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Two women were discussing marriage, and one said, "We've been
married
twenty-five years, and every night my husband has complained about
the food. Not
one night without complaining about the food."

The other woman said, "That's awful. Doesn't it bother you?"

The first one said, "Why should I object if he doesn't like his own
cooking?"
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My wife was complaining that I spend too much time on the computer,
and not
enough time with her. I decided to fix that by having a `movie
night` with her.

We watched `Hackers`, `The Net`, `Anti-Trust` , `You've Got Mail` and
The

Matrix. She's still mad at me. What did I do?
------------ --------- --------- ------
During an attack of laryngitis I lost my voice completely for two
days. To help
me communicate with him, my husband devised a system of taps. One
tap meant,
"Give me a kiss," two taps meant "No," three taps meant "Yes," and
95 taps meant
"Take out the garbage."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --
A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross-examined.

The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married?"

"Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once."

"Whom did you marry?" the lawyer demanded.

"Well, a woman," the witness answered timidly.

The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman. Did you
ever hear of
anyone marrying a man?"

And the witness said meekly, "My sister did."

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