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Things Not To Say
When Hanging The Lights

Did you know that hanging lights on a Christmas tree is one of the
three most stressful situations in an on-going relationship? (Page
Six's Psychiatrist claims the other two danger zones are teaching
your mate to drive and wallpapering. He is rarely wrong on these
things.) We rush to print with an emergency prompt list of Things
Not
To Say When Hanging Lights on the Christmas Tree.

-- "You've got two red lights right next to each other, dummy.
You're
supposed to go yellow, green, red, blue, not yellow, red, red,
green,
blue..."

--"Up a little higher. You can reach it. Go on, try."

--"What the hell do you do to these lights when you put them away
every year? Tie them in knots?"

--"Come away from that aluminum ladder, kids. I'm going to fry that
sucker."

--"If you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all. Don't
just
throw them on, like you do the icicles. You're worse than your
father."

--"Give me that."

--"You've got the whole thing on the tree upside-down. The electric
pluggee thing should be down here at the bottom, not up at the top."

--"I don't care if you have found another two strings, I'm done,
dammit."

--"You've just wound 'em around and around - I thought we agreed it
shouldn't look like a spiral this year?"

--"Have you been drinking?"

--"Where's the cat?"

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