debip there are many firsts when we take this walk. First holidays are hard. Last year my grandson ( we adopted him when he was 2 ) hes 18 now, and I decided to start making our own traditions. We went to my sister in laws for Thanksgiving, hosted Christmas Eve for my family and Went to my oldest stepsons house for Christmas day. This year I took vacation time through Thanksgiving and am hosting it here. I dont know what my schedule will be for Christmas so it seemed to be the way to go. Be easy on yourself. This is a hard time for a loss that is new. Dont force yourself to do more than you can, but take the baby steps you need to to keep going. Is your family close by? It will feel strange to you, but each new move is in a strange new landscape that we never wanted. Take as much time as you need, but allow your family to help you through the holidays. There have been several very good posts here in the past and you might want to go back and check them out. But most of all come here when you need a listening ear and maybe some good advice as to what has worked for others of our family.
Unfortunately, holidays, birthdays and anniveaies pose the most difficult periods of time for all of us here. I would think the first year is rough although we are still protected by the numbness, denial, and fog of our spouses death. I found in my case that the second year was far worse. By then my mind had cleared and I was able to realize the enormity of my loss. I do not remember much of how I spent the important dates during the first year after my Pat's death. I know I did not do anything extraordinary. I probably vegged out a lot in front of TV and did a lot of sleeping. I do recall that I felt better after each holiday had passed. I wish I could be more optimistic and helpful, but these are the facts as I remember them. I will say, however, that life is not as meaningless and unwanted as it was during the first year or so after her death. Just roll with the punches, it is part of the human condition and we are programmed to survive.
Marty
posted by ophth
over 2 years ago
Good words, Marty: "roll with the punches." Sometimes it does feel like I've been "punched." But, sharing here has been a big help to me. I'm entering my second holiday season, and the numbness isn't there any more. Now it's just reality... We ARE programmed to survive!
It helps that I was always the one to do the Christmas shopping and gift wrapping for the kids and grandkids (many miles away). I'm doing it again this year. The feelings are different, though...
My hubby passed away in March also. Easter Sunday 2008 in fact.That whole first yr was awful. We kept all the holiday stuff low key. No one wanted to feel happy after losing three family members in 2 weeks. We just did what ever felt like doing or not doing. Do what ever you feel is best for you.
Keep posting though...we'll do what ever we can to help you get through.
