The First Thanksgiving After a Divorce
The first Thanksgiving after a divorce will probably be fraught with poignant memories of previous holidays and the traditions you shared. Expect to feel sad. The contrast between how you felt in previous years and how you feel this year will make it even more painful.
Take this year to make new traditions. If you always spent Thanksgiving with your spouse's family, go visit yours this year. Consider volunteering at a soup kitchen, or having a dinner with your friends. When you're dealing with divorce, don't put all your focus on how things were. Think about how things could be now, and take steps to make them that way.
Don't worry about being a Debbie Downer. Of course, that doesn't mean you should spend the whole holiday weekend moping around and waxing eloquent about how horrible dealing with divorce is. It just means that you shouldn't try to plaster on a happy face and keep it there, even when you're in pain inside.
If you need to vent or need a shoulder to cry on, grab a friend or family member that you trust and let it out. Otherwise, do your best to strive for a good holiday atmosphere, free from bitterness. The fact that you're around supportive friends and family alone should show you that it's not the end of the world.
Just don't make Thanksgiving itself your rant day. Try to talk to somebody beforehand and keep the negative thoughts and energy of dealing with divorce away from Thanksgiving. Otherwise, you're going to make the holiday itself more rotten for you and bring it down for your friends and family.
Be flexible with the scheduling. If you have children, then you'll do something you haven't had to do before: figure out which parent they'll spend Thanksgiving with. Part of dealing with divorce is not letting bitterness color the holiday for you or your children.
Most importantly, don't speak ill of your ex to your kids or complain about having to "share" them for the holidays.Your children are probably old enough to make decisions about where to go for the holidays, and chances are they already feel guilty about not being able to see both of you on Thanksgiving. Complaining will make it worse, and may actually make them resent you. Plus, even though your marriage didn't work out, your kids still need their other parent and you should make them feel special.
List what you are thankful for. Always a winner, but often, when we feel lowest, the hardest thing to do. Do it anyway.
Take this year to make new traditions. If you always spent Thanksgiving with your spouse's family, go visit yours this year. Consider volunteering at a soup kitchen, or having a dinner with your friends. When you're dealing with divorce, don't put all your focus on how things were. Think about how things could be now, and take steps to make them that way.
Don't worry about being a Debbie Downer. Of course, that doesn't mean you should spend the whole holiday weekend moping around and waxing eloquent about how horrible dealing with divorce is. It just means that you shouldn't try to plaster on a happy face and keep it there, even when you're in pain inside.
If you need to vent or need a shoulder to cry on, grab a friend or family member that you trust and let it out. Otherwise, do your best to strive for a good holiday atmosphere, free from bitterness. The fact that you're around supportive friends and family alone should show you that it's not the end of the world.
Just don't make Thanksgiving itself your rant day. Try to talk to somebody beforehand and keep the negative thoughts and energy of dealing with divorce away from Thanksgiving. Otherwise, you're going to make the holiday itself more rotten for you and bring it down for your friends and family.
Be flexible with the scheduling. If you have children, then you'll do something you haven't had to do before: figure out which parent they'll spend Thanksgiving with. Part of dealing with divorce is not letting bitterness color the holiday for you or your children.
Most importantly, don't speak ill of your ex to your kids or complain about having to "share" them for the holidays.Your children are probably old enough to make decisions about where to go for the holidays, and chances are they already feel guilty about not being able to see both of you on Thanksgiving. Complaining will make it worse, and may actually make them resent you. Plus, even though your marriage didn't work out, your kids still need their other parent and you should make them feel special.
List what you are thankful for. Always a winner, but often, when we feel lowest, the hardest thing to do. Do it anyway.
