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Boy, the food business is tough, let me tell you. You all probably know I’ve been trying to get on with the big Tuna Company, but keep getting thrown back. I wish they’d quit yanking my line, if they’re going to be so darn fussy.
Here’s another example of how tough the business is. I was swimming around Puget Sound a few weeks back (you do know this is an El Nino year, and the water’s nice and warm, c’mon up!) when I saw a billboard advertising a restaurant that sells clams and clam-chowder and fish (I called, no Tuna need apply). You don’t often see billboards where I swim. I guess that shows you how tough the food business has gotten, they’re even looking for customers under the water. I know you guys from the Midwest (the Goiter Belt, eat more fish! It’s good for your brains!) will find this story hard to swallow, but let me throw this little bit of bait your way. It’s about an old Norwegian named Ivar Haglund, who had a restaraunt in the Seattle area, and foresaw the day when submarine travel would be commonplace. He placed billboards in the Puget Sound to get the attention of submariners. No doubt these underwater travelers would want a nice bowl of clam chowder after being tempted by all the tasty morsels seen through their portholes. So here’s the links, and tell ‘em Charley told you, ok? I got a pay-per-click deal I'm working on with my agent.

view link view link

Can you believe it? I think that Mr. Haglund was just a little too far ahead of his time. What a clown fish! Anyway, not being familiar with Puget Sound, being a California kind of fish, I had come to depend on the sign as a marker to find my way in and out of the Sound. I was planning on heading home, as it’s getting pretty chilly up here. How chilly is it? Well, some of the mudsharks are wearing sweaters! I swam about fifty finlongs past my exit before I realized my mistake, then went back to find the sign. The little scamps pulled it up! See?



Gee, if I’d have known I was going to be here all November I’d have packed my nice turtleneck to go with my beret, brrr! I’ll get out of here somehow, don’t worry about me. I’ll be hanging out with my surfer buds down south, then hit Mexico about January. I know, it’s tough, being a Tuna, especially being me. Somehow I must have got a bad rap. Nobody believes me. How could that happen to a classy guy like me? I should see a shrink.

Sorry Charlie, but my doctor doesn't allow me to eat tuna right now, because of the mercury content until after I deliver the baby. My doctor doesn't know you either,but looks like you are getting a bad rap. Most people want turkey this time of year anyway,so just swim on over to your buds in Mexico and enjoy the off season in the warm waters.

You do look cute in your beret. I hear Sea World is looking at hiring for some extra seasonal work. You'd fit right in if you can do some flips and jump through a hoop. If you're up for the job Shamu can take a vacation while you fill in. Happy swimming.

Yes Charlie good idea they 're telling you. then after you get over to those Cabos where the waters are warmer and join the crowds of Tunas that have gathered there for a feast from all that plantken running around but be careful with those trollers circling around and the nets they throw overboard because some of your fellow brothers are getting caught when they get too close to them. Or maybe go ashore for a nice cool Margarita and just sit in that warm sun to watch the senoritas go by.
I bet you would have liked to meet that Ivar chap. Just from afar or he would have you swimming and knocking at those submarine portholes to show them his sign and invite them for clam chowder at his famous restaurant. Maybe Ivar is still playing his guitar to keep those clams happy while they're being cooked huh? Good swimming to ya!

That Ivar was a really clever guy Charlie. He had a place to eat here as well. I think he tried to put signs in the big lake here, and the river as well. I don't think they worked too well though-most users of the lake and the river never go under the water.

I know you're headed for warmer waters, but you might get some day jobs if you come here- the salmon are taking an extended leave of absence and all the tourists like taking pictures of big fish. Just hang a left at the Delta and keep heading north.

There's a couple of fancy schmancy houseboats that sunk in the lake. They have beds, kitchens, TV's, the whole nine yards. It might be worth a look see.

Ivar's...Clam Chowder 75 cents a cup. The sign is ancient.

Gosh, I could have sworn I commented on this last night, and mentioned something about it reminding me of Charlie the Tuna who wanted to "work" for Starkist.

Oh well, I guess I dreamed it....

Cali

Hmmmmm...

I thought it was well publicized in the New York metropolitan area - enough that even up in El Nino country- you were aware of it- that Mr. Limpet had come ashore in several ports in Jersey, Delaware and North Carolina looking for you Charlie for a role in some Hollywood Flick !

Starkist was out there trawling the Hudson for you and your buddies and !.... and .......................

that sexy mermaid from Chicken of the Sea had some girlfriends checking the bars for you! They left word to meet them at Houlihans' in South Cove Commmons Thanksgiving Night for a big surprise offer they have for you! They'll be splashing around in the inlet right outside the patio tables across from the new Alexian Towers Condos.

I think if you go down deep enough in the channel, there's an old remnant of Ivar's chowder soluables
clinging to the jetties punctuating Hudson River and Bayonne Bay.

Come down and see us sometime, Good Buddy!

Lots of Luck in the South West.....