLY he was invited. He assured me he would come alone. Whether he comes or not remains to be seen, but I feel better for having invited him. His father disagrees with me and thinks we should all continue the tough love by cutting all ties with him, but I'm not so sure. Where does tough love and a mother's love find a compatible meeting place? Please tell me what you all think. Was I right to invite him to be a part of the family for Christmas?

posted by nannyjanny

Yes Janny. I do think you did the right thing. As mothers, we can,t just get rid of our kids as though we never had them. We carried them in our womb for nine months. I believe its different for a mother, then it is for the father. I,m not saying a father loves his children any less then we do. Its just that we have that bond with them that we,ve had from the day they were born. That,s why I,ve always said. No matter how old they get, they will always be our babies. Don,t feel guilty. Tough love is hard for us under any circumstances, but when their lives are in jeopardy, its even harder.

posted by Joygirl68
over 2 years ago

Miraculously my son, Gary, managed to stay straight every Christmas so he could spend it with us, his family! 5 years ago was the only one he couldnt come to, he was in his final rehab(This is the one he promised would be it, he wasn't putting everyone through this horror any more! Five months later he relapsed & took his life.

Nanny, he IS part of your family, I hope he comes alone and straight, that would be the greatest gift a mother in our situation could hope for! I would give anything to see my son,smiling,happy sitting at our Christmas table..instead there is just an empty chair!

Today is a hard one!

posted by Leprikin
over 2 years ago

I think that "tough love" doesn't mean cutting all ties. Tough love, for me, means that we set boundaries and establish our needs. Tough love isn't half about teaching THEM as it is about protecting US. Making rules never ever got anybody clean and sober who wasn't ready to do so. Tough love helps us find a way to continue to care without it costing us to do so -- emotionally, financially, physically, spiritually.

Yes, I think you did the right thing.

posted by Sammig
over 2 years ago

Sometimes it's really hard to tell whats the right thing and whats the wrong thing to say or do. Everyone has an opinion and it doesn't make it right. Sometimes you have to just go with your gut feelings. But I do believe when anger,yelling or blaming enter into the picture then too much has been said...Nanny he is part of your family and as long as he acts respectfully to you and the rest of the family...hey count your blessings, enjoy the holiday and your son.