If your kids are grown you can't expect them to always hang around. This holiday my younger son is flying to spend the weekend with his brother...no mom allowed....and I'm fine with it. Last year I had a house full and this year everyone is doing something different. It may be nice to have all the kids around, but enjoy the alone time and reflect on all the good things in your life. Go to a movie or take a nice walk out in the country, phone a friend that you haven't spoke to in awhile or make yourself something good to eat. Reading a good book sounds good, and next year maybe you should plan on Paris!
When my grown kids all were torn between families competing for their presence at the groaning holiday table, I began my annual Waifs and Strays Thanksgiving Dinner. I went around and everyone I ran into who had no family in the area and would be alone for the holiday I invited to my dinner. Singles, couples, small families, anybody.
And they ALL said, gee, sounds nice, but no. We wouldn't know anybody there. And I would reply, 'NOBODY will know anybody else there. There will be none of my family. Just all people with no family around on Thanksgiving. The only person that anyone there will know will be ME.'
That always got them. I always had anywhere from 20 - 30 people. I would start plying them with different crazy fruit wines grown and bottled locally, the minute they walked in the door. Didn´t take long for everyone to loosen up, and some years, I had trouble getting rid of them they were having such a good time.
Well, anyway, that's what I did. I loved it almost more than the family dinners with this one or that one jumping up halfway through announcing they had to be at their boyfriend's house, or inlaws house. Or arriving late and announcing, I'm not hungry, we at at John's parents.
Yep, WVFarmer, sounds like it's time for new traditions for you...eating out with friends, taking a trip somewhere each year, volunteering at a ministry who is providing Thanksgiving meals for the homeless, having a rental-movie marathon at home by yourself or with a friend...those came to me off the top of my head.
My oldest son is married now and has five celebrations wanting his and his family's attendance. Last year, he and his wife announced they would be spending time with her mother for a while, his dad and step-mom for a while, and with my grandmother for a while on Thanksgiving Day and Chrismas Day. My family and my mom make sure we are with my grandmother when they visit her, so we don't have to try and schedule another get-together another day.
I suspect when my younger son leaves home that he won't be around much at all, much less during the holidays and that when my daughter gets older that she'll want to spend more time with her dad and me,
We continued the family dinners and holidays, but two of people my kids married can't get along with others in the family. Never expected this, but it is now it is. It is so stressful for us that we are not doing Thanksgiving this year. Two live out of town (one out of state). Two live in town, but one needs to go with his wife's family out of town and the other son has to work.
So we are keeping it small, taking food to my mom and that is about it.
For the Christmas break we are taking a cruise for our 30th anv. and will avoid all that stress then.
While I am not alone, I am not having family get togethers with my kids and families like they grew up with and like I think we all thought would happen.
There are others out there in your same position. If you could just connect and do something fun with someone it would make it a nice day. The trip sounds like it might be a good idea for next year. I know I am learning I have to give up on some of how I thought it would be when the kids were gown.
I think that holidays become particularly tricky when parents are divorced. Just another complication in the melting pot. I used to get a bit upset about sharing my sons but not anymore. It was unfair to them to make them feel awkward. Now I just go with whatever. I know that my kids prefer to be with me and our family, as they are not wild about the step-mother and her brood.
I just hate the holidays becoming any kind of issue. I like the idea of Marti's waifs and strays and local liquor. Sounds stress free!
Everything changes... I have learned not to take it personally, depending on their age for most young adults married or not it is all about them. Later on in life when they have their own issues they realize how important their families are... be patient
My holiday is turning into a waifs and strays dinner. Both of my two older daughters have invited semi-cousins to share the day with us. I hope it works out ... it's at my house and I can't leave if it gets uncomfortable. :( It has all the makings of a Chevy Chase movie so far ...
Everything changes. I used to have a large Thanksgiving dinner at my house. My youngest son and his family moved to Colorado several years ago. My oldest son and his family live in New York and visit his in-laws in Virginia for Thanksgiving. They will come up to Delaware and stop at my house on Saturday on the way home and we will go out to dinner. My third son and his wife spend Thanksgiving with her family in Pennsylvania and I will go to her parent's house for Thanksgiving dinner. My only single son lives near Washington, DC and will stay home. He usually comes up here for Christmas.
