Ew boy, this is a tough one. I guess this supports the saying; you can lead the horse to water, but you can't make him drink.
You can only do what you do, nanabirdie. It's your husband's decision, and maybe he is right;...to at least enjoy the few things that are left for him to enjoy.
All you can give him is your acceptance in his decision. Nagging or pleading won't change him. So just try to make his life, and what is left of it, as pleasurable as possible.
Wow, that is a tough one! I believe Patrick Swayze also kept smoking after his diagnosis too.
Did they give your husband any hope of a cure? If not, I'd have to agree with angelheart and just let him do what he needs to do to get through this. But if there is the slightest chance of a recovery, I'd be all over him trying to make him fight and not just give up.
I'm so sorry you're both going through this hard time. I hope you will have a nice Thanksgivng.
Ph, one more thing....I am the manager of the Kickin' Butts Group here on eons. We have a wonderful support system and the people there are in various stages of their fight to quit smoking. I am one of them. My quit date is set for tomorrow (or Friday). I'm not sure if I can get through a Thanksgiving dinner and not have that after-dinner smoke. It's hard, it's the hardest addiction of all to get through, but we have had many success stories there. Maybe he'd lke to just come by and take a look?
If I knew how to post a link to it, I would. You could always click on my picture and find it in my list of groups I'm a member of though.
Good Luck and keep the faith.
Among other things, cigarettes are an anti-depressant. It seems to me that having terminal cancer is ample cause for depression and smoking relieves some of the pain of his situation. Yes, it is irrational, but being caught up in cancer is irrational and frightening. I am not sure he has given up so much as he is trying to cope with the magnitude of what is happening to him. When all else fails, simply love where he is. In my opinion, it's what he needs the most...
If you have already told him how you feel about him continuing to fight the disease...then, just love him. I know it is hard to not have him stop but maybe he will stop smoking on his own when the chemo starts up again.
Enjoy the time you have together without a lot of bickering. I am telling you as a recent widow, how or why a person's life ends is not as important as the love you had for each other. Have some laughs and be kind to each other. The less stress the better for both of you.
Thank you so much everyone. I have decided to accepted the smoking. The doctor has told him that it is just a matter of time before the disease (lung cancer) takes his life. I agree with all of you that with that in mind anyone would turn to something and for him it is going back to smoking. I have told him how much I love him and that I can accept his need to smoke. In my heart I am selfish and wish he wouldn't, but I won't fight him on it. Right now his peace of mind is more important.
Thank you
nanabirdie
