I'm doing ok right now but this is the first year for me. But went Christmas eve coming how do you get pass that? People just tell think of the good times of Christmas pass but I still miss him.

Hi Disney,
You are at one of the most difficult times...that "first" of everything. There is no getting "past" it ...it becomes a matter of getting "through" it. People often mean well by saying things such as the "think of the good times of Christmas past" and I hope that in your heart you carry those good memories for they become very precious but what they do not realize is that remembering what was in the past does NOT take the horrific pain of the NOW away. His not being with you NOW is causing great pain. That is a very real thing and a very valid feeling.
My advice to you would be to try and prepare yourself as much as possible for the coming time. Realize that it is going to hurt and that others are not going to understand to the full extent what you are going through. Do only what you know you can handle. If you feel you can attend a function do so, if you feel like you need to cry then cry. If you feel you can not handle being with others or that you would not be allowed to express your true emotions then perhaps reconsider going. This is going to be very difficult for you being the "first year". Take on only what you can handle. Plan out in your mind what you will do and how to handle things. If a plan is in place it is sometimes easier. You can assure the others that you have the good times of the past in your treasured memories but that does not ease the pain of his not being there now..that you are grieving and that you need to be able to feel and express the extreme sadness you feel about his absence. Sometimes sharing your sadness in a verbal manner ...perhaps a time set aside of remembering him alone with nothing else going on helps. Letting others share their memory of him as well...then you don't feel quite so alone like you are the only one missing him while everyone else goes on as if there is not someone missing from this years usual activities. One day at a time...sometimes it comes down to ten minutes at a time. When this ten minutes is past then face the next ten minutes. It will not be easy but you can do this. What you are feeling is normal. Take your time and allow yourself whatever you need to get through this time. Know that I will hold you in prayer and if you need to talk or share at anytime we are here for you. Take care of YOU that is your first priority.

Hugs.....Jarcy

Thank you Jarcy.

disney, I'm coming up on my 2nd holiday season alone. I'm doing okay so far. I usually did all the shopping and gift-wrapping and mailing, so that's not any different. What is different is not having David here to share putting up and decorating the tree, guessing what's in the packages, and laughing and playing with the silly gifts in the stockings.
I guess I'll deal with those times when they arrive... That doesn't mean I'll enjoy them. Perhaps, in time, I can find new traditions to help me through the holidays.

This is my "first" and I'm not handling it so well. I would like to just skip the whole thing and wake up to find it's January. People keep inviting me to things and sometimes I go, sometimes I don't. But they feel the need to explain that they're just trying to keep me busy so I can get through it. It's taking a lot of energy to hold it together.

I've given myself permission to skip the tree, the cards, the decorating, but I'm still just all tied up in knots of dread. I guess your suggestion of 10 minutes at a time is what I need to try next.

Judi....It doesn't matter if it is your "first" or your "fifth" as it is for me...sometimes we do not handle it or just portions of it so well. Give yourself permission to know that is OK. You don't have to "handle it so well". No one sets standards for getting through this...it is what it is...and there are parts of it..and at times all of it...that just plain hurt so bad you can't breath and it stinks. I am glad that you are doing what you feel you can. The sometimes you go and sometimes you don't is wise...do only what you want and what you feel you can handle!!!! DO NOT let others set standards for you ...set your own!!!! Only YOU know what you can and can't handle and what is best for you at this point!!! Sure others mean well...but they don't fully understand or get it. It takes a whole lot of energy to just keep walking during this time and the extra energy of trying to hold it together can wear you down fast. Give yourself permission not to "hold it together". If it is an okay situation you will handle it...it if isn't and you fall apart, so what...you have that right!!!! As you have given yourself permission to skip the tree, cards, decorating ect. give yourself permission for the other as well. The knots may still be there but they won't be tied up as tight as before and a little easier to handle. Remember we are here if you want to talk or share. If the 10 minutes at a time is what you can handle do it....I do and I will not apologize for it even five years later. Yup, it is a "little"easier now five years later but when it was the favorite holiday, the most family oriented one etc. etc. etc. it still isn't easy after five years....thus I am doing the 10 minutes at a time. Hang in there and just keep on keeping on as you can.

Hugs...Jarcy