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"The tree's up in the attic, mom, its wrapped and tightly bound,
If you want I'll help you get it, we can bring it down."
"No," she said, "that was your father's job before he died."
"But, mom, it's been almost three years and you've not even tried."

"You haven't had a Christmas tree since daddy passed away,
And I think that it's time you put your tree up for display."
"Maybe this year I will do it," then she smiled at me,
"But I don't think today I feel like messing with a tree."

Three weeks until Christmas as I sat there at my mother's,
Sipping tea and talking of my children and my brothers.
She preferred to live alone after my dad's death,
Because she said she never would become somebody's pest.

So as we chatted and enjoyed each other's company,
I told her, "mom, the kids ask every year about your tree."
"They ask why grandma doesn't like to put it up and trim,
So I just told them next time ask her; you explain to them."

She just smiled and said, "you tell them I don't need a tree,
Santa only comes to children; he won't come to me."
We laughed and then I had to leave, I had not made a case.
She said, "I'll put a little one upon the fireplace."

On Christmas Day since daddy died, we all went to my mother's,
But it was not a happy time like all the many others.
We would take some things to her, our presents and some food,
She wanted it kept simple she was never in the mood.

But this year as we reached her door the children starting saying,
"Mom, there's something different we hear Christmas music playing."
I knocked and opened up the door completely mesmerized,
I just could not believe the scene that stretched before my eyes.

Christmas music playing and sweet smells that filled the air,
A Christmas dinner cooking and the tree was sitting there.
Fully trimmed and lighted up like never it had been,
A roaring fire and all the room with decorated trim.

Presents underneath the tree and candy all around,
I just stood there looking and I couldn't make a sound.
Stockings hanging by the fire so full and each a name,
I wondered what had happened did my mother go insane?

She came out of the kitchen with a smile across her face,
"Well," she said, "what do you think of grandma's Christmas place?"
The kids were all excited as they ran to see the tree,
Then she sat me down and said, "there's something you must see."

"I went up to the attic after you left here last time,
Just to look around in it to see what I could find."
"I saw the Christmas tree wrapped up but much to my surprise,
I also found the gifts your dad had bought before he died."

Around her neck she had a locket I had never seen,
She said, "here read this Christmas card; you'll see just what I mean."
I opened up the Christmas card and it was from my dad,
I started getting teary eyed and starting feeling sad.

The card was really beautiful and he had done some writing,
It was really eerie but was also so exciting.
"Merry Christmas, sweetheart," he had written to my mother,
"You know I love this holiday much more than any other."

"I know this may be sad but this may be my last on earth,
But we both know that we have lived it for all that its worth."
"We both know that I am ill and may not have much time,
But the time we've had together was so very fine."

"I love you so much sweetheart, and I know this will be hard,
So I will put this letter inside of your Christmas card."
"I am not afraid to die for we've had many years,
But just the thought of leaving you has caused me many tears."

"You are my source of living and your love has made me whole,
Your love has penetrated even to my very soul."
"That is why I know sweetheart I am the first to go,
But we again will be together that much I do know."

"A love like ours cannot die out it is too very strong,
I will be the first to leave but you will come along."
"One day we will be happier than we have ever been,
I love you wife and lover and my dearest, dearest friend."

"But sweetheart please be happy it will be a little while,
Before I once again can see your glowing, gentle smile."
"One day we will look back on this and hold each other tight,
And never have to look again into the darkest night."

"I've given you this locket and our pictures are within,
With smiling faces just the way that it has always been."
"Christmas at our house was always such a great affair,
With all our loved ones sharing happiness while gathered there."

"These pictures are from Christmas past that shows our happiness,
And now it will be different but I have one final wish."
"It was the best time of the year and I will still be there,
Remember this and open up this locket that you wear."

"Enjoy the friends and family and the festive joyous ring,
Just share the love that we have known and never change a thing."
"Remember that this happiness will take you through the years,
And when I hold you once again I'll wipe away those tears."

I closed the card and wiped my eyes and took a little while.
Then when I looked at mother I could only see her smile.
"This was his favorite holiday," my mother said again,
"And I will make it happy until I'm with him again."

James A. Kisner

Thanks Sue. I have tears streaming down my face but I love the message in the poem. Joyce

That brought tears to my eyes - thanks. I am still procrastinating this year - I put up the lights outside but nothing inside. I keep saying I will, but I feel just like the woman in the poem - I'm just not in the mood right now. How wonderful it would be to find a gift that was purchased by Ann before she passed away....

I know how you feel. I haven't decorated at all. I still don't know if I will.

After reading this post and realizing that I can not be in the mood for a long time, I decided to get the tree out and decorate it...

Mike, the tree is beautiful and it is the first decoration of any kind that I was happy to see. I guess because I knew that it must have been hard for you to do. To Ann! Joyce

It was hard, lots harder than I figured it would be -- the ornaments are a conglomeration of mementos from the 34 years that we decorated the tree together, some handmade by Ann or the kids, others just store-bought ones that we've had for so many years. I didn't even scratch the surface of all the decorations that we have, I just couldn't dig that far into the container, it got too emotional.

I cannot put up a tree with the ornaments...I think I wlll give them to my daughter next year and if I put up a tree I will get a small one and new ornaments...hopefully I can enjoy the sentimental ornaments at her home on her tree....

Mike, I still don't know how you did it. I know what you mean about the ornaments. I have 20 years worth that are in the basement. Every one tells a story and we used to hang each one and laugh and say remember when... Someday I want a tree again and I want to cherish every memory that comes to mind with it but I just can't yet. Even though it is emotional (that is an understatement) I hope that you will look at that tree and smile. For now I will look at your tree and all the love that it represents. Joyce

"And I will make it happy until I'm with him again."
What great words! What a great motivation! Thank you.