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You know, that's a great question. I've wondered about the same thing, but don't worry about it much. I am divorced, but was married in 1972 for just a very short time. I don't feel like I've ever been married, so I normally will say I'm "single". I think people are sometimes suspicious of a person who has never married, so there probably is something to that "stigma" thing, though I don't think it's fair.

I have been married -- and divorced -- twice. I never say I am divorced, unless it is absolutely necessary. It's no one's business; that's why it's called "private" life. My guess is, some people look down on divorcees, others look down on those who seem never to have been married. My answer to both groups: Bologna!

I use things like that as a litmus test for people -- those who are accepting, or at least nonjudgmental, are permitted in my life. The others can go pound sand. True, we have to interact sometimes with people we don't think much of, but I generally keep as much distance between myself and them as I can manage. I am polite to them; that's it.

That said, I acknowledge that I then become judgmental, don't I. The overlay for me in all these conflicts is compassion, as much as I can muster. Sometimes it is a significant amount, other times not so much. No one is perfect. Including me. (As much as I hate admitting that!!)

This subject keeps coming up for me and I do think there is a stigma. Divorce almost seems to imply some defect of character. I think most people try to remain above it all by indicating that the fault was primarily on the other party when in fact, it takes two.

I'm far more realistic and realize that I played a large part and I can deal with any opinions people might care to share with me about that. People change and grow apart, value systems change and maturity and outside influences impact in ways that cannot be anticipated.

I was raised in a generation where we often heard "you've made your bed, now sleep in it". I do not know anyone living in a bad marriage that I envy. Singledom can be hard but so was a bad marriage.

I have long believed that there is more stigma attached to being single, then to being divorced. I don't think there should be a stigma attached to either status, but there seems to be. But, I don't worry about it as long as my life is comfortable.

I've been married twice - first marriage was 31+ years - and any stigma I felt after that divorce was - in my mind - self imposed. I felt conspicuous & ashamed, thinking that people would "just know" that I was divorced & therefore a failure. The thing that helped me past that the most was going to a divorce recovery group. Being around other people thinking the same thoughts & feeling the same feelings was very comforting & reassuring that it was natural, but irrational.

The second marriage was pretty much a non-event for me. I almost gag just trying to say that I was married twice. It only lasted 11 months with us living together about 7 months & was just almost not even consummated. My self-imposed stigma this time was more about humiliation & embarrassment than anything, but took a toll on me emotionally.

Today I don't feel any stigma at all about being divorced. I really can't speak to the single hood part of it - other than I have to admit that I am / would be somewhat leery of a serious, long-term relationship with a man that's never been married (or at least in a long-term relationship of some kind) by this age.

Oh....and by the way. The stigma I DO sense as a single/divorced woman - since I would be interested in another relationship - is my weight. Finding a man willing to look past that to the real me is problematic.

Amen to that Too....men are not nearly as forgiving about weight as women are.

So is this a chic topic?

No it's not, Oisin. Please chime in and give us your thoughts.

ok

I think the stigma has been placed on me by me. I feel I should be somewhere else at this point of my life. I should be married, happy and enjoying grand children.

As far as socially, NO hell everyone is divorced anymore.

I still after ten years wonder where I am and why.

I wonder what people I meet think, if they ever wonder why and then worry they think.............

well, dont we all create our own stigma's?